Newly diagnosed Mum

[Pearlybobs]

Hello, I am new to this forum and new to the disease. My Mum was diagnosed yesterday (formally as we were expecting this) and I am just looking for places where I may go to for support. I have had a very difficult relationship with my Mum since being a child, all the support I have seen up to now assume that relationships are "normal" hoping for understanding and support

 

[Monday’s child]

Hello and welcome from me. My relationship with both my parents was not nice and still really gets to me/ saddens me as I cannot forget what happened in the past and you will see from some of my previous posts that I find it very difficult at times to separate the mum I grew up with who was always selfish and delusional from the mum who has dementia: I sometimes think isn't that nastiness how she has always been, is it just her or is it her dementia? I have been on a steep learning curve and accepting curve and letting go curve now that I am taking care of her and effectively running her life. I am sure that posting when you hit a wall or need advice will be a great support just as it has been for me.

 

[Pearlybobs]

Hi, thanks so much for replying, yes I am expecting steep learning curves too. Take care x

 

[barefootshepherdess]

Hello, I am new to this forum and new to the disease. My Mum was diagnosed yesterday (formally as we were expecting this) and I am just looking for places where I may go to for support. I have had a very difficult relationship with my Mum since being a child, all the support I have seen up to now assume that relationships are "normal" hoping for understanding and support

Hi Pearlybobs, 👋 I've just joined this forum on the recommendation of a counsellor I started to see yesterday to help me cope with my conflicting emotions caring for my mother who has been at best an emotionally-absent mother and at worst deliberately cruel. I agree with you about the assumption that carers/relatives of people with Dementia have "normal" relationships and I understand why that is. But I'm an emotional volcano🌋 of compassion and resentment (and one or two other emotions)! I'd find it therapeutic to hear from other people who feel similar and would be grateful for any strategies for minimising the negative emotions!🤞🙏

 

[barefootshepherdess]

Hello and welcome from me. My relationship with both my parents was not nice and still really gets to me/ saddens me as I cannot forget what happened in the past and you will see from some of my previous posts that I find it very difficult at times to separate the mum I grew up with who was always selfish and delusional from the mum who has dementia: I sometimes think isn't that nastiness how she has always been, is it just her or is it her dementia? I have been on a steep learning curve and accepting curve and letting go curve now that I am taking care of her and effectively running her life. I am sure that posting when you hit a wall or need advice will be a great support just as it has been for me.

Hi Fil, 👋I'm brand new to this forum and your comment is exactly the type of comment I was hoping to find. My mother has dementia and we've had a difficult relationship. I have the same thoughts about my mother's selfishness, delusions and nastiness! I think they were always there and some elements especially the delusions have been exacerbated by dementia. Bizarrely and fortunately she has been more pleasant company as her dementia develops which is the opposite to most people's experience! Both my grandmothers had dementia and the one who had been warm and nurturing all her life became a spiteful version of herself! I'll read your previous posts to see if I can learn anything from your learning curve!🙏

 

[GabbyO]

Hi Pearlybobs, 👋 I've just joined this forum on the recommendation of a counsellor I started to see yesterday to help me cope with my conflicting emotions caring for my mother who has been at best an emotionally-absent mother and at worst deliberately cruel. I agree with you about the assumption that carers/relatives of people with Dementia have "normal" relationships and I understand why that is. But I'm an emotional volcano🌋 of compassion and resentment (and one or two other emotions)! I'd find it therapeutic to hear from other people who feel similar and would be grateful for any strategies for minimising the negative emotions!🤞🙏

That’s how I feel so often - the emotional volcano if compassion and resentment. People think I’m this wonderful, caring daughter and I’m doing everything I can to look after my mum but I think resentful, unhappy thoughts and mutter awful things under my breath pretty often!! My mother was cross and contrary before her dementia and now it is all just amplified. At worst, like right now in the wee small hours of Sunday morning, I feel cursed and exhausted. My mum has been depressed and difficult all my life and I’ve had to try and stay positive and find joy in my life away from her but now I feel sucked into a vortex of worry and stress and joyless, thankless duty with no end in sight. I obviously need help with a coping strategy too…