Hello everyone. I have been lurking around this wonderful site for quite some time now and have gleaned so much incredibly useful information to help my husband in dealing with his dad’s Alzheimer’s and his mums Parkinson’s dementia. MIL is now at the stage where she is having delusions and hallucinations and dreams that she cannot be convinced are not real and is mostly angry or upset whenever we see her. FIL denies he has Alzheimer’s, tells everyone we put MIL in a home (not true, SS did when he had a UTI), is always angry and tells everyone his son and daughter are stealing his money. All of these things I understand are common dementia symptoms I have learned from here but there is something that I haven’t been able to find discussed so far.
What should we do when love lies can’t be used?
Both MIL and FIL are obsessed with moving Last March we gave in and moved them to a self contained flat attached to a nursing home. They were not even in a week before they started planning to move again. In October FIL has a UTI which rendered him unable to move and very confused and social services moved MIL into nursing home next door where she has been ever since (although she is not speaking to daughter as she claims she made them homeless at Xmas - a dream we think). A series of DOLs have kept MIL in care home ever since. FIL insists we have ‘put them there’ and tells friends and family so (FIL is not living in care home although we arranged for them to feed him there). DVLA recently revoked FILs licence, he blames us for this. He has told people my husband isn’t his son, is stealing from him and that we’ve stopped him from moving (none true). He is angry and aggressive with my poor husband, who has done nothing but try to help, refuses help, will not go to doctors or appointments with him, gets angry every time he visits. FIL seems to be able to remember things when he wants to. Is absolutely obsessed with moving both himself and MIL. SS do keep stepping in but FIL is still deemed as having capacity and SS seem insistent on giving them hope that they could move Which we do not believe is best for them because of MILs immobility and incontinence and FILs aggression (including to MIL)
How do you use love lies when they both sometimes remember things? If we don’t go along with moving plans, they get angry or upset but when we do, they tell family and friends. Feel so sorry for both MIL and FIL but it seems whenever we visit, we cause them distress.
Sorry for such a long post, it’s been a long journey already
What should we do when love lies can’t be used?
Both MIL and FIL are obsessed with moving Last March we gave in and moved them to a self contained flat attached to a nursing home. They were not even in a week before they started planning to move again. In October FIL has a UTI which rendered him unable to move and very confused and social services moved MIL into nursing home next door where she has been ever since (although she is not speaking to daughter as she claims she made them homeless at Xmas - a dream we think). A series of DOLs have kept MIL in care home ever since. FIL insists we have ‘put them there’ and tells friends and family so (FIL is not living in care home although we arranged for them to feed him there). DVLA recently revoked FILs licence, he blames us for this. He has told people my husband isn’t his son, is stealing from him and that we’ve stopped him from moving (none true). He is angry and aggressive with my poor husband, who has done nothing but try to help, refuses help, will not go to doctors or appointments with him, gets angry every time he visits. FIL seems to be able to remember things when he wants to. Is absolutely obsessed with moving both himself and MIL. SS do keep stepping in but FIL is still deemed as having capacity and SS seem insistent on giving them hope that they could move Which we do not believe is best for them because of MILs immobility and incontinence and FILs aggression (including to MIL)
How do you use love lies when they both sometimes remember things? If we don’t go along with moving plans, they get angry or upset but when we do, they tell family and friends. Feel so sorry for both MIL and FIL but it seems whenever we visit, we cause them distress.
Sorry for such a long post, it’s been a long journey already
