New to the forum

[Mable30]

Hi, I’m new to this forum. My mam who is 84 was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s 3 years ago. Its only me to help care for her as my sister lives abroad. My question is, is it common they lie about things. Maybe Lying is a strong word, but for example she tells me she’s sleeping well and not up through the night but I know she is up,and about. She tells me she’s eating well but I know she’s not.
Any advice will be greatly appreaciated

 

[Kevinl]

Hello and welcome Mable. In their world what they say is real, in spite of any evidence to the contary.
My often repeated mantra is we have to learn to live in their world when they cannot live in ours.
Fight all the battles you want, but you will lose the war when it comes to AZ. For me it was easier to just say yes, then if I changed my mind she would agree too and want to do I wanted to whatever it was.
I need Shower, we needed a shower, I need the toilet, so did she too, she wouldn't want to eat but suddenly when I cooked for one, she ate it, I cooked for me later on and eat alone most of the time after I'd fed her. K

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @Mable30.

It’s really hard, I know. I’m glad you’ve found this forum. You’ll get a lot of understanding and support here.

On the forum people often call them ‘love lies’.

You might find these links useful -

Is it okay to lie to someone with dementia?

A person with dementia might ask questions that are difficult to answer truthfully without causing distress. Read our advice on why the person might be asking these questions and how to respond in situations where it might be better to lie or to not tell the whole truth.

www.alzheimers.org.uk

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

 

[Gosling]

Hello and just to say welcome from me too @Mable30 to this friendly and supportive forum. I am very glad you have found us, as there is bags of understanding here from members that really do want to help.
I hope you find the links already sent useful for information, but please do, if you have any particular questions, then please ask away,

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Mable30 and welcome from me too. Long after she was capable my wife went shopping in the city, read books and met friends for coffee. She didn't but it would be harsh to say that she was lying as she seemed to truly believe that all of these and more still happened. It was the same with personal hygiene and care. She was affronted if I suggested that she did not wash properly, for example.

I am afraid that one needs to look beyond what the person says because that's not likely to be accurate. It may fool some people though.

 

[maggie6445]

Hello @Mable30
, sadly a lot of what my OH says is either complete nonsense or a mix of reality and perceived reality.. He believes it , he's not lying.

Only this teatime I entered the room after washing
up.He asked me where the thing he was making this afternoon had gone. Where had I put it?
He hadn't made anything ,I hadn't put it anywhere.
I managed to convince him he'd been asleep and had dreamt it. He's aware he sleeps a lot so he accepts that. I'm not sure what I'd say if he didn't sleep so much!

Unless it's really important he knows the truth,something that would lead to the authorities being involved ,I let him think what he wants. 😘

 

[canary]

Its not actually lying, its called confabulation and is very much a feature of dementia. What is happening is that the subconscious brain is filling in the gaps in the memory with false memories that to her seem like the real thing. So she totally believes what she has said, because, you see, she remembers it......

 

[Mable30]

Its not actually lying, its called confabulation and is very much a feature of dementia. What is happening is that the subconscious brain is filling in the gaps in the memory with false memories that to her seem like the real thing. So she totally believes what she has said, because, you see, she remembers it......

Thank you, this really helps

 

[Mable30]

Its not actually lying, its called confabulation and is very much a feature of dementia. What is happening is that the subconscious brain is filling in the gaps in the memory with false memories that to her seem like the real thing. So she totally believes what she has said, because, you see, she remembers it......

Thank you so much for your response

Its not actually lying, its called confabulation and is very much a feature of dementia. What is happening is that the subconscious brain is filling in the gaps in the memory with false memories that to her seem like the real thing. So she totally believes what she has said, because, you see, she remembers it......

thank you