New Member


Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
Hi there
Dad has recently been told that the he has alzheimers and he doesn't want to acknowledge the fact. He wont take medication or indeed allow his doctor access to his home. Mum is also termailly ill with cancer and I am the only one looking after them. My brother doesn't want to know. I know that I'm not coping and its affecting my health. I have lots of panick attacks and find myself overeating because I don't know how to cope> My GP is very helpful and supportive but I feel very alone and I have to say very angry when dad is rude or horrible to me and then the guilt sets in.

Kit Kat

Registered User
Feb 10, 2008
Hi Andrear

I can identify with how you are feeling. My Mum was diagnosed with Alzheimer's just over 12months ago and my Dad is not in the best of health. They are both in their late 70s and I am only child of 40years old.

My Dad is Mum's primary carer and refuses any help - he doesn't want outsiders "meddling and interfering".

I often feel quilty and useless when it comes to my Mum and quite often over-eat. I think I do this because food is comforting and I miss the comfort I used to get from my Mum before she got ill.

Although my Mum is still here, as in on this earth, she is in a world of her own. I sometimes struggle with coming to terms with how ill she really is and often ask myself "why her, why has she got such a cruel illness"...

I'm a new member on here and only joined a couple of days ago. I'm sure you will get the support and encouragement you need from other members on this site. I think the key is that we have to reach out and get the support WE need.

Kit Kat

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Andrea. I`m sorry you are having such a difficult time.

Your father sounds in denial. It is probably easier for him to refuse to accept it than to acknowledge it. If your mother is so ill, it must be the last straw for him.

He cannot be forced to take medication, it`s his choice. He is not the only one who will not allow people into the home for purposes of assessment. My husband won`t have anyone here either.

You can only do what is accepted. So if your mother is grateful for your help, I`d leave your father to come to terms with himself and Alzheimers in his own time, and concentrate on your mother and yourself. Your father will ask for help when he`s ready.

Your panic attacks are probably because you are expecting too much of yourself and allowing your family to expect too much from you.

Have you seen your doctor about your own condition? You are under a great deal of stress.

AS for comfort eating, there are so many of us guilty of it, we have started our own TP Slimming Club. If you would like to join you will be made very welcome. There are no rules, we do what we can to eat healthily and support each other. We also have a bit of fun, which we all need when things get on top of us.
Have a look at this link and see what you think.
I hope you will get a lot of support from TP. You really sound as though you need it.

Take care xx


Registered User
Feb 13, 2008
Thank You

Thanks to you both for replying - I still can't believe that I put my thoughts down into words, this is really not me, because I usually keep everything close to my chest!!
I have seen my GP and she is extremely understanding and indeed through her I have just started to see a Counsellor who is helping me with managing my stress. I can't quite believe it but relaxation CD's really do help but not all of the time. I am also seeing a Counsellor to get my eating back on track, so watch this space!!
I shall visit the slimming club site, as putting down my weight may be a good tool at the moment.
Once again thank you both for your lovely replies.