New Boy

[davenlizthegirl]

I am new to TP. Not at all sure I should be saying hello here as am finding it difficult to find my way around, My wife(71) has alzheimers. The signs were there 15years ago and she has been on medication for 2. Things are getting worse at an increasing rate. Now thinking there are other people in the house. Disorientated, not thinking this is our house. Does nothing in the house, except pottering around moving things around and packing her favourite things into numerous small bags ready to "take back" to (she usually says) the town where she was brought up and where her brother still lives and the place she always used to say has bad memories for her. These bags now fully cover the floor in a spare bedroom and are added to most days. Quite often does not see me as her husband. One question I have is would travelling long distance make the disorientation worse? We have a daughter in living abroad and I fear that we have now made our last visit. Any other comments concerning our present situation would also be most welcome. I look forward to using the excellent TP forums more. Hello to everyone out there.

 

[Noorza]

I am new to TP. Not at all sure I should be saying hello here as am finding it difficult to find my way around, My wife(71) has alzheimers. The signs were there 15years ago and she has been on medication for 2. Things are getting worse at an increasing rate. Now thinking there are other people in the house. Disorientated, not thinking this is our house. Does nothing in the house, except pottering around moving things around and packing her favourite things into numerous small bags ready to "take back" to (she usually says) the town where she was brought up and where her brother still lives and the place she always used to say has bad memories for her. These bags now fully cover the floor in a spare bedroom and are added to most days. Quite often does not see me as her husband. One question I have is would travelling long distance make the disorientation worse? We have a daughter in Vermont USA and I fear that we have now made our last visit. Any other comments concerning our present situation would also be most welcome. I look forward to using the excellent TP forums more. Hello to everyone out there.

I am going to relate this to my son's condition when travelling who has autism. He did get very scared as another country, he was scared of them not speaking the same language, he panicked about the flight in the airport as the noises and sounds were overwhelming for him. He had the most fantastic holiday, he loved every minute of it and wanted to stay for longer. We went anyway, faced his fears as best we could and for us it worked. I fully accept autism is nothing like dementia but it's the closest I could get.

Many people using TP have some brilliant holidays and share their stories of all of the new memories they've created. You have the advantage that your daughter will be there to help with your mum.

I'd talk it through with her GP or specialist as they are the ones who will know best what your wife can cope with.

 

[Raffles]

Its good just to get it off your chest

I am new to TP. Not at all sure I should be saying hello here as am finding it difficult to find my way around, My wife(71) has alzheimers. The signs were there 15years ago and she has been on medication for 2. Things are getting worse at an increasing rate. Now thinking there are other people in the house. Disorientated, not thinking this is our house. Does nothing in the house, except pottering around moving things around and packing her favourite things into numerous small bags ready to "take back" to (she usually says) the town where she was brought up and where her brother still lives and the place she always used to say has bad memories for her. These bags now fully cover the floor in a spare bedroom and are added to most days. Quite often does not see me as her husband. One question I have is would travelling long distance make the disorientation worse? We have a daughter in living abroad and I fear that we have now made our last visit. Any other comments concerning our present situation would also be most welcome. I look forward to using the excellent TP forums more. Hello to everyone out there.

Hi, So pleased you have found talking point, I have found it a Godsend, somewhere just to put my feelings down and realize I am not alone. I hope you will find these benefits here to. My husband is 84 as was diagnosed with Alzheimer's in 2007, the horrible part of this illness is we know there is no cure, but we are all here to support each other. What help do you get and what drugs are they giving your wife to help her?
Thinking of you and hoping your problems are not proving too much for you.
Raffles

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hello and welcome from me too.

I have no experience of this but just wanted to say that you won't know unless you try, as everyone is different. There are people on here who still enjoy their holidays despite having to deal with dementia in one way or another, but there are also people for whom, sadly, it just doesn't work any more.

Another alternative - could you arrange for your wife to go into a care home for a period of respite while you visit your daughter alone? I know this is an awful shame, but at least one of you still gets to see your daughter.

