Newbie

[LCB7]

Hi!
I’ve never had any experience with this illness before but I’m going abroad to see my mother in law who has been diagnosed. We noticed signs pre covid and she’s rapidly gone down hill. She thinks my husband is at university and will leave the house with the door wide open and spends her day picking flowers so her house is getting robbed. Her sibling is struggling and wants us to take her back to the U.K with us as the homes there won’t take her because she refuses to stay there and gets aggressive. I’m worried at what is best to do as there is a language barrier plus I have three children and my husband travels half the month each month. I desperately want to look after her but im also worried I won’t be able to cope. Any advice?!! Plus when I see her is it better to show her photos of her grandchildren or will it confuse her? Im under the impression she won’t know who I am as she thinks her son is 20 years younger than he is.

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to the forum @LCB7

I’m sorry to read about your mother in law - it sounds a very difficult situation.

I don’t think there’s any harm in showing pictures of her grandchildren although I suspect that if your MIL is as bad as you say she probably won’t understand their relationship to her, especially as you think she won’t recognise you.

Before you make any decisions about becoming a full time carer do have a read around the forum and see how others have coped - or not coped. It is extremely challenging to care for someone with dementia and even more so when children are involved and ones partner is unavailable to help all the time. I myself would be very reluctant to take on such a task. You mention agression too which is common with dementia. How would you feel if your MIL became agressive toward your children and yourself? Would you be able to manage on the weeks your husband is away?

I hope you and your family can find a different solution which works for everyone. Sorry I can’t be more positive.

 

[DeeCee7]

Hello @LCB7 I am sorry you have this predicament to deal with. I would take some photos of your family as they will be a good talking point, even if she doesn’t recognise them. Is your MIL an expat? You mentioned a language barrier, but I wasn’t sure if this was for her or the care home? It seems she has tried a care home there already which hasn’t worked out. Clearly you won’t be able to manage her on your own at home, and I agree with all the points made by @Bunpoots on this. So it seems there’s little choice but to arrange for her to come back to the UK and into care. You will see for yourself on your visit where she is with her dementia . Good luck!