1. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Its been some time since visited or posted... Just wanted to say hello to all the people here who I used to know well.

    Monique is still alive and well and into her 2nd year in the excellent Alzheimers care home near Royan in France. Aged 69 she is the youngest there. She was the 2nd youngest for a while but the other person died. Monique is now totally incontinent, spends 99% of the time in bed, converses only in French. Mind you converses is an odd word to use. She only really exchanges short sentances with people who are not in the room so she replies briefly for them.. With the fairies is probably a good discription.... She is fed only fortified food things with a spoon but can sometimes stuff a bit of cake into her own mouth.

    She does not know me - in fact I get the feeling my presence is an irritant but hey - who knows.. I have visited at least once a week during the 18 months but am now trying to cut that down - need to get on with my own life a bit.. Not easy - stacks of guilt monkeys... the economic crisis has had a big impact on all ex-pats I think with the 1/3rd drop of the £ v €uro. What was once affordable is now not. The French state chips in €5000 on a €40,000 PA bill. Not sure what to say about that - I am now thinking of moving to Spain in a year or so... duuno... Funny really - at the beginning of this 'alzheimers voyage' and towards maybe the end the biggest problem is not knowing things.

    I was lucky to have found talking point early on - nothing like it here in France... At least I was able to see how others cope and that was very useful..

    I sold my house in La Rochelle and Moved to near Moniques care home - 15 minutes away. The home is excellent and superbly mangaed with a Psycologist who appears to be more concerned about me than Monique. The sun is shining - I have a beautiful boat and have just come back from a short voyage to northern spain with a break in the middle to 'do a visit'... All is not bad with my world -- just a bit sad in places.

    love to all who knew me

  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    Well it is good to hear your update and to know you are ok.

    My David has been in a NH now for 6 mths after a period of respite when I was struggling. It is a difficult transition as you know only too well. During the previous 5 months I had adapted to downstairs living as his mobility was extremely poor.

    I visit David almost daily but at least he still knows me and is reasonably calm during the day (its night time when he changes personality :eek:).

    I hope you can keep in touch between your sailing trips!

    Best wishes Jan
  3. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    Hi Michael,
    Thanks for your update. I'm sorry to hear of the decline. My Ken is also still in the EMI Home but is able to converse. Our conversations are usually in the form of repeated questions from him and the same replies each time from me.

    I don't think you would find Spain any cheaper to live. I still have many friends there who tell me the crisis is quite bad there too.

  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Hi Michael, good to hear from you, with news of you and Monique.

    My John is still in his EMI unit. He can't walk or talk, or do anything for himself. But he eats everything he is fed, and looks well. I don't know if he knows me, but on a good day he will smile, and sometimes giggle at me. And I do get a kiss every day when I visit, that's one skill he hasn't forgotten!:)

    I've just booked a holiday, my first for three years, and the first time I'll have been away from John, so I'm a bit apprehensive, but you're right, we have to think of ourselves a bit.

    Take care, and keep in touch when you can,
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Hi Michael, really good to hear from you.

    Like Monique, my dear Lionel is in a similar position - no change there.

    Know the feeling well. Take care of yourself, and please keep in touch.

    Wishing you all the best I can for the future. Love n'hugs, Con.x
  6. sad nell

    sad nell Registered User

    Michael how good it was to see Michael E pop up on screen, Glad you found such a good home for Monique, i have often thought about you both and if you were off on one of your voyages. I remember the photo of family meal in the garden at La Rochelle as if it was yesterday. You used to keep us all amused with your irreverant sensce of humour and your daily diaries.It is trev & I's 37 wedding anniversary today , he sounds to be in a similar stage of this awful illness and i am being forced to consider care, but still hanging in there just. Drop us all a line occasionally to keep us updated, and perhaps aphoto of your well loved boat if you have the time. Love to both yourself and Monique. Pam & trev
  7. Lynne

    Lynne Registered User

    Jun 3, 2005
    Hello Michael

    Good to hear from you! Sad to hear of Monique's decline, but that's the nature of the beast isn't it. Now that she has lost her English, it's as well you both lived in France already.

    You are right to recognize that you are entitled to your own life, it won't make Monique's life any better if you decline with depression.
    The "real" Monique was a vivacious & lively person, & wouldn't have allowed it! Well done for finding her a care home so well matched to her needs.

    Best wishes

    Attached Files:

  8. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Hello Michael

    It`s so good to hear from you.

    Dhiren is still at home with me although he has shown a marked deterioration. But this is only to be expected as Monique`s deterioration was.

