Hello everone, I am new to this forum. My mum has recently been diagnosed with Alzheimers and is starting to show early signs of the disease. I have always had a close relationship with my mum, we have been through a lot together including the break up of her marriage to my dad. Mum and dad have now become friends as both are in their 70's and both lonely people. My dad during their 30 years of marriage was a difficult person, he could be violent when drunk, he controlled my mum's life throughout their marriage so much so that she was never allowed to think for herself. All thats in the past now and mum and dad were meeting up once or twice a week to go out for a meal, or trip somewhere. During that time, they still continued to argue on occasions and of recent they have fallen out again. I think my mum has become paranoid towards my dad and on occasions, can be quite cutting with him, he in turn seems to stir things up. I have tried to explain to my dad that mum's mood swings are related to her problem, but he doesn't seem to understand and now refuses to see her. During a conversation with him where I have tried to persuade him to make friends with her (they both could do with the company) he fell out with me accusing me of always taking mums side. As a consequence, we are not speaking now either!!
I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to find an inner strength in me to deal with this. Sometimes I get very angry with them both and I know that being angry is not going to help. My husband is a great support and helps me with the difficult times. I am recognising that my mum is not the mum I know and love. She is still a very sweet person but I cannot take for granted anything I discuss with her will be understood or remembered. On several occasions she has "turned " on me and I have seen a side of my mum that I have never seen before. When I next speak with her she is back to her sweet self and doesn't remember any previous conversation. She attends a memory clinic every three months and is on medication (I fill her medicine management pack up each week), but I know this is the start of worse things to come. I live about 1.5 hours drive from my mum, I visit her every week and ring her at least once (sometimes twice)a day just to chat and try and stimulate her brain in conversation. She is not a sociable person and won't join a local club. She has a dog which is her lifeline and is always out walking, apparently chatting to regular dog walkers each day. Physically she is very fit. She doesn't read, but I have got her some puzzle books which she seems to enjoy doing.
This weekend was particularly difficult with one thing and another and I have decided to leave my stressful job as I cannot deal with both. I know forums can be a useful source of information and if anyone out there can give me some tips (particularly on how to deal with my own anger and also on convincing mum on something she ought to be doing) I would be very grateful.
Jan W
I have come to the conclusion that I am going to have to find an inner strength in me to deal with this. Sometimes I get very angry with them both and I know that being angry is not going to help. My husband is a great support and helps me with the difficult times. I am recognising that my mum is not the mum I know and love. She is still a very sweet person but I cannot take for granted anything I discuss with her will be understood or remembered. On several occasions she has "turned " on me and I have seen a side of my mum that I have never seen before. When I next speak with her she is back to her sweet self and doesn't remember any previous conversation. She attends a memory clinic every three months and is on medication (I fill her medicine management pack up each week), but I know this is the start of worse things to come. I live about 1.5 hours drive from my mum, I visit her every week and ring her at least once (sometimes twice)a day just to chat and try and stimulate her brain in conversation. She is not a sociable person and won't join a local club. She has a dog which is her lifeline and is always out walking, apparently chatting to regular dog walkers each day. Physically she is very fit. She doesn't read, but I have got her some puzzle books which she seems to enjoy doing.
This weekend was particularly difficult with one thing and another and I have decided to leave my stressful job as I cannot deal with both. I know forums can be a useful source of information and if anyone out there can give me some tips (particularly on how to deal with my own anger and also on convincing mum on something she ought to be doing) I would be very grateful.
Jan W