Night Walking And Neighbours

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Memori, Jun 20, 2007.

  1. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    Mum has started going out at night knocking on neighbours doors looking for people, and the other night she was found some way away asking someone to get her a taxi at three in the morning, I dont know what to do about this as she forgets what happened in the morning, the nurse from the hospital is coming to see her at home, she knows this and is cross about it , as there is nothing wrong she says, I am only trying to help her but feel everything I do is wrong, I am dreading the outcome of all this.
     
  2. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #2 Margarita, Jun 20, 2007
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2007
    That how I feel with my mother
    but it can't be true I say to myself , I just think they just reelection to give up they independent , or just don't believe it because they can't remember it .

    Stay strong , just keep telling yourself your doing the right thing

    PS

    Is the nurse a dementia nurse ?
     
  3. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    1,370
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Memori

    Sounds as if you have a very dangerous situation on your hands, seems mum is really at risk. Clearly she is very vulnerable out walking on her own in the wee small hours, well, at any time really. Are you sure she will remember where she lives to either get back home herself, or even tell someone where she lives. She could be pray to all sorts of unsavoury characters at that time of the night.

    I am really sorry if I am frightening you. Sadly in mum’s mind she isn’t doing anything wrong, because there is nothing wrong with her!

    Its good that the nurse is coming out to see you, maybe its time to rethink mums living arrangements.

    Best of luck.

    Cate
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    Hi Memori,

    I can only agree with Cate.

    Mum may not think there is anything wrong, but she wouldn`t be going out in the early hours , if she is right.

    I`m afraid she will just have to be cross, as she is now very vulnerable and at risk.

    I know it`s easier said than done, but if you want to keep her safe, it will not be while she is living in her own home by herself.

    I hope the nurse will have something constructive to offer and will help you.

    Take care.
     
  5. mary clare

    mary clare Registered User

    Jun 19, 2007
    3
    Hi memori

    I really do feel for you we have been there, mum was found at 3.00am on a freezing December night/morning in a local lorry yard- no shoes on or coat, luckily the man who found her knew the family and took her to our other brother.

    That whole time was a nightmare for us as mum denied she was anywhere.

    May i ask do you live with your mum or is anyone living with her? It is amazing how they manage to get out. Only dad was with mum and he never heard her go out - but then again he had dementia too only further on than we believed, as he proved a few nights later when he went walkabout and turned up at neighbours

    Social services did give us nightsitting for a couple of nights but we had to battle for it. It was at this stage we as a family sat down and made a decision that killed us all to make - but we were just so scared of mum being killed on the road.
    A complete assessment of mum and dad was made and at last it was recognised we needed help badly.
    We all got abuse from dad and started to get to the stage of hating him because of his aggression but all the assessments of him in hospital for a few weeks showed us just how much help and love and understanding he really needed. We had all focused on mum so much we missed the signs of the increasing dementia in dad. We were lucky mum and dad got places in our preferred nursing home together and dad is an angel, we love him to bits and have all forgotten the bad times.
    Try and be strong, you will feel guilt and as though you are betraying your mum but if you do not do something you may regret it if something serious happens to her, you could never forgive yourself.
    Peace of mind is amazing, you will get strength and please God the help you really need. Try and realise it is not a betrayal but a genuine love and concern for her welfare and rise above what she says to you. I know it is hard but really it is not meant she cannot help it.
    Stay strong, your feelings are natural - and rant on here ( from someone who spends her life in a rant!!! lol) we will all try to be here.

    mary
     
  6. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    1,170
    Australia
    Dear Memori,
    If you haven't already read the threads by Gill W about her grandmother going out at night (in much the same way as your Mum is doing), you might find them enlightening.

    I totally agree with maybe its time to rethink mums living arrangements - once a person is no longer safe in their own home, for whatever reason, it might well be time to consider an alternative.

    It is SO hard when our beloved parents (or partners) see us as the "evil" one, trying to do something "to" them, instead of realising it is essential "for" them. Keep reminding yourself that it is the illness speaking, not your Mum.

    Thinking of you.
     
  7. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    Thank you all for your replies, I am going mad myself trying to find a solution to all this, I need to be in two places as my daughter is ill and I'm needed there in the week when her husband is at work, I have problems myself and have trouble getting to my mothers and go in the early hours when I do, my cars exaust is falling off and needs replaceing, mum thinks everyone is telling lies about her and I cannot reason with her, I feel I cannot leave her on her own and the nurse from the local mental health trust was very nice and tried to help but mum didnt want anything she mentioned, she got 21 out of 30 on the test she did, and the nurse is going to get some sensors put in the house, but they wont be much help when I live an hour away, she said that somone could come in the day to check she was all right but she didnt want that, and she is going to make her an appointment at the memory clinic where they could decide if tablets would help, but she didnt want that and I dont know if I will get her there, she has lived alone for 40 years and will not be told what to do, she cannot see the problems she is making and the old mum would not have been like this, I never realised it would be this hard.
     
