Hi all,My dad was officially diagnosed 2 years ago but should have been about 4/5 years before if all had been followed up correctly by medical staff.Hes coming up to 83 and in the last few weeks different stages are being noticed the latest being he thinks his home is somebody elses no matter how hard we tried we could not change his mind or the subject despite getting out all the paperwork of the deeds to his home bless him but today he has forgotten yesterdays worry, another stage in this dreadful disease .My dad was always hardworking and strict and to see him as he is now frail,scared and shuffling about is heartbreaking for my mum myself and my sisters. I have been to many appointments with him and without him and i have found there is quite a lot of help out there but sometimes i need support so here i am
Newbee. with my dad having alzheimers/dementia
- Thread starter mammaju
- Start date
Hello, @mammaju, and a very warm welcome to Talking Point. I am sorry to hear about your dad and that you have needed to find your way here, but hope you will find Talking Point to be both supportive and helpful.
We all need support, so no worries there. This is a difficult and dreadful disease and while it's of course very hard on the person with dementia, it is also stressful for the family and carers. Definitely don't be shy to ask for help and never turn down any offers of assistance!
The delusions (the false, fixed beliefs such as "this isn't my house") are part of the disease and they can be very difficult to deal with. Generally, contradicting or reasoning with the person with dementia doesn't work well and may provoke anxiety, upset, or even aggression, so you may want to consider not reasoning with him. It was a hard learning curve for me when my mother was diagnosed as I didn't really know anything about dementia and had a vague idea it was to do with memory loss. I had no idea that while memory can be impaired, other things like executive function and planning and logical thought get impacted as well. I was told by someone earlier on, not to try to reason with my mother, as her "reasoner was broken." It is hard to wrap our normal brains around the brain damage that this disease causes, especially when the person is still talking and walking and looking like themselves. A broken leg is easy to understand but a broken brain, not so much.
At any rate, you might try reassuring him when he is upset. A lot of sympathy and empathy and reassurance in general terms that it will be okay, or you will take care of it, or you will look into that for him, and then try distracting and redirecting him. My mother is easily distracted with food (cup of tea, a biscuit, cake, chocolate, ice cream) but others might be distracted by a walk, or going to sit in the garden, or watching a favourite show, or listening to some music, or an activity of some sort.
There is some good information about communication techniques to try if that might be of interest?
The Alzheimer's Society has a lot of good information on their website and that may also be helpful.
I am not sure what sort of help and support your parents have at the moment but I wonder if there are any carers groups in their area, a day centre he might attend, that sort of thing?
I hope you will find Talking Point helpful and keep posting and reading here. Remember, it's always open so you can stop in any time!
Very best wishes to you and your family.
We all need support, so no worries there. This is a difficult and dreadful disease and while it's of course very hard on the person with dementia, it is also stressful for the family and carers. Definitely don't be shy to ask for help and never turn down any offers of assistance!
The delusions (the false, fixed beliefs such as "this isn't my house") are part of the disease and they can be very difficult to deal with. Generally, contradicting or reasoning with the person with dementia doesn't work well and may provoke anxiety, upset, or even aggression, so you may want to consider not reasoning with him. It was a hard learning curve for me when my mother was diagnosed as I didn't really know anything about dementia and had a vague idea it was to do with memory loss. I had no idea that while memory can be impaired, other things like executive function and planning and logical thought get impacted as well. I was told by someone earlier on, not to try to reason with my mother, as her "reasoner was broken." It is hard to wrap our normal brains around the brain damage that this disease causes, especially when the person is still talking and walking and looking like themselves. A broken leg is easy to understand but a broken brain, not so much.
At any rate, you might try reassuring him when he is upset. A lot of sympathy and empathy and reassurance in general terms that it will be okay, or you will take care of it, or you will look into that for him, and then try distracting and redirecting him. My mother is easily distracted with food (cup of tea, a biscuit, cake, chocolate, ice cream) but others might be distracted by a walk, or going to sit in the garden, or watching a favourite show, or listening to some music, or an activity of some sort.
There is some good information about communication techniques to try if that might be of interest?
The Alzheimer's Society has a lot of good information on their website and that may also be helpful.
I am not sure what sort of help and support your parents have at the moment but I wonder if there are any carers groups in their area, a day centre he might attend, that sort of thing?
I hope you will find Talking Point helpful and keep posting and reading here. Remember, it's always open so you can stop in any time!
Very best wishes to you and your family.
Hello and a warm welcome to TP @mammaju although I’m sorry that you needed to find us
@Amy in the US has given you some good advice, I’ve attached the link to the Alzheimer’s society’s fact sheets, they may be of interest to you
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets
I hope you will continue to post now you have found us, there is a lot of very supportive people on the forum
@Amy in the US has given you some good advice, I’ve attached the link to the Alzheimer’s society’s fact sheets, they may be of interest to you
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets
I hope you will continue to post now you have found us, there is a lot of very supportive people on the forum
Hi, my dad had dementia for 12 years and passed away in September. The best advice I can give you is to accept each step of this heartbreaking disease. We knew there was nothing we could do to stop it but we could control how we dealt with it. We never looks back at what he’d lost we looked forward and focussed on what he still had. We didn’t try and put him right when he said something wrong we just stepped into his world and listened. It never mattered to us when he could no longer remember us, he was still our dad and that could never be taken away. We referred to it as the old dad and the new dad, both very precious and very dear. It would have been so easy for us to feel pity for him, but we didn’t, there was no room for that. The road ahead will be bumpy, good days and bad days but if you have love and acceptance as your focus then I truly believe your journey with your dad will be the most beautiful, heartbreaking,rewarding experience you will ever have. With all my heart I wish you and your family all the best.
