New to forum today

[DiScot]

Hello, need a little advise please

My dad was diagnosed with dementia and Alzheimer's last September, his decline sped up once his driving license was taken from him, and I'm now living with mum and dad and we seemed to have a handle on it, he's up a lot during the night, he sleepwalks and is very creative with the furniture! While I was at work (I work full-time) he got out of the house a few times and we had to get the police to find him, we now have tracker insoles in his shoes, so we've solved that problem.

My main problem is now my mum is showing signs of memory loss, I've been trying to get her to the doctor but she's not having any of it! Today she doesn't know who I am, she thinks I'm her sister, my heart is breaking, I thought I had a handle on it with my dad and we were coping fine, but now mum, I depend on her to look after dad while I'm at work, there's no other family that can help, I'm not sure I should be leaving them alone during the days anymore, waiting for social services to see if they can help

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Di

How dreadful for you. Just when you thought you`d got it sorted.

I hope Social Services see you soon. Give them a reminder if they take their time. You parents need to be assessed to see if they are safe left to themselves and if not, perhaps carers can be brought in.

If your mother is unable to consider any possibility of her own dementia, perhaps she can be encouraged to accept help for your father while you are at work.

You`ve done so well . It`s heartbreaking more is being asked of you.

 

[DiScot]

Thank you Grannie G, feel better just being able to share with people who know what we're going through.

I'd just feel less worried if I knew they were ok during the day

Thankyou xx


Sent from my iPad using Talking Point

 

[cragmaid]

Hi, get the SS involved, they may be able to advise you about day centres etc. But, if this is a quick change for Mum, it might be our old " friend" the UTI. Perhaps you could get a sample off to the GP in the morning? Easier said than done, I know. It might help to ring the surgery and ask the GP if he could perform a "well woman" check because of your worries and give a list of your concerns.

Dad should qualify for Attendance Allawance and this could help to pay for a sitter/Day Club and of course the same will apply for Mum if diagnosed. These are not means tested but needs tested and you fill the forms in on a " worst case" scenario.

The other thing is to get Mum and Dad while/if they both still have Capacity, to sign the Lasting Power of Attorney forms which you can downlaod from the OPG site. This will give their appointee the legal authority to act on their behalf when the need arises.
Good Luck.

 

[jenniferpa]

I should point out, the OP is in Scotland and the procedure for continuing power of attorney is different there.

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/scotland/money-matters/power-of-attorney/

 

[marionq]

Find out if Alzheimers Scotland have a daycentre in your area. They are really wonderful and would take both your parents in their minibus, feed them, entertain and stimulate them. When the SW comes ask about being referred. I know there are good services in your county/shire as my sister lives in Bannockburn and her husband had dementia. Don't be shy about asking around.

 

[DiScot]

Hi, get the SS involved, they may be able to advise you about day centres etc. But, if this is a quick change for Mum, it might be our old " friend" the UTI. Perhaps you could get a sample off to the GP in the morning? Easier said than done, I know. It might help to ring the surgery and ask the GP if he could perform a "well woman" check because of your worries and give a list of your concerns.

Dad should qualify for Attendance Allawance and this could help to pay for a sitter/Day Club and of course the same will apply for Mum if diagnosed. These are not means tested but needs tested and you fill the forms in on a " worst case" scenario.

The other thing is to get Mum and Dad while/if they both still have Capacity, to sign the Lasting Power of Attorney forms which you can downlaod from the OPG site. This will give their appointee the legal authority to act on their behalf when the need arises.
Good Luck.

Hi, thankyou so much for your advice, I've been off sick with a viral infection, tonsillitis, so i may have passed something onto mum, I didn't think of that, I'll get onto GP in the morning.

I've got power of attorney for my dad but yes I think I need to get moving with mum too.

Thankyou so much for your help!!!

D xx

 

[DiScot]

I should point out, the OP is in Scotland and the procedure for continuing power of attorney is different there.

Thankyou

D xx

 

[DiScot]

Find out if Alzheimers Scotland have a daycentre in your area. They are really wonderful and would take both your parents in their minibus, feed them, entertain and stimulate them. When the SW comes ask about being referred. I know there are good services in your county/shire as my sister lives in Bannockburn and her husband had dementia. Don't be shy about asking around.