  8. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    190
    Co. Durham
    Hello Memori,

    Thought I'd drop in on this one, somehow or other I've not seen this thread or would have spoken with you earlier.

    As Nell has said, we're experiencing the wandering bit at the moment, and it's definitely hard to deal with, exceptionally worrying.

    My Gran lives 25 miles away from us, and none of the family are in a position to live with her full time or be there for most of a day or a night. We get to her twice a week normally, more if we can, and we have carers now going in 3 times a day.

    We recently had an alarm installed, whereby if Gran goes out and does not return through the front door within 2 minutes, an alarm is activated at the central base and a warden is sent out. Sadly on sunday gone, the alarm failed to go off and Gran got quite far for who knows how long before she was discovered and ultimately returned home. Two days later she went again, but the system worked this time, although it took some time to find her.

    We are more than a little anxious over this, naturally concerned that Gran could come to serious harm while she wanders. On sunday mam's only option was to remove all available keys to the house so that she couldn't get out and mam was able to return home. Obviously this wasn't a safe practice, not a decision that was taken lightly, and can't keep being repeated.

    The struggle we've had with SS is nobody's business, and now, thankfully, we seem to have some more wheels turning. Gran was diagnosed with an irregular heartbeat and low BP in the standing position, which puts her at even greater risk when she wanders.

    I don't have any immediate solutions to the problem, but I can only say stick with it. If the wandering persists, keep on at SS for help with her, as we are now. My sister and I are ringing SS every day at the moment, hounding them to get something done.

    Just something to chuckle about before I go....

    Gran went for a walk with mam today, to a local dentist to collect her palate which has had a new tooth fixed on. She was enjoying the walk, but was flagging on the way home. She got through the front door and her legs gave out and she banged everything there is to bang on the way down. Can someone enlighten me as to how the heck she's so frail on an accompanied walk, yet when she wanders she can go for miles without a hitch?!?!?!?! Wierd one!
     
  9. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    639
    West Sussex
    Sadly, this is the norm for AZ sufferers, their reality is just that, as real to them as yours is to you, the powers of reasoning don't seem to exist any more.

    I tried to see it from Mum's viewpoint, when she was at the same stage as your Mum, mine wandered off and genuinly thought it was no problem at all.

    In her mind, she was just going for a walk and the fact that it was dark or cold or raining was not an issue with her, she couldn't see the danger she was putting herself in...........let alone the drivers on the dual carriageway she once crossed.

    It was hard, but we had to step in and Mum is now in residential care in a home she can't leave on her own................except the day she stacked garden chairs up and got over the 5ft wall...........they added a 2ft trellis and she has not got out since.

    Your Mum needs to be as safe as possible, wherever she lives.

    If a young child was found wandering the streets in the middle of the night, SS would be in there like a shot to make sure it didn't happen again, they don't seem to apply the same urgency to vulnerable adults like our loved ones, sadly.

    Kathleen
     
  10. Zadok

    Zadok Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    68
    Kent
    Can someone enlighten me as to how the heck she's so frail on an accompanied walk, yet when she wanders she can go for miles without a hitch?!?!?!?! Wierd one![/QUOTE]

    I know that one!
    Mum has always HATED walking. As a child dad would take me on walks. I can only remember a few times mum came too. When we go out shopping etc now mum is very wobbly, just as you describe. However she has been found on three occassions walking purposfully along the main dual carriage way miles from home. AND she suffers no after effects, unlike us who are nervous wrecks.
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    This was precisely the expression my DIL used when she told me she saw my husband on Monday.
    He is often unsteady, often shuffles and has reduced stamina.
    The day he was seen walking `purposefully`, was the day he was going to the bank to open his own `business` account.

    My mother too, drove everywhere, would use a gallon of petrol in order to find a parking space as near to her destination as possible.
    She always suffered swollen ankles and sore feet.
    Yet when she `escaped `from day care, walked miles in order to get home.

    Perhaps there is a connection between extraordinary stamina and Lapses/Tangles, etc.
     
  12. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    (And the same applies to leaving them alone in their own homes. You can't stay in a vulnerable adult's house without her consent, or remove a vulnerable adult from her house without her consent. If it were a child you'd left, you might end up in prison for neglect.)

     
  13. Lila13

    Lila13 Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    1,342
    I couldn't understand why the doctor who saw my mother at the Rapid Results Clinic (Jan. 2006) thought there was nothing wrong with her, he said she had a right to go out for a walk whenever and wherever she liked and to wear whatever she liked.

