New user - advice needed please

[Lily's daughter]

Hi,

I'd be really grateful for any advice you can give. My mother who lives alone, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's three years ago. We'd had carers visit 3 times a day but she's been going downhill rapidly over the last few months and often refused to let the carers in. After a few incidences recently we decided for her own safety she'd have to go into residential care.

We found a lovely (private) home and moved her in two weeks ago. To our amazement she's settled in really quickly, loving the attention, company and being looked after. All good. But when we visit she changes. She swears at us and throws things accusing me of killing her dog and demanding we take her home. Once we leave she once again settles down and doesn't mention us or going home.

My question is should we continue to visit - which upsets her - or leave her for a few weeks to settle in? It seems so difficult to know what to do.

 

[Flower_fairy]

Hi,
This must be really difficult as she is so settled when you are not there. This is common so please dont feel too bad. You could try not visiting for a few days and see how she is after that, however, the staff in the home should be trained to deal with this and probably do so on a regular basis so they should really be spending time talking to her when you are not there, reassuring her that she is safe and you did the right thing and trying to make her see that you are not the "baddy". I would wonder if she is in fact as settled as they say or are they just not mentioning you to her to stop her from getting distressed? These issues need to be addressed rather rapidly to stop you losing this relationship. xx