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[Clareph]

This is my first time on the forum. My husband and I help with the care of his parents,both diagnosed with Alzehimers and dementia. They have deteriorated significantly this year but are both still at home. We have carers coming in most days to help with morning meds and also cooking lunch as Mum is no longer safe to do this. She also has limited movement due to arthritis. Today they have started taking about wanting to go on a cruise again. This is something they used to do regularly. Is there any advice on this as we are worried about the level of care they would need and if it is possible to get insurances etc. Mum can be very verbally aggressive and intolerant and Dad gets confused on occasions. Is taking them to such an unfamiliar environment recommended? We are concerned that if things do not go as they think, they will not be able to 'get off' and thus could result in meltdowns and other behaviors. We are relatively new to this situation as they were only diagnosed mid last year and the decline has only really happened in the last 6-8 months. Would welcome any thoughts.

 

[Gosling]

Hello @Clareph and firstly welcome to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia here so I am glad you have found us.

I am sorry to read about your in laws, and both of their deteriorations over recent months.
As to your questions about them possibly wanting to go on a cruise, I would strongly recommend that you try and squash this idea. People with dementia do not do well in unfamiliar surroundings, and as their behaviours, verbal aggression, confusion, and intolerance is evident now - what on earth would they be like cooped up on a cruise? I would strongly suggest this is a non-starter. Sorry if that's not the answer you were hoping for. Others will probably be along shortly with their thoughts.

 

[Ellie2018]

My husband struggled on our last holiday 6 years ago, it would be impossible for him to do it now because if you took him out of his comfort zone he would be terrified so I’m not sure it would be a great thing for them. In terms of the aggression, my husband had that and we got him on mitrazapine - taken a few months to get the dose right, but it’s almost non-existent now so it might be worth checking with the GP because it certainly makes the days easier, even if it doesn’t help get them on a cruise.

 

[Alisongs]

My first instinct is no no way Jose! Thinking it through:
Your in laws lives have improved with all the care in place, and the wish to go on a cruise shows they feel more like they used to. A credit to all those who made this happen.

Dementia truths and the facts on the ground may vary!

Dementia can mean not coping with anything new. A strange ship to get around, a different bedroom, strangers at every turn, different countries, different languages and a different destination every day. No familiar support.

I feel apprehensive at the storm of sensory overload and it's not even my family!

How about getting lots of brochures for cruises specifically for the elderly? Saga? Lots and lots of brochures to dream over and discuss. They may get no further and you can reminisce about what they used to do on a cruise. Sort out the old photos and mementoes into memory books. Reinforce the good memories not the present wishful thinking.

Explore costs and exclusions of insurance. It might not be affordable or possible.

Research with them, get them onto a coach or a bus for some accompanied close to home sightseeing to see how they cope and recover. Far better to find out at home!

Get them to the doctor for a fitness check up to prepare for a cruise. Bad news comes better from a professional or third party.

Support the idea but not the cruise. Show them the obstacles without being the obstacle.

Find outings they can cope with. Good luck

 

[Rosettastone57]

This isn't a good idea. I think your in law's would struggle to sort it out themselves, but I don't think you should assist them either . Get the brochure and if they ask you to sort it out then you can keep delaying using the following tactics:

Oh that cruise is full
Oh the weather then is terrible
Oh the cruise is too noisy
The company has gone bust


You get the idea . Hopefully they'll move onto something else . I'm sure that's not what you want to hear

 

[northumbrian_k]

Hi @Clareph and welcome to the Forum. I have never been on a cruise but would imagine that there are so many potential risks that this would be totally unsuited to be anyone with fairly advanced dementia.

Looking after my wife on hotel-based holidays was difficult enough. From early on my attempts at stopping her from leaving the bedroom at dead of night were futile. She would be looking for the toilet or for me (fast asleep), go out of the door into the corridor and find herself locked out. So off she would wander, eventually being brought back by the night receptionist or another guest. That was scary but just about manageable. A similar scenario on a cruise ship might be very much more risky.

If your parents get pleasure from talking about cruises they might go on that's fine. But I think that they are well past the point of this being realistic.

 

[Clareph]

Thanks to those who responded. Your advice is what we felt but wanted reassurance we were taking the right stance. Disappointing to restrict their movements but I do believe it would cause more stress than enjoyment. We would have gone with them but we are approaching the point where we have concerns about Dad wondering so this would be a constant worry for us, especially in this particular environment. Have taken the decision to manage short day trips to help get them out the house and seeing different sights but at distances and places they can manage in small doses.