Need some advice
- Thread starter Andy1014
- Start date
Hello Andy. There are folks here at all stages of dementia caring. Please ask whatever you want and there’s a good chance someone here has been roughly where you are and might be able to advise There’s also lots of info already in the forum discussions which might help as well.
As someone else has said elsewhere - sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, but you’re very welcome.
As someone else has said elsewhere - sorry we had to meet under these circumstances, but you’re very welcome.
We are having real problems finding things to keep her occupied. She seems to have lost interest in the tv and any activities she used to enjoy such as puzzle books, gardening and household chores. She just spends all her time sat at table doing nothing. I just wanted to ask if anyone else had similar situation and had any ideas of things we could do to provide some stimulation for her.
We are having real problems finding things to keep her occupied. She seems to have lost interest in the tv and any activities she used to enjoy such as puzzle books, gardening and household chores. She just spends all her time sat at table doing nothing. I just wanted to ask if anyone else had similar situation and had any ideas of things we could do to provide some stimulation for her
hi Kevinl:
Sadly there comes a point where mental stimulation isn’t really of any value. If your Mum is content to sit quietly as you describe and she seems comfortable and as happy as her condition allows, to be honest that would sound like a good day to many carers. It’s not like providing stimulation to a child who needs occupying to develop their brain and thought processes. Dementia can’t be fought off like that.
As you’ve observed, it gradually strips away the skills needed to engage with activities. Many people with dementia also lose their sense of time passing. So whilst your Mum sits still all day and does nothing, which would be intolerable to most of us, to her the day might have passed in the blink of an eye.
If you think she needs something to do with her hands, you could maybe try something like a fidget blanket, which is a cloth covered in bits and pieces which she could fidget with - buttons, zips, ribbons, different textured surfaces and the like.
Also music might be a good route. Apparently the centres of the brain which process music aren’t touched by dementia. Try playing some of her favourite songs and see if that brightens her a little. Even familiar hymns she’d remember from school assemblies might be good.
As you’ve observed, it gradually strips away the skills needed to engage with activities. Many people with dementia also lose their sense of time passing. So whilst your Mum sits still all day and does nothing, which would be intolerable to most of us, to her the day might have passed in the blink of an eye.
If you think she needs something to do with her hands, you could maybe try something like a fidget blanket, which is a cloth covered in bits and pieces which she could fidget with - buttons, zips, ribbons, different textured surfaces and the like.
Also music might be a good route. Apparently the centres of the brain which process music aren’t touched by dementia. Try playing some of her favourite songs and see if that brightens her a little. Even familiar hymns she’d remember from school assemblies might be good.
Thanks we really need help as we currently don’t have any support social services have been worse than useless we feel we have just been abandoned to deal with the diagnosis.
That’s the problem she isn’t happy to just sit she gets very emotional because she can’t find things to do but when you ask what she would like to do she doesn’t know. It is heartbreaking to see her like that and she does enjoy music and loves to listen to the radio which is on constantly. She gets so worked up by having nothing to do but rejects every suggestion about what she can do. She is not quite as bad if we are there but always asks when we leave what can I do now. The condition is developing so quickly it’s frightening last week she could use the telephone to ring us this week she doesn’t know how to make or answer a call.
Folding washing or pairing up socks has been known to work.
Colouring books are popular.
Sorting buttons or things into sizes?
Colouring books are popular.
Sorting buttons or things into sizes?
So I'm making dinner and just for clarfication this was an eating issue too.
"Can you get me a plate" despite having refused to eat she brought 2 plates, same with the cutlery my knife and fork turned out to be two of each and we both eat.
Sometimes apparent exclusion by a carer can be a way to inclusion for the person you care for, if I seemed to be doing it just for me she wanted in, I went to hospital, but the appointment was hers, not mine so she went with me rather than me taking her for an appointment, made her involved helping me, not me helping her. K
"Can you get me a plate" despite having refused to eat she brought 2 plates, same with the cutlery my knife and fork turned out to be two of each and we both eat.
