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Nights become Days... Help


Registered User
Jan 30, 2015
Mums has had vascular dementia for about 10 years now and I have been her full time carer for the last 7 years. She will be 90 this year

My main concern now is that for the last year I have been getting up to help her in the night and it can be up to 26 times a night. As you can guess I am exhausted and I want to explore options to try and help rather than giving up and mum going into a care home. She mostly wants to go to the toilet and doesn't use the commode that is right next to the bed and wanders around looking for the toilet. She also wakes to get dressed, clean the room, thinks someone else is on the house, worried about me.

I have tried loads of things to try and help. Spot light on the commode - Picture of a toilet with red letters saying toilet. High Viz strips on the commode. Small dose of Kalms. keeping her busy all day. Cuddling her at bedtime to give her security. Nothing works. I have a bed alarm and also a camera in the room so I can check that she is ok.

Medically the Doctors cant give her sleeping tablets as it will make her too sleepy and she is likely to fall. I have stopped her Statins to see if this will help.

I am now looking into sleep music and discovered something called Delta waves that can send you into a deeper sleep. Can anyone give me some advice if this might be suitable for mum.


Registered User
Sep 7, 2012
Sometimes there is no solution other than to accept what is.

If waking during the night 26 times is what your mother does (and I know that some people have driving impulses that preclude long periods of sleep) it may be something you have to accept and adjust to yourself.

Hard when you need to sleep to be able to function again the next day, this I know but sometimes there are things that can't be changed and we have to accept and adjust, whatever that adjustment is.

I hope you manage to capture some sleep again tonight, it's so tiring, I know it must leech time away from our own life-clock, it certainly feels that way.

I let my adult disabled son have access to his television and music through an ipod player, it staves off the feelings of loneliness I suspect he feels at bedtime, he dozes off, wakes, looks at the TV and dozes off again.

Low level music, some stimulation to shatter the silence would be a good idea, it can't hurt to try.
Best wishes.


Registered User
Jun 27, 2012
Deprivation of sleep is hard. You need sleep ( even in the morning). I used to ask friends to stay with mom on mornings or evenings while I had a deep sleep.


Registered User
Jan 31, 2015
Oh bless sometimes they can mix up there days and nights. There are lots of options out there , as i do nights in a person home as you can get carers in to stay over , this could help. Have you thought of trying day centres for some respite.

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Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
My husband lived on a twelve hour clock that seemed to work from 8 until 8. We started the day at 8am and went through the day quite normally until we reached 8pm which became 8am breakfast. Trying to get him to go to bed was impossible because no one went to bed in the day so 11pm might have been my bedtime but not his because he had not had his lunch and he was going out at 2 even though it was dark and no traffic on the roads he wanted to go for a drive and a nice cup of coffee:eek:. It was a nightmare that we never found a way around. As he could not be left I had to stay awake with him.

It was at this stage that I had a carers assessment and he was given a place at a day centre two days a week so that I could sleep.