Need advice

[maureen.coxsey]

Hi
I have stumbled on this site while looking for help and advice as I don't know were to start.
My sister has had no contact with family for the past 20 years, it's mainly due to Alcohol, I have been contacted by a nursing home to tell me she has dementia, and has now been assessed as lost capacity.
All the family have totally washed their hands of her, I on the other hand felt that I should investigate her position.
I have been to visit her and feel nothing but compassion and need to do all I can for her.
Seen her for the first time in 20 years yesterday ,such a sad reunion.
I am so shocked at the standard of care home, it's absolutely filthy, the moment you enter all you hear is aggressive behaviour and was told by care staff "be careful of these individuals" there aggressive.
I found my sister in a box room on the top floor she is afraid to leave her room due to the overall atmosphere of the home.
My sister is a young 70 she is totally mobile able to look after her personal care, she entertains her self with lots of reading but every now and then slips into the past or a total fantasy world, she isn't violent just heart breaking vulnerable, She is in her room 19 hours a day and will only leave at meal times her mental capacity will deteriorate even further.
I am retired and have no extra money to pay for care, my sister is in the same boat and I have zero support from family.
What is my first steps ?
Social worker and someone from DOLLS department say this home is not right for my sister but are not offering me any advice.
Sorry for my introduction to this site to be so long, I have no one to talk to about this and can't think of anything else other than my sister's plight I feel desperate
Thanks for listening x

 

[Izzy]

Welcome to the forum @maureen.coxsey

I’m so sorry to read about your sister’s situation. It sounds awful.

I can only think that you need to get a meeting with the social worker and the manager of the current care home. Make you views clear about the current situation and ask what the plans are for getting your sister appropriate care.

I’m glad you have found this forum and I hope you find it a safe place to come for support.

 

[2ndAlto]

Welcome to the forum @maureen.coxsey . I am so sorry to hear about your sister, her situation sounds like something out of Dickens. I'm sorry I can't offer any advice - I'm not in the UK so don't really know how the system works but I do hope you can find a better home for her. Can homes like that continue, shouldn't they be reported...??

 

[Grannie G]

Hello. Welcome to the forum.

Social worker and someone from DOLLS department say this home is not right for my sister but are not offering me any advice.

I feel they could do more but will not unless you keep pushing them for help.

We all know how oversubscribed social services are and if they pass a judgement and are not challenged they are likely to walk away and forget it.

If you can, I would keep reminding them where you are, where your sister is and how unsuitable they feel her placement is.

 

[Calon Lan]

Hi @maureen.coxsey

I am so sorry about your sister’s situation. This is terrible for her, and for you as you try to help her.

It’s so heartbreaking to hear that a social worker has told you that the home is not right for your sister but then given you no advice on a way forward. That cannot be an acceptable position for someone responsible for ensuring your sister receives appropriate care.

It can be very hard, but you can act as advocate for your sister and push social services for a plan of action. If they believe your sister is in the wrong place then they need to offer another option for her.

Take care.

 

[maureen.coxsey]

Hello. Welcome to the forum.


I feel they could do more but will not unless you keep pushing them for help.

We all know how oversubscribed social services are and if they pass a judgement and are not challenged they are likely to walk away and forget it.

If you can, I would keep reminding them where you are, where your sister is and how unsuitable they feel her placement is.

Thank you for your message, I will keep making calls and visits to push for a better outcome

 

[yoy]

This sounds like people walking away from their resposibilities. I would suggest, as the others have, that you keep pushing for her, and also keep a written log/diary of everyone you speak to and notes about the conversations, or use letters/emails so you have a paperchain in case you need it later.

 

[Lostinthisdesert]

So sorry to hear about your sister. What an awful situation. It is to your credit that you are trying to help when everyone else has walked away. As others have already said you will need to push hard and advocate for her. It won't be easy, social care is underfunded and only those who shout the loudest get heard. Be politely persistent, keep evidence and document everything with dates. This first step is social services and the care home manager. Escalate to senior staff if you get nowhere. Your MP can also help, especially now that bad care homes are in the news again.
Good luck!

 

[maggie6445]

@maureen.coxsey , welcome to the forums. I'm sorry you are in this position.

If the nursing home contacted you I think they feel she needs someone to be her advocate. The home realises she is in the wrong environment but have no reason to ask her to leave. The nursing home will also be aware that social services will do nothing unless someone pushes them

Be persistent in asking for he to be moved somewhere more appropriate.

Good luckx