Sometimes apparent exclusion by a carer can be a way to inclusion for the person you care for, if I seemed to be doing it just for me she wanted in, I went to hospital, but the appointment was hers, not mine so she went with me rather than me taking her for an appointment, made her involved helping me, not me helping her. K
Yes she lives alone we have installed cameras throughout the house so we can keep an eye on her.
That is really clever way to get her involved you really do need to think outside the box.
I have found with my mum that apathy and spending a lot of time in her chair are dementia symptoms
Mum could easily empty the few things in her dishwasher after the carer puts it on most evenings but she won’t
Randomly she will still put clothes in a washing machine from time to time
A recent change is losing interest in television
Mum does still like looking at books although she loses the story as she goes along
I have just come to accept this as the new normal. The difference is that your mum seems to feel agitated by living at home alone in a confused state. Perhaps have a word with the GP? I wonder if she is getting upset by her cognitive state generally and expressing it as I have nothing to do when she means I am altered I can’t fill my day like I used to
Mum might be reluctant but companionship visits from carers visits to dementia cafe attendance may help.
Mum could easily empty the few things in her dishwasher after the carer puts it on most evenings but she won’t
Randomly she will still put clothes in a washing machine from time to time
A recent change is losing interest in television
Mum does still like looking at books although she loses the story as she goes along
I have just come to accept this as the new normal. The difference is that your mum seems to feel agitated by living at home alone in a confused state. Perhaps have a word with the GP? I wonder if she is getting upset by her cognitive state generally and expressing it as I have nothing to do when she means I am altered I can’t fill my day like I used to
Mum might be reluctant but companionship visits from carers visits to dementia cafe attendance may help.
Thank you for your advice and we have enlisted the help of a befriending service who visit twice a week for 2 hours at a time they take her out to visit shops or garden centres or for a coffee. The problem is she has a dog and he is her world if they had to be separated it would be devastating for her.
Hi Andy
My hubby (aged 75) was diagnosed 7 years ago with Mixed Dementia.We sold our seaside bungalow and moved back to Derby to our family,and never regret that tbh
This past year my hubby has lost interest in EVERY hobby/pastime he used to love (motorcycle racing,gardening etc ) and doesn’t want to go out any more to eat /socialise ,as soon as we get to families houses/pubs and clubs he wants to come back home!We live in a lovely Sheltered Housing complex and there are games afternoons/coffee mornings etc here ,but hubby doesn’t want to go anymore.
Problem is that I am now becoming more isolated !
I cared for my lovely late mum for 10 years (she had Altzeimers Dementia) ,she lost all interest in her hobbies,she was an avid knitter/sewer and used to run various craft groups etc .I used to play dominoes with her ,which then also became a mystery to her ,likewise the TV too .She always loved photo albums and would sit for ages looking at them (with me pointing out who’s who etc) and her love of music never left her so she would listen to CDs and still loved a sing song too!
It’s extremely challenging trying to occupy our loved ones with Dementia,I tend (with hubby) to try not to expect too long spent on any form of ‘entertainment’ and try my best to vary activities,but it certainly isn’t easy
Best wishes to you and your wife and Mum and hope you find an activity or interest that she enjoys.
Family caregiver and also professional caregiver here. I have seen real benefit from meaningful activities. No, it can’t stop dementia but it can preserve some abilities for longer, pass the time and help with self esteem. People with dementia can lose the ability to know how to begin or keep going at an activity. We used to have to put a pen in my Mom’s hand, and show her how to the pen to the colouring book each time. And sit beside her, also colouring. And frequently praise her efforts. If colouring is beyond her, try the water colour kit where painting water reveals a picture. Interactive things like rolling a squishy spiky sensory ball, a bit bigger than a grapefruit, can bring someone out of their shell. Instead of asking her what she’d like to do, ask for her help, then give her a pile of tea towels to fold. Repeat as necessary. Invent manageable tasks for her. Put a dementia friendly simple jigsaw on the table, maybe get her started joining the first few pieces. Can she roll a ball for her dog? I also like putting bannanagram oe scrabble tiles out on the tables, people can be tempted to start spelling out words (may need to do this with her a few times). Best of luck, I hope something will work for her.