I'm still trying to calm down after visiting my mum (who has Alzheimer's) on Saturday. She has had a live-in carer for the past nine months but now that she is incontinent most of them are struggling with her behaviour, and usually need help to get pants off or on, or to wash her. I had to follow her around the house for a while to get the incontinence pants back on, and at one point she tried to hit me. Often the only way to get her to do things is to constantly baby her, put your arms round her and rock her, and after doing that I want to scream. I was tense by the time I got home on Saturday and felt worse and worse all through Sunday, culminating in a massive snotty crying fit after tea. I'm a bit better today - I had a stiff drink to stop me crying and a friend came round for the evening - but I still feel like my stomach is jumping up and down and I'm struggling to concentrate on work (I work from home). I can't think of anything to help me feel calmer and clear my mind other than going to the GP and demanding anti-depressants, and I'd rather not do that. I am my mother's eldest child; she has a live-in carer and my sister and one of my brothers visit every day. I go up there roughly every 2-3 weeks. I used to go more often and do the veg garden (mum was always a keen gardener) but I've found it increasingly difficult to cope with her behaviour over the last six months or so. I stay calm whilst I'm with her but then go home, feel dreadful and angry, and often can't speak to my husband for several days. He's not great with emotional stuff, and at present he's really dismissive and annoyed by my feelings, partly I think because he's stressed himself about other stuff and I don't have any energy for him. I think mum needs to go into a home because most of the carers we get can't manage her behaviour around the incontinence very well, but my brother and sister want to keep her at home. I feel desperate. I hate feeling like this but I don't know how to make myself feel any better. I go out for a walk with my dogs a couple of times a day but after weekends like this I can't get my brain to stop whirling, and I often stuff my face with food and then feel sick on top of that.