Newcomer here

[MumOfDogs]

Hi, just joined up because I think I'll be needing you guys in the coming weeks, months.

I've been looking after my dad for the past few years since my mum died. He has physical health problems following his cancer treatment. His memory has been declining slowly. We had a crisis last weekend when he went missing and was acutely confused. A CT brain confirmed "vascular changes" according to the A&E doc. So we're awaiting the memory clinic assessment and confirmation of the diagnosis. We went from "I've lost my keys" last week to not knowing who I was. I'm still in shock I guess, it's happened so quickly. The acute confusion disappeared quickly and now he's back to being "normal for dad."

I have a sibling who has never had a good relationship with dad. Let's just say they have been less than compassionate. They just want him to be put in a home. We're not there yet. Not by a long shot, I hope. I've tried to explain how we need to care for a dementia patient (I've worked 24 years in the NHS) and how familiarity, reassurance, routine and family support are essential. They just want the "proper authorities" involved. So I feel very alone.

Sorry for the rant, but it has been cathartic just typing this all out!

 

[Grahamstown]

The forums are a great source of information and support and I am so sorry about your dad. I agree with you that familiar surroundings, regular routine and care at home is best, provided you can cope.

 

[chuckym70]

Hi, just joined up because I think I'll be needing you guys in the coming weeks, months.

I've been looking after my dad for the past few years since my mum died. He has physical health problems following his cancer treatment. His memory has been declining slowly. We had a crisis last weekend when he went missing and was acutely confused. A CT brain confirmed "vascular changes" according to the A&E doc. So we're awaiting the memory clinic assessment and confirmation of the diagnosis. We went from "I've lost my keys" last week to not knowing who I was. I'm still in shock I guess, it's happened so quickly. The acute confusion disappeared quickly and now he's back to being "normal for dad."

I have a sibling who has never had a good relationship with dad. Let's just say they have been less than compassionate. They just want him to be put in a home. We're not there yet. Not by a long shot, I hope. I've tried to explain how we need to care for a dementia patient (I've worked 24 years in the NHS) and how familiarity, reassurance, routine and family support are essential. They just want the "proper authorities" involved. So I feel very alone.

Sorry for the rant, but it has been cathartic just typing this all out!

Hello. I won't pretend to understand how you feel. It is different for everyone. I can tell you if you dont care or if you dont do something youself , no one will. No dr, nursse, social worker, or in you case , a sister is going to look out for his best intrest. Just thier easy way to handle the situation. Being in your situation, I've learned everything is up to you and you have to commit to doing it. It is not easy. Theres lots of physical and administrative work I never thought I'd be doing. 10 years now my life has been on hold for my father. I do everything in my power to keep him with me. But its a fight and struggle almost everyday. With all kinds of people of situations. I never reply to these things. But I read your post and I wanted to let you know 2 things. 1st, Yes you can do it, no matter what you think. You will amaze yourself. And 2nd. your not alone in this world. Other people wake up in both roles everyday. Patient and caregiver. Only a caregiver can understand one another. NO ONE ELSE CAN, they might say they do. But they dont. So you have people here to listen. I'm here. I wont shout out advice or preach or judge. I know how important just listening can be. I wish you well and god bless you and your family.

 

[Grannie G]

Hi, just joined up because I think I'll be needing you guys in the coming weeks, months.

Welcome. I hope you get the help and support you need. There`s always someone here who will be able to identify with you.

 

[Grannie G]

@chuckym70

Now you`ve broken the ice with your first post I hope you`ll continue to post even for a bit of moral support.

 

[Gillywilly]

Don’t apologise for your rant I had a family who have just been exactly like yours. I had two sisters I myself am terminally ill and they left my father of 78 and myself to do everything for mum yes she had carers but she was dying and we were told she had less than a year last November she died in August I can’t even explain how unhelpful my family have been they are a disgrace. I don’t know where you want to nurse your father or if he is already in a home or if I’m his own home. But there is only so much one person can do and I am sure you are doing your best. It sounds like you’re family don’t want to help trust me there is no point in arguing with them to help they aren’t going to they are making this very clear they are selfish people. You take care of yourself I allowed my family to hurt me very badly and I had to go to mental health as I almost gave myself a breakdown over their behaviour take care best of luck