New member - Lovely day

[Lovely day]

Lovely day

Your in my thoughts lovely day, always here for you.xx

Yous have been very good for me, made me understand truths about the end, I thought I was allowing mum to be starved of food and water to hasten the process, but she could not have processed the food if she wasn't swallowing it,only tiny bits now and then, they thought I didn't understand about her dying but if there's any hope you panic about not doing it right. I had many a fight with staff about mums care over the years, the hardest thing has been my daughters indifference, she would barely look at the pictures of nana and her, she thinks I was not a caring mother and nana was "crazy for years", the elder at our local place of worship said it was bullying, he said I was a good mum who gave the best that I could afoard and nana was a good gran, when I looked at the videos and the photos, it's nothing more than great care and love from us both, my cousin and I were there for her passing, she passed just before 11am this morning we took her hand and my we dog was by her side, we were holding her hand xxx

 

[Lovely day]

Lovely day

Please please get help Lovely Day, you sound as if you really need it. Sending you a big hug.

Hi there, mum passed before 11am, my cousin Elizabeth my dog Jewel and I were by her side holding her hand, it's been 7nd half years I've been fighting with care home about different aspects of her care, it's been a long long emotionally draining time as only me visited during the last five years, daughter did not visit for over a year and said I was crazy and so was nana and I wasn't a loving mother, but when I look at old videos and photographs all I could see was love and devotion and a very good and priviledged life they had.holidays, piano lessons , horse each and they did show jumping, dance classes, the best of clothes, all from me and nana, nana also provided money to keep the roof over her head, because of mum being so I'll and her attitude, I lost about 3 stone in weight, but I am going to try to put her bitterness behind me knowing that we were very good to them, she did not visit, and when she came she would not go near her, take her hand, I have a lovely video I made of her sitting on grants knee reading a book and in the background the song" there's no one quite like grandma, she seems to want the cheepest things for nana, I'm going to buy her a new outfit, yellow, it was her favourite colour, and yellow roses, I hope I don't end up in a care home as I would not be visited or checked on like I made sure nana was alright thru the years X X X x

 

[Chemmy]

Hello Lovely Day

So sorry to hear your news. It's lovely that your mum had you all with her at the end. That isn't always possible.

It's always a shock when the end suddenly comes but please take some comfort from the fact that your dear mum is now at peace. I hope you are managing to get some sleep yourself. You sound exhausted, both physically and emotionally.

The next few days are likely to be a bit strange. Sometimes everything will seem fine, sometimes all you may want to do is cry. Do whatever feels natural: you are grieving and there's no right or wrong way. It's all perfectly normal.

This is probably not the best time to question things with your daughter when everyone's emotions are running high. Concentrate on what needs to be done to give your mum the send off she would want and take things from there.

Thinking of you and wishing you strength.

C x

 

[Izzy]

Good morning Lovely Day. I'm sorry to hear of your mum's passing but I'm glad she is at peace now. Wishing you strength for the days to come.

 

[jaymor]

So sorry to hear your sad news Lovely Day. Please accept my condolences, my thoughts are with you.

My lovely husband passed away 5 weeks ago and it is not easy, take care.

 

[truth24]

Many condolences, lovelyday. Good that you have such lovely memories of your mum.

 

[Cat27]

I'm so sorry about your mum. My thoughts are with you.

 

[jorgieporgie]

Oh Lovely day so sorry for you. Blessings your Mum is at peace now. I can not imagine how you feel but hope the coming days will bring you strength. We always think that we can not cope at this sad time but always seem too. Mum will send her love and strength for you and your not alone look how your cousin was right beside you when you needed her. Keep talking and I will always be listening. God Bless xxx

 

[Shedrech]

morning Lovely day
you saw your mum away, your cousin and you and jewel, with kindness and love - I hope she was much comforted to feel your presence
and I hope you find comfort in having held her hand and all the warm memories of the times you shared, it's good that you have such lovely images of her in your mind
my guess is that your daughter is hurting, in her own way; we all deal with change and loss so differently and she has been losing her nana for quite some time
Chemmy is right, though, keep in now - and the yellow dress and roses sound beautiful
be good to yourself

 

[Margaret79]

So sorry to read your news Lovely day but glad you were there at the end.

Hold your head up high you did wonderful things for your Mum and I'm sure she's very proud of you wherever she is now.

