1. Q&A: "Loneliness and isolation" - Tuesday 30 Oct, 2-3pm

    Are you experiencing loneliness and isolation? Do you care for someone with dementia or have dementia yourself? We are here to answer your questions on this emotive topic. Our next expert Q&A will be hosted by Anne from our Helpline team. She will be answering your questions on Tuesday 30 October from 2-3pm. Want to ask questions in advance, or don’t think you can make it? You can either post questions here or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on Tuesday 30th of October from 2-3 pm.

    Pop by and post your questions now and we'll answer them on Tuesday.

New to TP - mum does not accept she has alzeimer's

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Talking Point' started by Flossyp, May 31, 2018.

  1. Flossyp

    Flossyp New member

    May 14, 2018
    4
    Hi, My mum was diagnosed about a year ago with Alzheimer's but she will not accept this and will not talk about it. I go to see her most days. She gets really confused about days dates and times. And has become quite snappy and argumentative. When first prescribed her medication she took 2 weeks worth in one day, she was quite sick but no lasting damage. She now has a locked alarm dispenser which seems to work but if she is not at home when the alarm goes off she forgets to take a pill. Even though she takes these pills she does not think they are for Alzheimer's! She has changed a lot in the last 6 months and does not remember a lot of people and as with others talk constantly about when she was young repeating the same story every day. It might be easier if she did accept it as we could get someone in to pop and see her a couple of days a week maybe to cook a meal or just chat. She does not like here oven anymore and mainly uses the top of the electric hob as this is easier for her to do. Anyway this is just my introduction. I will be after a bit advice shortly.
     
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Volunteer Host

    Jul 23, 2017
    3,057
    Male
    N Ireland
    Hello @Flossyp, you are very welcome here and I hope you find the forum a friendly and supportive place.
    Do have a good look around the site and start a new thread about any specific question or just to have a vent. We are all understanding here.
    A good place to start for info is the Factsheet list and in case you haven't found it yet, here's a link https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/publications-factsheets-full-list
     
  3. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    7,756
    leicester
    Hi @Flossyp welcome to TP

    It is quite common for people not to want to accept a diagnosis of Alzheimer’s.
    It sounds as if you are getting to the stage of trying to get you Mum to accept some help at home, another mine field, do you think she might enjoy daycare especially if it has activities? I told my husband it was a free lunch club and he accepted that quite well..
    Please keep posting so we can all try to help
     
  4. Delphie

    Delphie Registered User

    Dec 14, 2011
    1,229
    What you're describing is quite common, Flossyp, and certainly echoes the experience I had with my mum. I tried all sorts to get her to accept help (which she badly needed) but she was absolutely convinced that there was nothing wrong with her. In her head, she shopped, cooked, cleaned, washed and so on, whereas in reality she lived in filth and her fridge was full of rotting food and she was struggling to make as much as a cup of tea.

    I know some have had success with 'love lies', telling their loved one that a cleaner/carer is part of some new government initiative, free, everybody over (insert age) is getting one, or whatever, but nothing like that ever worked with my mum and the more I helped the worse our relationship got, and before long I was being accused of stealing and generally conspiring against her.

    So yes, it would've been so much easier had she accepted the diagnosis or even just that she was getting on a bit and needed a little help, but for us that never happened. She just got worse and worse, and was going to be sectioned, so I took her 'on holiday' to a lovely 'hotel'. A care home. But there is an upside. She eventually settled and her quality of life really improved.

    So my advice is do your best to convince her, lie if you have to, and you might get lucky. If not, then it's not your fault. Dementia is a tough adversary.
     
  5. Flossyp

    Flossyp New member

    May 14, 2018
    4
    Thank you all for your replies. I will have a look at the fact sheet. And I am just finding my way around the forum. My mum still keeps a clean house she has just got very muddly and I find lots of cotton wool pads and toothpicks. She will also not use a bath towel anymore she only uses hand towels to dry herself which is strange. She will not go to a day centre this has been suggested and she does not want to do much that any of us suggest she always does not like whatever we suggest. She does still go dancing with a friend she has had for 60 years most Friday nights which she enjoys.

    She always thinks there is something wrong with her and is always contacting the doctors or making appointments which she gets the days muddled up. The only thing she does not think is wrong with her is alzheimers!!
     
  6. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    963
    Give up now or it will drive you nuts. You will not convince her of anything she does not want to hear. She has it in her head that she is fine and that will not change whatever you say to her. You will have to change tactics. My dad takes a memory pill just like every other person of his age.

    She sounds a bit like my dad, he can manage about the house but does odd things like moving things around every day and often losing things. Dad is 88 walks with a stick and now has oesophageal cancer, he had a stent put in a few weeks ago so now he can eat again after 3 months of fluids only. He has no memory of any of this and will state quiet blatantly that he is perfectly able to run around the block and that he eats a pie for lunch every day. I just agree with him now as it saves arguments that I will never win.
     
  7. mumsgone

    mumsgone Registered User

    Dec 23, 2015
    287
    Hi flossyp, My mum would never accept that she had dementia but was perfectly happy when I said never mind you're just going a bit doolally ! There is no point arguing with her and when she tells you the same thing each time you see her just pretend it's the first time you have heard it. Keep her happy and keep her safe are the best things you can do for her. Tis a long and sometimes tedious road we travel when caring for someone with dementia, just be assured there is always someone here ready to listen and bash the keys in response and we all know what you are going through. xx
     
  8. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    15,601
    Toronto, Canada
    My mother would fly into a violent rage when she even heard the word "Alzheimer's" but would reluctantly accept that her "memory isn't what it used to be". In my opinion, there is no point in trying to get your mother to accept her diagnosis. She will only get upset and so will you.
     
  9. Flossyp

    Flossyp New member

    May 14, 2018
    4
     
  10. Flossyp

    Flossyp New member

    May 14, 2018
    4
    Thanks for your advise. Sorry i didnt reply earlier been very busy and didnt have wifi for a while. Hope your dad is ok
     

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