    Yet for others, going out in the dark and rain or frost in a nightie would automatically mean she was not competent to make such decisions for herself.
     
  14. Memori

    Memori Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006
    43
    Mums Doctor said that if she was going to wander it was safer where she lives than where the surgery is, but there is a very busy road and it can take ages to cross and no one keeps to the 30 mph speed limit, has anyone anything good to report about the sensers to check on movements and door exits as they are being fitted this week, also the Doctor wants to repeat the test for urine infection but that means another difficult trip to the surgery, last night she was muddled again about who I was, she has done this before and will have forgotten about it today,I feel that this is moving faster than I like.
     
  15. Zadok

    Zadok Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    68
    Kent
    Hello,
    This is a difficult one. I've had experience of two types of alarms but only at night.
    I had a bed sensor so if mum got out of bed in the night it connacted the call centre who spoke to mum. It works on a pressure pad device under the matress and the call centre is the one used by the call button alarm system. It worked really well at first. A nice calm lady would tell mum it was bed time..........and how about popping back into bed? (It was set to allow time for mum to go to the loo etc!)
    After a few months mum didn't respond to the calls so of course they had to ring me to say mum wasn't answering their voice. So I'd get up out of bed to go to mums and discover she was sitting quite happily in the front room or had by then gone back to bed anyway! After all that seemed quite reasonable. I've been known to get up and stay up for a while with a hot drink if I can't sleep(particularly if I've been out to mums in the dead of night!)

    Then I tried the alarm on the front door so that if she went out of the house I would be told. i thought this was very reassuring as I could sleep knowing that if she was outside in the dark someone would let me know. Also if she had the door open to callers late at night it would also contact the centre.
    Hope this helps.
     
  16. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    HI all

    Mum was found at the bus stop at 1.45 am by a passer by. I believe she thought she was on her way to the old ladies club on Thursday afternoon. Wheels started to turn cos the passer by notified the police. It was all news to me, but we now know she has been out at night hammering on the door of the corner shop to get frozen fish, and ringing friends late at night/early morning. She has no concept as to when it is day or night

    She is currently in a pschiatric department of a local hospital. My quetion is, if she is presbribed Aricept or smilar will she improve or will it just slow down the progression of the illness?

    And once she has gone walk-about is that likely to stop?

    REagrds
     
  17. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,438
    I'm afraid the answer to all those questions is "maybe". Some people find Aricept etc reverse some aspects of AD, some just hold steady, some it doesn't work for and some have horrendous side-effects.

    Wandering: generally it seems that it someone is a wanderer they continue to wander until a) they can't wander anymore due to circumstances or b) the disease progresses so that they no longer want to wander.

    Sorry to have to post such a non-definitive answer. You'll really will only know when you know, if you get my drift. It's understandable wanting to plan, but as you know, planning is something that is almost impossible with dementia: the goal post keep moving.

    Jennifer
     
  18. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    Dear Margaret,

    It sounds as if your mother is a danger to herself and would be safer in a care home.

    She obviously has no sense of time and this wandering in the night, or even during the day, if she doesn`t have a purpose, is not good.

    She is searching for something that isn`t there.

    As for medication, as jennifer says, it depends on the individual, as it has so many different effects.

    According to my son, who is a pharmacologist and helped develop one of the drugs, they do not cure, they delay the inevitable. For some, the quality of life is good, while the inevitable is being delayed, for others, not so good.

    So it really is a case of trial and error.

    That might sound a very negative comment, but maybe it`s because the drugs were not helpful to my husband. I have seen posts on TP praising the extension the drugs have given to the lives of those they care for, and of course there is the battle with NICE to make them available to everyone.

    Take care
     
  19. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    190
    Co. Durham
    Dear Margaret,

    It really is hard to say whether Mum's wandering will stop after medication.

    My Gran was unfortunately too far down the line on diagnosis for any meds, so we don't have any after effects to tell you about.

    My Gran has wandered, but not, it would appear, as regularly as your mum. The episodes we have had have been few and far between, although last week she went twice in three days. I personally put the second one down to one hell of a busy day for Gran, she was attacked from all angles that day, and she hasn't done it since. Touch wood.

    The wandering was initially put down to a one off by social services so we were delighted (wrong word, but you know what I mean) when it happened again because it proved them wrong. Gran also had a fall the other day which has put a rocket up the backsides of SS and they are now referring her to a half way house for assessment. We have lift off!

    Please keep on to social services, on a daily basis if you have to. I know it can get very tiresome and stressful, but if you keep quiet about things, they'll take it that you're managing.

    Good luck and lots of hugs for strength.

    Gill
    xx
     

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