Hi I am new, but have been reading for many months. My Mother is 85 and dementia started 5 years ago with a phone call to me to tell me something which she had called me about 5 minutes previously. For 2 years I have been there 3 times per day, 4 times actually since early this year. I live only a mile away, do not work (well, I gave up work to look after Mum), I have a 10 year old son and a very patient husband. I finally caved in and pleaded for help from Social Services. That was not easy to implement - a very tearful phone call to our doctor moved the process on slightly. The carers started 4 days ago and I am struggling. My Mum's routine is all out of sync. My routine is shot to bits. I truly have taken a step back but am still visiting 10 minutes after carers have left - I have to - Mum is all non-dementia when the carers are there. Stupidly, today, I fitted a new riser/recliner chair in her bedroom because most days she really cannot manage to her stairlift to get downstairs. Mum can hardly walk at all (very bad joints and overweight). I had to move furniture around a little in order that she could watch TV. She thought she was 'somewhere else' anyway but now I have made matters worse. Mum has forgotten her eldest child. This is my sister who has suffered from mental illness since she was 20 (now 58) and never left the house (same house as Mum) - I provide for her too but no need for personal care as yet. Mum has no recollection of her and refers to her as "that woman upstairs". Incontinence is fairly new. I have been using pads for 2 months. Trouble is, Mum takes all of the pads out of the packet and strips off the sticky strip. I moved them, of course. She also rips packs of the nappy sacks wide open. If I leave a box of tissues, she tears them all up. She is nodding away to the carers, telling them she is fine. I have been there 6 times today and dreading a call at 4am. Carer left at 6.30pm and I called at 7.00pm - she was still in the new chair and didn't know where her bed was. Honestly, it was just 'over a bit' - 6 inches I moved it. I immediately jumped in the car - she was soaked through. Soaking pad on the floor, soaking nightdress and pants. She is so immobile that it takes all of my might to get her dry and changed. It took a good 10 minutes to move her from the chair to her bed (less than a metre). This evening I said to my husband "it is time now". I have tears rolling down my face now. It is time for a care home now isn't it? She is not self funding. How do I even start the process? The Social department already don't like me because I involved the doctor and, truthfully, I did go a bit nuts on the phone with "duty of care" and "personalisation" emphasis to hurry it up - I was sinking at that moment. I understand that I need to give the carers a chance without my presence but the deterioration in Mum in the past month (before carers but after, so called, assessment) is shocking. All I do, my raison d'etre, is assure, reassure, repeat myself, repeat some more, bed bath, clean up **** (sorry, but I do some days), scrub urine from carpets (any tips?), weight bear, rub cream in, struggle with tubular bandages, dust, wash clothes, hang clothes and worry incessantly. Any advice, at all, would be so helpful. Thank you. K.