New to Forum, first post

[JRF]

Hello Everyone
I’m new to this forum. My husband was diagnosed with vascular dementia and Alzheimer’s early this year and my mother was diagnosed with dementia about a month ago.
I’m just feeling very sad, anxious, scared and sometimes I just don’t know what to do. I feel stuck in my life. Don’t know where to turn.
My husband is in a nursing home. Today wasn’t a good day. He kept on swearing and shouting at everyone. Wouldn’t let the Poditist look at the sores on the heels of his feet.
Then there’s mum refusing to take and hiding her medication. She doesn’t trust me. When she was in hospital she was accusing doctors and nurses of stealing.
I just feel awful.

 

[try again]

Hi, what a difficult situation you find yourself in. I often struggle with my mother who is in a nursing home with dementia and my partner with cancer.
It's hard to be strong when you are under duress on two fronts.
I have no children to help, a sister who has been mainly absent but currently dealing with the loss of her husband at the end of October .
I sleep and eat too much and limp round in circles.
I try to put things into compartments. My mum moved into her nursing home last week at her care homes request, so I should be relaxing from the month of looking for somewhere for her. I know she is safe and being cared for so that's one box I can put in the corner .
My partners cancer, he has a low grade cancer and had to start a new treatment at the beginning of the year and is responding well but has just undergone a prostrate biopsy. That box is in the middle of the room as we wait for results .

Do you have family to share with?

I keep saying I will get a grip and am determined to once these long dark days begin to recede.

Your husband is safe and being looked after. He may have had a bad day today but we all have bad days. Take an extra few days away to rebalance yourself.

Your experience with your husband must count and help to deal with your mum. It sounds as though she is in need of extra help to live her best life. Deep breaths and one step at a time.

Make sure you reach out for support for yourself. It's something I'm not good at myself, but do as I say and not as I do. 😉😁

 

[JRF]

Hi, what a difficult situation you find yourself in. I often struggle with my mother who is in a nursing home with dementia and my partner with cancer.
It's hard to be strong when you are under duress on two fronts.
I have no children to help, a sister who has been mainly absent but currently dealing with the loss of her husband at the end of October .
I sleep and eat too much and limp round in circles.
I try to put things into compartments. My mum moved into her nursing home last week at her care homes request, so I should be relaxing from the month of looking for somewhere for her. I know she is safe and being cared for so that's one box I can put in the corner .
My partners cancer, he has a low grade cancer and had to start a new treatment at the beginning of the year and is responding well but has just undergone a prostrate biopsy. That box is in the middle of the room as we wait for results .

Do you have family to share with?

I keep saying I will get a grip and am determined to once these long dark days begin to recede.

Your husband is safe and being looked after. He may have had a bad day today but we all have bad days. Take an extra few days away to rebalance yourself.

Your experience with your husband must count and help to deal with your mum. It sounds as though she is in need of extra help to live her best life. Deep breaths and one step at a time.

Make sure you reach out for support for yourself. It's something I'm not good at myself, but do as I say and not as I do. 😉😁

We have no children. My siblings do not have a good relationship with mum so they don’t get involved.
Mum’s closest friends are not in great health or are busy with work.
I just have to take one step at a time and start reaching out, which I also find hard to do.
Thanks for the encouragement😊

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @JRF and welcome to Dementia Support Forum our friendly and helpful community. I am sorry to hear about your situation and understand how difficult this must be. Feeling awful is common amongst carers and family members. Dementia is so devastating and one can feel overwhelmed. But remember that your husband and your mum act as they do because they are unwell. It is not something they choose to do and is nobody's fault.

Please do not hesitate to come here whenever you need support. There is solace to be found in sharing with people who truly understand and empathise. You'll also find plenty of good sense and a safe place - when you need it - to let off steam.

 

[JRF]

Thank you for your encouragement.
Kind Regards
JFR