Needing Help!!!!!!


Registered User
Mar 3, 2007
When we thought our problems with dad were getting bad, everything just got worse! Mum is now in hospital,not sure what's wrong yet. My dad can't be left so my sister and i are doing 24/7 care with an unwilling father! Learning fast about 'sundowning', evening visiting is a nightmare. After his GP visit his MMSE score was 14 :( and we are now waiting for a hospital refferal. My question is, can we get or try to get any help from anywhere for now or when mum comes home. We are both finding it all so hard to cope with and are lucky to have understanding kids and husbands! It's not the care but the overwhelming patience needed for this illness and even after all that sometimes you still can't get anything right..... sorry i'm going on now but i know you all understand where i'm coming from and that is a real help.
Oh, my car got broken into last night on the hospital car park, just for good measure.


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
I'm sorry to hear that your mum is ill and hope it turns out to be nothing serious. If you have not had any prior contact with Social Services then it would probably be a good idea to contact them on Monday and explain the situation to them. They should be able to arrange to carry out an assessment of your dad's needs and discuss with you what help may be available. I am sure you will also get lots of helpful advice on here.

Sorry to hear about your car also. It never rains but it pours, I guess!


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Jane,
I`m so sorry things have taken a turn for the worse. I hope your mother will be Ok and home soon.

Even then, she`ll certainly need help with your dad and I`m sure Social services will do an emergency assessment for your father. I would do as Brenda suggested and contact them first thing on Monday.

At least if Social Services offer help, you can tell your father it`s for your mother, rather than for him. This way, it might enable him to accept help without losing face.

Please let us know if you do get help and the type of help that`s offered. This information will help others who find themselves in similar situations in the future.

Hope you get what you need. With love


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I agree also about phoning duty social services for the elderly.

Why not phone them this weekend ? you could always ask for the emergency duty social worker , tell them all your issue worries and could they do a emergency referral for respite , tell them what you told us and your commitments to your own family and how your mother will not be able to care for your father for a while when she gets out of hospital , if you could just talk to them this weekend they could pass it on to the social worker on Monday , just see what they say

If you can’t get hold of them do it on Monday, do know the number for your local elderly social workers?

In my area they do have an emergency duty social worker on the weekend


Registered User
Jul 10, 2006
south lanarkshire
Hi Jane1

Yes there should be a duty social worker, for emergency over the weekend.
Even if you don't think it is an emergency, make like it is. That way you will be able to get the help you want for your parents, quicker.

Hope it is not serious with your Mum, but I think (only my opinion) that a lot of help, would be beneficial.



Registered User
Aug 10, 2006

Make sure that you do contact Social Services. I had to do this with my Mum when she could no longer prepare food for herself. They were marvellous and the carers were lovely. If they seem to be slow on the uptake, keep nagging I know that money/resources are thin on the ground, but that is what they are there for!

Good luck with everything



Registered User
Mar 3, 2007

Hello all, well mum was in hospital for 8 days and came home on wednesday. In that time my sister and I split care of dad between us, visited mum and carried on with our own families and jobs. At times, a trying rollercoaster but i think it's not even near what we have to face! We have come face to face with dad's condition and how utterly draining this illness is for all those around.
We now have the GP's involved with them both as mum still isn't out of the woods. We have an outpatients appt. for her on Thursday. Dad's referral to the hospital which i thought was done 3 weeks ago, wasn't! GP messed up so is doing it 1st thing Monday. Social services were very helpful and want to do an emergency assessment this week, we'll see if it happens!The simple fact is that she can't look after him and he can't look after her. We as their loving offspring are simply doing whatever we can XX