Newly diagnosed nans but very concerned

[dwalsh]

Hello everyone. I'm new here so may waffle a bit to get my concerns across so apologises in advance.

My nana was admitted to hospital with a uti 5 weeks ago and since been there has also been diagnosed with alzheimers. She is due to be discharged next week but both myself and my nana expressed concerns about her going back to live independently not only with the alzheimers but the fact that she has a steep staircase to climb to access her flat and she struggles getting in and out of the bath. The hospital social worker dismissed thsee issues by not even acknowledging them. He said she will have carers going in twice to prompt her medication and an alarm on the front door (as she is a wonderer!). I myself am going to help as much as I can but I have two young children who also have additional needs. My husband works away. My nana has also said out of earshot of the social worker that she will not let the carers in. She wants to lock her front door and just watch TV! I am so concerned that I don't know what to do and am worried for her safety.

Another issue is that of money. When my nana went into the hospital she told me to get the money out of her flat and keep it safe which I have. She has never mentioned it again but I have reassured her that it is safe (£7000). Her son who lives down south who has visited twice us now saying she wants him to have this money and she got into a state about it as she us a adamant he has to have it and says she has been asking the nurses can she go home so she can get it for him. I know also he ransacked her flat looking for it!!! I have told him I gave it but it remains my nanas. Does he have a legal right to it as he is her son??? Ivisit everyday and she has never come across as worried or adamant my uncle should have it. My uncle also told me it is not my job to look after her and to leave it to the state and I shouldn't become a slave to her. I love my nana and will do everything for her but at the moment I am emotional and confused and don't know what to do.

 

[Mrsbusy]

Welcome to TP you came to the right place. Lots of sensible advice here and no judges of anyone too.

In respect of the son I wouldn't give him anything. He maybe making this up, and thought that whilst she wasn't at the flat he would look for anything of value, including cash. Has he said the actual amount or has he just said cash or money? When you see your Nana next time if it's in a quiet situation and not busy, maybe ask her if she wants you to still look after the money, or prefer you to put it somewhere safe? She may have forgotten about it completely, or she may then say to give it to her son. Don't take this the wrong way, but I don't think he sounds like he cares about her very much, sorry, so I wouldn't make anything easy for him. If he thinks it up to the state to care for hierthen he won't mind what happens to her then, but like a lot of greedy people wants any benefits that come their way of course!

Personally I would try and get a POA or some kind of official arrangement made in respect of her finances to stop he reappearing to demand whatever whenever. Does she live in her own home? If not maybe she could be transferred to sheltered housing in a bungalow perhaps that may help in itself. Or maybe a stairlift fitted but I don't think that's a great idea.

Could she maybe request a move nearer to you to save you travel time etc? You may or may not realise that over a period of time if she stays at home, wherever that is your commitment to her will increase over time. Maybe months or years, no telling so if she feels happier going into a home now whilst she has the capacity to do so that maybe a better option for you both. Also I would consider the son less able to manipulate and intimidate her in a care home maybe?

Is she on any type of benefits like housing benefit or pension credit? I only ask as if she isn't maybe see if she wants you to put the cash into an account for her, either an existing one or a new one in her name or preferably open a joint account between you so you can help her access it etc and then you can't be accused of stealing it by anyone.

I think her social worker needs to be told about her sons attitude, and if possible mention you are happy to be his first port of call if you can. Without being alarmist, I don't like the 'ransacked' part of your message. Did he cause any damage, or did he leave it how he found it? It worries me that if she does return home, especially if he has a key, he may return to obtain other valuables even if she's there and then put it down to her confusion.

Maybe look into an alarm system like Careline in case she needs you in any emergency medical or otherwise, usually run by councils at a reasonable rate.
Hope this helps you a little but I would seriously consider a care home if Nana agrees with everything else going on, as she is vulnerable in many ways. Social worker needs to realise this and use the words vulnerable and duty of care when speaking to him.

Keep us posted please.

 

[Mrsbusy]

If you do decide on a care home and she's self funding then she can do whatever she wants and just look round them with you and decide for herself of course. The social worker may be reluctant if she's not self funding because of costs I'd imagine.

Maybe have a look at what's available near to you, and get a general idea etc even over the Internet. At least if she wants to stay at the moment when the time comes you will have more of an idea. Social workers usually try to prove that with carers visiting daily the person can cope before they agree to care homes but more choice in decisions if paying for it yourself.

Before you see social worker next maybe list the things she can't do, not just physically but otherwise like make decisions? Understand instructions? Confusion? Paperwork? Following TV programmes? Stability, mobility issues? Feeding and food preparation? Operating microwave or cooker? This will all help you build up evidence to them that she's not coping etc.

 

[Beate]

Your uncle is right in that it is not your job to look after her. No person can be forced to look after another and duty of care lies with the state. If you want to care for her, you will need help and a needs assessment for her plus a carers assessment for yourself. You need to contact Adult Social services and ask them to liaise with the hospital social worker urgently, as it looks like she might be released with an inadequate care package. Tell them they have "duty of care to a vulnerable person at risk". She will need an occupational therapist check over the house to provide any grab rails or bath seats etc that will make it easier for her. They cannot release her back into a house that is unsafe for her.

That money is your nana's. You or her son can look after it for safekeeping but not for the purpose of concealing to the council that she has it. So you need to tell the social worker about it and also about her son's attempt to gain possession of it. It could be classed as deprivation of assets as her money should be used to pay for any care she might need. While and if she still has capacity someone urgently needs her to sign power of attorney. Best not let that be the greedy son!

 

[dwalsh]

thank you

Thanks for all of your brilliant advice been in touch with adult social services and waiting for a call back. Feeling a bit less stressed with it all now