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No doctors and no drugs

lucy i

Registered User
Jul 28, 2007
berkshire uk
I believe my dad (60) has been suffering from some form of dementia for approx. 2 years but he refuses to see a doctor and consequently we don't have a diagnosis. My Mum has been to the doctor several times requesting help but doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. They did call my dad in under the guise of a 60 yr check but it came to nothing because he is physically very fit and wouldn't acknowledge that he had any memory or language issues. Has anyone experienced anything similar? I really don't know where to turn next. My dad has significant memory loss and problems with language (both finding the right words and understanding simple words spoken to him), as well as a lack of recognition of some people he should know. However, he is very repressed emotionally and whilst I am sure is very upset by the changes he is experiencing he won't discuss it with anyone, even immediate family. Any Ideas? thanks


Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Dear Lucy,
Mum started with dementia at a similar age to your dad - all you can do is persevere in trying to get him to the doctors. I reckon that she had been suffering for about 7 years before we got a diagnosis - like your dad she denied that there was anything wrong.
It may help if you make notes of things that are happening with your dad, so that when you do get him to the doctor, you can give the doctor facts and figures.
Love Helen

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
Hi Lucy,

Boy do I know what you're talking about. My mum has been suffering with dementia for about 4 years as far as we can tell and we only actually got her to attend an assessment two weeks ago!!:eek:

We had the same problem - mum is physically fit and for a while she could put on a good act if she was prepared for it.

Luckily we had a good doctor who was happy to speak to me and I used to send him brief outlines of any new behaviour problems and speech problems. His father in law also has dementia and I think it does make him much more sympathetic towards it.

I would suggest you do the same thing. Ask the GP to see you - he may not be able to discuss anything with you but at least you can talk to him and get him to see the big picture.

We found that our vicar was a God send - no pun intended! - as we found that mum was much more controlled and willing to go along with sugeestions from people of "authority" for want of another word. Is this a possibility for you?

It's difficult because you feel disloyal but you have to remember that you're acting in dad's best interests and he may genuinely feel that there is nothing wrong with him - even now mum still thinks she's fine.

If none of this works eventually he will reach a point that he won;t be able to hide it anymore and the truth will come out but it's a long slog so keep trying if you can.

Thinking of you.

Kate P


Registered User
Sep 10, 2005
Hello Lucy

I had the same problem with my mum. Eventually, I took the advice I gained on here and wrote to her GP. (This was, in fact, the second letter, and I mentioned my first letter in it). I'm guessing with the time that had passed between the correspondence, he was a little more willing to broach the subject. We had gone for a regular appointment about something totally unconnected and at the end of the consultation, he threw in, "how's your memory these days?" I think that because he'd mentioned it (rather than me) she was a little more willing to discuss it. I just sat there mutely holding my breath, praying she wouldn't blow him out. :) The upshot was that we finally got the nod for a consultant to visit mum at home (we had to wait two months), but once that took place, things became a whole lot easier ... if that's the right word to use in the circumstances. At least I felt something was being done!

It is difficult when the person is physically fit and presents well at the doctors, but persevere and take on board the advice on here. Keep a note of examples and perhaps put these in your letter as well. The consultant and nurse who came to see mum and I were very thorough and mum wasn't able to blag her way out so easily! I hope you get something sorted soon. Please do post back and let us know progress.

Best wishes.