    Dhiren still has his English thank goodness, and I hope with all I have he keeps it, as I wouldn`t have a clue what he would be likely to say in Hindi.

    Keep in touch Michael. If you move to Spain will you move Monique too, or let her stay in the home you are so satisfied with?
  9. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    Hi Michael
    nice to hear from you.
    I am still trying to build another life without Peg,not easy,but what alternative?
    Keeping busy.fill the days.
    Best wishes
  10. Cate

    Cate Registered User

    Jul 2, 2006
    Newport, Gwent
    Hi Michael

    Good to hear from you, and to see that you are trying your best to get on with life.

    So sorry to see that your Monique has deteriorated, that's not good news, I remember so well your journey to find her a such a good NH.

    I do miss your posts, I so used to love hearing about your sailing, it so reminded me of my dad, his passion was sailing too.

    Mum has gone to a better place, she died last year, I miss her dreadfully.

    I hope your move to Spain goes well, keep in touch when you can.

  11. Bookworm

    Bookworm Registered User

    Jan 30, 2009
    Co. Derry
    Good to meet you Michael - though I'm new since you were here before. Thank you for the fragrance of France and your life there.
  12. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    Dear Michael,
    So nice to hear from you. Odd, I was wondering only the other day how things were going for you.

    Mum has finally settled down - only took 8 years! :D In a wheelchair, doubly incontinent, only a few words but she's laughing and smiling so life is good.
  13. Michael E

    Michael E Registered User

    Apr 14, 2005
    Ronda Spain
    Well that brought tears to my eyes this morning - to read such nice replies and to be made feel so welcome and indeed remembered! Thank you.

    Interesting how many of us are on parallel courses. a few have come to the end of the voyage and are now trying to recover...

    I will 'visit' from time to time but acutally feel I have little to offer now but am so grateful to 'talking point' for setting out the various and varied stages.... and what it does to us... I was amused to see my photo and although I still have my hair it is somewhat grey in places...

    It is as always good to here the situation of others -- helps a lot and I thank you for sharing that...


  14. Brucie

    Brucie Registered User

    Jan 31, 2004
    near London
    Hi Michael

    please do visit and continue to contribute.

    your posts are hugely helpful because you describe your experiences there.

    Members gain from TP not only from sharing caring tips, and emotional support, and from the occasional rant.

    Many of us gain from seeing someone else whose experiences relate closely to our own within the area of love and dementia, but also in attempts to ensure there is something else in our lives, even if that is not possible for our loved one.

    Community is key.
  15. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    Toronto, Canada
    I hope you feel you can visit as often as you like. I well remember some very funny threads - some of your moments in supermarkets were priceless.

    We all still need to laugh, and laugh often.

  16. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Hi Michael,

    It has been good to hear from you. Since you last posted my husband passed away age 62.

    Trying to get to grips with life is so hard when we have been through A.D.

    Is your boat big enough for all us ladies on T.P.?

    Take care of yourself.

    Love from
  17. Nutty Nan

    Nutty Nan Registered User

    Nov 2, 2003
    ... a bit late ...

    .... don't drop in as often as I used to, either, but it was lovely to read your update. It's not that long since I thought of your amusing posts about 'scatological issues' and wondered about you and Monique. - No miraculous recoveries on this site, but knowing that there are good care homes and dedicated staff is, at least, positive.

    Sad to report that we have just struggled through the first anniversary of my husband's passing. I miss him so, and the hands-on caring, in spite of all the problems it brought. There is little joy in my new-found 'freedom'....

    Bon voyage!
  18. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Hiya Michael,
    I am another occasional visitor now....good to hear from you again. Pleased Monique is safe and settled...and that you are finding some happiness.
    Love Helen
  19. alginon

    alginon Registered User

    Jun 22, 2009
    EMI Nursing home

    Hi Tina, do you know the patient/staff ratio in EMI Nursing homes, my father has just gone into one?
  20. icare2

    icare2 Registered User

    Jun 18, 2006

    hello Micheal, nice to see your still alive and kicking and still standing,keep it up,we all here always are thinking about your very helpful posts about this dreaded illness,but me and my wife are kicking the trend, on it !! as we took the bull bye the horns me and my daughter took her on hols. to Benalmadenia in May this year, yes during the flight we had everything crossed !! haha, but all went very well and it was well worth it, to take her away from normal day to day she has been throo this past few years,also it has done us all the world of good to see her like that again.. all our best wishes too you and yours.. Tommy

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