Hi there I hope everyone is okay. When I last posted about my Mother it was about social care/GP going to visit Mum, who has un - diagnosed dementia, this was about a month ago, after I found Mum wandering around, dazed and confused one Sunday morning. She lives on her own, 94 and refused care. I have not heard back from Mum's GP/social care and I have not seem mum for over a month, since I am working very long hours but, I do live next door and so able to see lights go on and off so it's a clue that Mum is functioning. I have not spoken to my brother for some while so it's all gone quiet. I have three grown up children and only one lives nearby - aged 26. My daughter is very, very fragile, coping with depression and a reliance on alcohol. I see her as much as I can, even more now that she's given up her job to go back to Uni. My daughter has met a lovely man and I am pleased to say that, at last, my daughter seems happy. She sees a therapist weekly. As I hadn't seen Mum or my daughter for a while due to my work, I decided to invite them both for dinner, I now wish I hadn't. Mum has met my daughter's new boyfriend and, the first thing he said to her was that he didn't know that my mum had dementia, which shocked my daughter. I have been saying for years that this is what her grandmother has but no-one seems to believe me in my family. My daughter visited my mum and was gone for ages and dinner was ruined. I wandered around to mum's house (bearing in mind that I'd not seen mum since social care had visited) and she was very hostile towards me when she saw me. The scene that greeted me was normal to me but, to an outsider - bizarre. Both of them were running around like mad people trying to find mum's handbag (the one lost a month ago when Mum was wandering). I suggested that we go back home to mine to have dinner and look for the handbag later...a diversionary tactic I use a lot now. Dinner was okay and we had a nice time and my daughter decided to take mum back to her home. Again, they were gone for ages so I wander around (after clearing up) and again, both them ransacking the house for the handbag...mum in the garage at 11 pm going through bin bags and my daughter going through the house, getting more fraught and unstable... My daughter said to me that it was awful that her grandmother had food rotting in the fridge from April, that there were cobwebs every where and rubbish piled up the kitchen and garage. She demanded to know who was looking after her grandmother? Then my mum starting crying saying that she didn't want to go into a'home', that she was frightened, that she had no money..... My daughter picked up two ten pound notes that my brother had sent to mum with disgust. Mum saying she didn't know where her cheque book was. It was awful. I tried to placate my daughter and my mother by saying that mum wasn't going anywhere and that we wanted her to stay her home but with help...my daughter kept interjecting trying to stop my mum crying. I tried to explain to my mum that I work long hours and cannot be around to help her which she just could not accept. I told her that I work weekends, evenings until 10 pm and usually just go straight to bed as I am exhausted. Mum said that I could go around to help when I got in at work at 10 pm.. The problem is that my brother and me have been running things between us and have agreed that mum should not have a new cheque book or credit cards because mum had paid £150.00 to a man to do a bit of gardening. Now my daughter is disgusted with me and thinks I am to blame to neglecting my mum. We left mum and went back to mine where my daughter started laying into me telling me that I should look after her grandmother, that it's not right that I go out to work running my business and that I should do more to help her. It's easier for me as I live next door I was told. I tried to point out that I'd helped her grandmother for over years but had come to the end of my tether. My daughter told me that the a woman came to see Mum a few weeks ago and Mum told this poor woman to 'p++s off' which my daughter thought was funny, I can't say I saw the funny side of it. My daughter has now promised my mum that she will call in three times a week to help her. My daughter doesn't drive, doesn't have a car, doesn't work and would have to get two buses to get to her grandmother's house. Apparently this is all my fault because everyone thinks it's my role to look out for my elderly parent just because I live the closest. My parent has refused care, in middle stages of dementia, vulnerable. I feel this is not fair on my daughter who, at 26 is now building her future by going to University. She has a new relationship and the world at her feet. She is now talking about not going to University and spending time with her grandmother to help her and no-one else is doing anything. My daughter put's the blame squarely on my shoulders and is very angry with me. I know that I have no say about my mother and my daughter's decisions but it seems I have no say about my decisions to want to work to earn money to make my life better. To an outsider it does look awful that a frail old lady has been left, apparently neglected, frail, lonely. It is very sad but, at the end of the day, it is my mother's decision. My brother and I have sadly and reluctantly accepted this and are now just waiting for the crisis.... I just hope my daughter takes this great opportunity to make her life better and not let her selfish grandmother use her life up because my mum just wants her own way.