New here mum up at night dad exhausted advice please

[Downham]

Hi I'm new to this not even sure I'm doing it correctly .
My mum is 68 had dementia for about 4 years .She seems to have got a lot worse these last 6 months .She can't be left alone .mood changes a lot can be happy jokey one minute ,crying next .
Her speech is muddled and doesn't have a conversation anymore .She can eat herself but my dad or I cook and clean etc .She refuses to bath and dad has a battle every day to get her dressed . In the evening she suffers from sundowning and dad usually ends up walking round the block once ,twice sometimes more ( looking for her home , her mum etc) She comes back exhausted but will not rest .She sleeps ok eventually.
I help dad as much as I can ,spending a couple hours a day either with dad or I take mum to give dad a rest .Hes exhausted and always asks me what he can do , he gets so upset especially when my mum cries and is frightened,or battles with him etc .
Does all this seem familiar.I suppose I just want someone to say this is what happens .When mum is so so exhausted but won't stop what can we do ? When dad wants to sleep and mum is up and down trying to leave the house at 1 in the morning ?Any advice will be greatly appreciated Thankyou

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to TP, @Downham. I'm sorry your mum's condition is so hard for you and for your dad as well as for your mum. Would your mum accept help with bathing from outside carers ? When my OH was not using the shower or washing too well Social Services set up a care agency for her. Others have suggested their relatives find it easier to co-operate (I hope that's the right word) with people in uniform. For that and maybe a befriending service which would give your dad some time to himself you should ask for a care needs assessment and a carers assessment if your mum and dad have not already had those from Social Services.
You will get plenty of support here from others who will have more experience of wandering, a previous neighbour did so regularly due to dementia, but I have never actually ha to deal with it. You are certainly never alone on here.

 

[kindred]

Hi I'm new to this not even sure I'm doing it correctly .
My mum is 68 had dementia for about 4 years .She seems to have got a lot worse these last 6 months .She can't be left alone .mood changes a lot can be happy jokey one minute ,crying next .
Her speech is muddled and doesn't have a conversation anymore .She can eat herself but my dad or I cook and clean etc .She refuses to bath and dad has a battle every day to get her dressed . In the evening she suffers from sundowning and dad usually ends up walking round the block once ,twice sometimes more ( looking for her home , her mum etc) She comes back exhausted but will not rest .She sleeps ok eventually.
I help dad as much as I can ,spending a couple hours a day either with dad or I take mum to give dad a rest .Hes exhausted and always asks me what he can do , he gets so upset especially when my mum cries and is frightened,or battles with him etc .
Does all this seem familiar.I suppose I just want someone to say this is what happens .When mum is so so exhausted but won't stop what can we do ? When dad wants to sleep and mum is up and down trying to leave the house at 1 in the morning ?Any advice will be greatly appreciated Thankyou

Welcome! You will find so many experienced friends here. Yes, this sounds like pretty typical dementia behaviour. My husband is now in nursing home (see my thread: please don't throw me away in I have a partner with dementia. And I am there a lot of the week with him and see this sundowning. Some residents wander all night, I gather. Your poor dad and you need more support.
As for the wandering round the block, where I live if we hear the police helicopter out, it's often looking for people with dementia who have gone off on a wander! I know how hard this is.
Please keep writing these symptoms down and be in touch with the GP to see if he or she can help at all.
with warmest wishes, good to hear from you, Kindred.

 

[marionq]

The crying and restlessness might be helped by an anti depressant like Trazodone. It was a great help to my husband in calming him down and allowing me to keep him at home. He has had Alzheimer's for six/seven years and the first half involved day and night wandering but the last three have been much calmer.

 

[Downham]

Welcome to TP, @Downham. I'm sorry your mum's condition is so hard for you and for your dad as well as for your mum. Would your mum accept help with bathing from outside carers ? When my OH was not using the shower or washing too well Social Services set up a care agency for her. Others have suggested their relatives find it easier to co-operate (I hope that's the right word) with people in uniform. For that and maybe a befriending service which would give your dad some time to himself you should ask for a care needs assessment and a carers assessment if your mum and dad have not already had those from Social Services.
You will get plenty of support here from others who will have more experience of wandering, a previous neighbour did so regularly due to dementia, but I have never actually ha to deal with it. You are certainly never alone on here.

 

[Downham]

Thankyou I must say it does help knowing we are not alone . We havnt any outside help at the moment ,we are all in Spain at the moment,I live here and mum and dad are here for 6 months .Its good for them now as I can give them a lot of help ,also warm for the night wondering and cheap for dad keep taking my mum out for extra company etc as she is at her best people watching .
I know they will have to go home at some point .If this happens I will have to consider going back myself but I'm just taking it all day by day .

 

[Downham]

The crying and restlessness might be helped by an anti depressant like Trazodone. It was a great help to my husband in calming him down and allowing me to keep him at home. He has had Alzheimer's for six/seven years and the first half involved day and night wandering but the last three have been much calmer.

 

[Downham]

Thankyou ,my mum is on 60 mg of florentine .Im not sure if she needs to go onto 80 ? The thing is I think sometimes it's when she's a little bit more aware ,and that's why she gets more tearful and frustrated at times.Its so so horrible.

 

[Downham]

Welcome! You will find so many experienced friends here. Yes, this sounds like pretty typical dementia behaviour. My husband is now in nursing home (see my thread: please don't throw me away in I have a partner with dementia. And I am there a lot of the week with him and see this sundowning. Some residents wander all night, I gather. Your poor dad and you need more support.
As for the wandering round the block, where I live if we hear the police helicopter out, it's often looking for people with dementia who have gone off on a wander! I know how hard this is.
Please keep writing these symptoms down and be in touch with the GP to see if he or she can help at all.
with warmest wishes, good to hear from you, Kindred.

 

[Downham]

Thankyou all for your kind words .I can tell this forum was the right thing to do