Wishing you strength for the days to come.

 

[canary]

Im sorry for your loss Lovely Day, but glad that everyone was there at the end

Your emotions are bound to be all over the place now and please dont feel guilty if theres a bit of relief mixed in.
xx

 

[Louby65]

My condolences to you lovely day. Being with someone as they slip away is difficult. When it's your mum , it is heart wrenching . But a mother and daughter bond is never broken , even in death . By reading your posts I can tell that you loved and cared for your mum very much . You got her through this journey with dignity and care and for that you should be proud of yourself , as I'm sure your mum would have been . Please take care of yourself in the days and weeks to come . If you feel up to it , keep posting and we will be there listening and giving you support . Best wishes . Lou X

 

[Gwendy1]

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mum. I know how hard it is. Your love for your mum shines thru in your posts. Wishing you strength and peace. X

 

[Lovely day]

Lovely day

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mum. I know how hard it is. Your love for your mum shines thru in your posts. Wishing you strength and peace. X

Thanks, got my mums final outfit today, a nice yellow top and yellow guardian and a skirt which was blue black and white and new black shoes, it's strange but when I was picking the shoes I was thinking, those ones might hurt her, she had bunions, but found nice pair in sale. I thought I was going to pick it with my younger daughter but she went off with her sister so I did it myself and I bought her nice earrings that she would have liked., the funeral parlour was awful, the women said " can't see you, got people in, has Georgie past,I'll send you somewhere else, my cousin said what about first thing on sat morning, no she said I've got viewings, too busy and I'm leaving at 12.00, she done my dads funeral a year and a half ago and all my mums sisters, I was really hurt, and my daughter and cousin said that it was disgraceful, folk ar the front heard everything, at their other place, we were constantly interrupted by phone calls, a mystery shopper who she went out to see and then trying to sell extras, you are in shock, head buzzing and it felt like a cattle market, I was given some sheets advertising various things, like a car boot sale. I'm glad that my cousin and daughter said they were awful, I want yellow roses with gypsy flowers and freesia, the flowers for my dad very very poor the thing was baldy, hardly anything on it and it was £75.00. Anyway someone else will do them and there is tutorials on how to make them on Internet. You could be bled dry , last time I got a parking ticket while arranging dads funeral, that was really awful, I wrote to the. Ounces but they weren't interested....I'll also get her a nice order of service cards as the one I did for dad was beautiful with stories photos and song he liked so that's what I'm doing, the we things I can do will be special, the council have cancelled the organist and there is no music in place, they want to charge £60 for organist, but it would be a cd for mum of her special music and hymns .. Love lovely day

 

[Lovely day]

Lovely day

Im sorry for your loss Lovely Day, but glad that everyone was there at the end

Your emotions are bound to be all over the place now and please dont feel guilty if theres a bit of relief mixed in.
xx

You know there is relief not having to go to that dreadful place again,when mum had to get a care home, my daughters who were just children at the time and I had to check them out ourselves, I had never heard of dementia and nearly fell over, a women in along night dress came over and gave me a doll to watch for her mother, I was in shock that my poor mum was going to be in a place like that, on visiting another one, a we lady saw my youngest and stood up she was shoved back down on chair by the "carer"" I picked one that was recommended by someone who's wife was in, you think, she'll looked after now, not on your life, I fought with them for years about different things by myself and it made me emotionally very unwell as my dad had lost a leg and and I was worried about him, this is a stage when parents are needing care or are not there at all and kids are grown up so they don't want much to do with you, I was never like that with mum, I wanted her company, I'm told it's a different generation and things are done differently, well it's not for the best when you witness no natural affection in your family, my dad used to get really upset when he saw what the dementia had done to her, he lost his leg and then lost his fight with diabetes. It has been horrendous to watch them suffer a long time then see them dying, dads mind was okay and the last thing he said was I love you very much, where as mum was robbed of her mind for years and missed out on so much with the girls, and because of behaviour issues she couldn't be taken anywhere special, just my house, Alzheimer's robbed her of everything she was.. Xx

 

[annnie]

I am so sorry for your loss of your lovely Mum. To be treated with such a lack of compassion by the funeral people really was disgraceful. The love you shared with your Mum is still so evident in the care you are taking with all the arrangements. Being with her right up to the end must have been so reassuring for her and I hope you can take comfort in that.
Thinking of you.