Speaking as a daughter who feels that she has lost both parents to this disease even though only one of them is an actual sufferer, I know how much seeing you would mean to your daughter.

Good luck whatever you decide to do, and do keep posting as you will get lots of support here.

 

[1954]

Hello and welcome from me as well

My hubby and I took my MIL who lives with us, on holiday in the UK last June. It was only a few nights but it was awful. She was disorientated, more confused. The whole experience was a nightmare. I would never do it again but that's just from my experience

 

[Grannie G]

Hello davenlizthegirl

Your wife`s behaviour are almost identical to my husband`s a few years ago. He too was at this stage;

Now thinking there are other people in the house. Disorientated, not thinking this is our house. Does nothing in the house, except pottering around moving things around and packing her favourite things into numerous small bags ready to "take back" to (she usually says) the town where she was brought up

When my husband went to sleep I unpacked all his bags and replaced the clothes in the wardrobes and drawers and his `keepsakes` where they were usually kept. By the morning he had forgotten he had packed stuff, so there was no trouble. And then when he started again, when he was sundowning, late afternoon/early evening, there were`t so many bags to empty.

We last travelled in 2007 and it was hard going. The biggest problem was using public toilets, especially at airports. It was fine while I waited outside for him, but when he was supposed to wait outside for me, he decided to find where our departure gate was and could`t find his way back. I would think very carefully about taking your wife anywhere where you may not be `glued` together side by side.

 

[MReader]

Hi & welcome
My husband is at a similar stage to your wife so I understand unfortunately how exhausting mentally & physically it is as well as upsetting - for us (the carers) not for them (the sufferers)
My son also lives abroad - Australia - and we have been to stay with him for the last 3 winters but will not go again.
The last time I found the travelling exhausting (even though we went business class & could sleep on flat beds most of the way) as my husband had no idea what was happening & got very agitated - which then rubbed off on me.
When we got to my sons house (where he had been several times before) my husband was very disorientated and confused and I felt this was nor very fair on my son. (2nd marriage so not my husband's father) None of us really enjoyed the visit.
Also the insurance is very expensive if you declare all medical details.
I have decided that we will not go away again as it is too much for both of us & consequently a waste of money.
Maybe try a few days away in England & see how you get on.
I am seriously thinking of respite care for my husband next year so I can visit my son again and have spoken to & visited several care homes who have put my mind at rest about this decision & the associated guilt.
So I have decided that my husband will have a few shortish stays in respite care until I feel brave enough to leave him so I can visit my son again.

 

[LadyA]

Hi, and welcome.

Do keep in touch with your wife's doctors about the deterioration in her condition.

I last took my husband away for one night to a hotel for his 80th birthday - 2 1/2 years ago now. It was a disaster. He was suffering from extreme paranoia & hallucinations/delusions at the time, and although he was on medication, the dose hadn't been settled. I ended up having to phone the CPN to have her persuade him to come out of the hotel room to come home! And he never slept all night, running from one window to another to check outside. We haven't gone anywhere since, except our local town. Could your daughter come visit you? It would of course be a solution, as others have said, to think about respite care for your wife, and for you to go on your own - which would give you a rest too. But I'm just thinking about your daughter seeing her mum. My husband has adult children abroad, some of whom haven't seen him in about ten years. They say they "don't want to see him like this." But it isn't like there will come a time when he will be better, and I think they will regret it when he's gone.

 

[davenlizthegirl]

Thanks

Thanks for all the replies (you too sue38). All helpful to this New Boy. Am checking with the docs re 7 hour flights. My main concern now I think is whether this will cause disorientation to take a step change for the worse when we return. On another tack, has anyone any good experience of how best to react to hallucinations, say thinking there are other people in the house and sometimes seeing them. But again, many thanks!

 

[sue38]

My sister lives a 4 hour flight away in Athens and my avatar is a picture of me and my dad (after diagnosis but well into the dementia journey) taken on trip to see her. It wasn't without some anxiety but a bit of forward planning can help to avoid some of the stresses.

This factsheet on Travelling and going on holiday has some good tips.