Hello I am new to the forums. My 83 year old dad was diagnosed with ‘late onset mild Alzheimers’ back in 2017. My personal situation is that I am married, have 3 teenage children and officially work 30 hours/week in a highly pressured job which sees me often taking work home or working late although I’m not paid to do that. I have one brother who doesn’t live in the area and who visits on average about once/month but only for 1 day at a time although it is 8 weeks since he has been and that was for a family event. I am very disorganised and my home gets very neglected. I haven’t really thought of myself as a carer as such especially as I don’t feel like I do much / enough for dad. I also feel very selfish. Sorry if this ends up being a very long post but below I will try to summarise my experience so far: Dad started to show signs of short term memory loss in 2016. At the time my mum was dying of Cancer and most family and friends put it down to stress and grief and thought things would improve. Only myself, my DH and my brother thought it might be something more. At that stage dad agreed to set up lasting Powers of Attorney for Finance and Welfare. We got the diagnosis mid 2017. Dad had been referred to a specialist local memory protection service who were great but their involvement ended with the diagnosis and a prescription of Donepezil. We were then placed back in the care of his GP who he has seen only a few times since the diagnosis although for matters not connected to the Alzheimers which they never seem to take into account when they see him despite it being on file. He sees a nurse annually to check weight, bloods and see how he’s getting on. It all feels like lip service as any concerns I raise seem to get bounced back to me. He doesn’t have a Social Worker and he has not been assessed again since his diagnosis. At the time of the diagnosis dad’s short term memory was bad but he could still hold a conversation about most things, albeit repetitive, he walked to the local shop every morning and bought himself a newspaper, he was assessed as still able to drive, he demonstrated that he could cook for himself, he kept himself and his house clean and he used to walk to his local most Thursdays and Fridays to see his friends although they had to ring him and remind him to go. He didn’t remember if he’d had visitors or phone calls, he sometimes forgot to take his medication (delivered in Nomad packs) and we weren’t convinced that he was eating properly. He seemed to use his car mostly to visit the local chippy which he seemed to do more and more. My brother got annoyed about this and seemed to think that I could do something about it while I was happy that he was, at least, getting himself something substantial to eat most days. Now he is still living alone in the old family home, his conversations are very repetitive, he has no short term memory to speak of although still knows people, we didn’t renew his drivers licence when it expired as he ‘lost’ his car a couple of times when at the chippy and thought he would fail an assessment, he stopped going to the local at all and refuses to go even when we offer to take him, his personal hygiene is poor although he insists he has a shower every day (he smells) and he wears the same clothes day after day. A few weeks ago we managed to persuade him to have a shower (very begrudgingly) before a trip out and recovered some very soiled underwear. Having always been clean shaven, he now only shaves when prompted. His house also gets pretty messy by his old, very tidy, standards. He still goes to the shop every morning for his paper and a few bits of food. I rang local social services over a year ago and they told me that it was pointless reassessing him as he wasn’t bad enough but if we wanted to arrange extra care privately we could. We’ve tried to discuss this with dad and he is very resistant. The only support we do have now is that we are paying for someone to pop in every day to give him his medication. As I stated at the start my involvement is not enough but everyone is looking to me to make sure he is being cared for properly and everyone is quick to tell me what they think: I arrange / take him to doctors/dentists/opticians appointments My DH and I make sure he has enough cash to make him still feel like he has control over his spending on a day to day basis Most Saturdays we get him fish and chips Most Sundays he has Sunday lunch with us If we are having a day out somewhere we will include him My dh does some shopping for him on a Wednesday when I am at a fitness class We try to sort his post out although he gets very possessive and suspicious We try to keep his fridge clear of out of date food We change his bed and wash bedding We try to wash clothes although we have to try to sneak them out My uncle helps out a bit in that he visits dad regularly and takes him meals to heat up from time to time. I feel like I'm letting dad down and that I am missing out on support as others seem to think he should be getting more. I was wondering what others experiences are?