I will do, they really need a change of scenery and some stimulation, thankyou for your help

D xx

 

[Shedrech]

hello DiScot
and welcome to TP
as you're discovering it's a great place to come to share your experience with others
Your mum may be frightened to go to her GP because her husband has already been diagnosed and she fears the worse for herself
maybe letting her know that there are other reasons for symptoms which may seem like dementia eg vitamin B12 deficiency, stress, UTI or other infection ... which can be treated fairly simply, leaving her back to her usual self, may reassure her that the GP visit is well worth the effort
maybe, too, a little 'blackmail' = you're worried you've passed on your infection to her and maybe your dad will get it, so best get the GP to check her over so YOU are not worried and feeling guilty (my parents would do stuff for me that they'd put off otherwise) - plus gently pointing out that if there are any problems with her health and welfare, she may find it tough looking after her husband, so best for HIM that she get a regular check up
if she won't go for herself, would she go with you (if you have the same GP) to an appointment she thinks is for you and you need some moral support, or are popping in to the GP on the way to somewhere else ... if you prepped the GP with a written note of your concerns, they'd know what to be looking for and could turn to your mum after a quick confirmation that your 'infection test' came up clear!?
if you feel that you'd like someone to pop in to see your parents during the day, and they have the funds, there's nothing to stop you organising some home care visits or a sitter or a version of meals on wheels - maybe check with AgeUK
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/scotland/
and local AS groups

http://www.alzscot.org/services_and_support/search
best wishes

 

[Izzy]

I'm a bit late to this, sorry. I just wanted to echo the suggestion to get in touch with Alzheimer Scotland if you haven't already done so. I realise that your dad was diagnosed in September so you probably know that we are entitled to a year's post diagnostic support in Scotland -

http://www.alzscot.org/campaigning/five_pillars

If your mum is diagnosed with dementia she will have that entitlement.

 

[Georgina63]

Hi DiScot
Welcomto TP, so sorry to hear about your Mum and Dad. I don't know that I have a lot more to add to what has already been offered, other than support and understanding about having both parents with AD (mine now both in CH). Just get as much help as you can for your folks, as soon as you can, and maybe your local Alzheimers society is a good place to start - I found them invaluable. All the best. Georgina X

 

[DiScot]

hello DiScot
and welcome to TP
as you're discovering it's a great place to come to share your experience with others
Your mum may be frightened to go to her GP because her husband has already been diagnosed and she fears the worse for herself
maybe letting her know that there are other reasons for symptoms which may seem like dementia eg vitamin B12 deficiency, stress, UTI or other infection ... which can be treated fairly simply, leaving her back to her usual self, may reassure her that the GP visit is well worth the effort
maybe, too, a little 'blackmail' = you're worried you've passed on your infection to her and maybe your dad will get it, so best get the GP to check her over so YOU are not worried and feeling guilty (my parents would do stuff for me that they'd put off otherwise) - plus gently pointing out that if there are any problems with her health and welfare, she may find it tough looking after her husband, so best for HIM that she get a regular check up
if she won't go for herself, would she go with you (if you have the same GP) to an appointment she thinks is for you and you need some moral support, or are popping in to the GP on the way to somewhere else ... if you prepped the GP with a written note of your concerns, they'd know what to be looking for and could turn to your mum after a quick confirmation that your 'infection test' came up clear!?
if you feel that you'd like someone to pop in to see your parents during the day, and they have the funds, there's nothing to stop you organising some home care visits or a sitter or a version of meals on wheels - maybe check with AgeUK

Hi shedrech,

She is due a check up with the doctor so I could do it at the same time, sounds the perfect solution.

I'll push forward with SS I've requested an assessment so we can look at what care packages are available, I just need peace of mind knowing they're ok when I'm at work.

Thankyou for your help, much appreciated

D
Xx

 

[DiScot]

Hi DiScot
Welcomto TP, so sorry to hear about your Mum and Dad. I don't know that I have a lot more to add to what has already been offered, other than support and understanding about having both parents with AD (mine now both in CH). Just get as much help as you can for your folks, as soon as you can, and maybe your local Alzheimers society is a good place to start - I found them invaluable. All the best. Georgina X

Hi Georgia,

Thank you I will do.

I'm so glad I've joined this forum, was feeling really lost this morning, but I now feel I've got help at hand with people that understand what I'm feeling and how I can get support.

Thank you

D
Xx

 

[DiScot]

I'm a bit late to this, sorry. I just wanted to echo the suggestion to get in touch with Alzheimer Scotland if you haven't already done so. I realise that your dad was diagnosed in September so you probably know that we are entitled to a year's post diagnostic support in Scotland -



If your mum is diagnosed with dementia she will have that entitlement.

Hi Izzy


Thank you much appreciated

D
Xx