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Shadowoman

Registered User
Nov 14, 2014
1
Hello all,
It's got to the point where I feel I need some support and advice from other people who are having to deal with relatives with dementia.
My dad is 83 and has Lewy bodies dementia, he was diagnosed a couple of years ago, he has always suffered from anxiety and nerves all his life and been on medication for it, which i have been led to believe often leads to dementia later on in life.
He lives on his own ( my beautiful mum died 13 years ago) but has a carer come in twice a day and my two brothers take it in turns to go every evening o cook his tea- I unfortunately live too at away to physically help, but dad has relied on me constantly since mum passed away, and I can get upto 10+ phone calls day or night, and he will only except things if I have said it will be ok. As time goes on he is getting more and more tearful and fretful saying his body physically hurts and thinks something dreadful is going to happen, and wants me to make things better :0( I seem to spend all my time trying to console him or trying to think of ways I can help him cope - to no avail it seems. We don't want dad to go into a home he is financially stable enough to pay for carers to go to his house, but have a feeling this is not going to be enough as time goes on.
Any advice on how you cope and retain your own sanity whilst dealing with someone who is constantly in a state of anxiousness and confusion with life would be gratefully appreciated.
Many thanks x
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Hello and welcome to Talking Point.

I do feel for you and the problems that dementia gives you. Its great that your Dad has carers and your brother to support him. BUT as the dementia progresses this may not be enough. Not an easy thought for you I know.

Whilst I myself would have loved to care for my husband at home until the end, this was just not possible. He did go into a great Nursing Home and I believe he had a reasonable quality of life there. Because they could cope with him for 24 hours whereas it was breaking me up.
This preamble is to say please do not be put off at the thought your Dad may need nursing/residential care. It can be a lifesaver for both the sufferer and their carers.

A way of experimenting with this is to arrange a short respite stay at a local care home, preferably one you rate highly. You can explain to your Dad that this is a short holiday for him (white lies acceptable in dementia).

I am sure others will be here to support you. Whilst you have posted in the Welcome area which is great, why not post in the main Forum. This would be the best place for you:
http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forumdisplay.php?70-I-care-for-a-person-with-dementia
 

Solihull

Registered User
Oct 2, 2014
97
West Midlands
Shadowoman, I agree with BeckyJan. Carehomes are not the end of the world. My mom has now settled in hers and has lovely carers. She is well fed, clean and generally does what she did at home ie sleeps, eats (well she stopped eating at home), has a chat and then sleeps again. She has no worries and I feel so much better although like yourself at first I could not imagine this. Sue X