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Newbie rant


Registered User
Feb 8, 2016
So mum's been ridiculously confused since staying with me. Spoke to her doctor who informs me that it's probably connected to unfamiliar surroundings. Managed to speak to my brother (who lives with her and is her carer) even though this was a difficult thing for me to do. He will not accept any help that maybe available to them but expects me, who lives one hour away, to help. He says he's coping, I say he's not and needs help in the home.
I'm taking mum back home tomorrow with my husband in tow as I don't trust my brother to not 'kick off'.
I'm having to just accept that there is nothing I can do to help until he realises he can't cope on his own.


Registered User
Aug 28, 2014
You might need some tough love and refuse to help unless he gets some support. Can you try to understand why he is refusing help? If you are concerned for your mum then you might need to get social services involved. She needs to be safe.


Registered User
Aug 30, 2013
Cheekycow, does your brother have internet access?
If he does, introduce him to this forum, there plenty of blokes in his situation on here.
He'll be educated, and enlightened, all for free! (and it'll get his sister off his back!)



Registered User
Feb 8, 2016
Typically, I tell mum I'll take her back home tomorrow, so tonight has been her best night since she arrived.
I'm learning that perhaps little white lies are the answer to a few issues.


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
Hi Cheekycow
I hope you and your brother do find a way to discuss your mum's care and how to support her in the future
May I just say that sometimes as a carer you get so caught in the narrowing world of day to day care that it's really difficult to see the wood for the trees - your brother may sincerely believe he is coping because he just can't step aside and get any perspective
I do appreciate I don't know all of your family's circumstances - and he may have other motives and issues

and I wholly agree - 'the whole truth and nothing but the truth' is not always the best way
so glad your mum settled more
best wishes for the journey