Need advice

[Gemini85]

Hi there

My mum got diagnosed with Alzheimers in 2021 at 58, she's now 60

She wants to rent a bungalow and I've got her on the council list as she has a knee replacement and her mobility is not the best and then with her having Alzheimers I was advised it would be better for her.

I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place because my 37 year old brother is still living at home, rent free, pays no bills, maybe buys the odd bit of food and doesn't really do anything. Doesn't even eat with her at dinner time, he eats in his room like a teenager..

I'm her lasting power of attorney as I take her to all her appointments, sorts her medication out, takes her to dementia groups twice a week, all while working myself and have my own family.

She was recently offered a one bedroom bungalow through the council but has refused it because she doesn't want to tell my brother he needs to find his own place.

I've told my brother that he needs to think of her needs.

I don't know what to do and feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall. She may have another opportunity for another bungalow but they will only offer a one bedroom and if she refuses again, her chances are getting thinner.

If any of you have any advice please i would appreciate it.

 

[SAP]

Well yes it does sound like your brother is behaving like a teenager and not taking responsibility. But…if your mum moved into a one bedrooms place and in a few months time her dementia progressed , as it will, and she forgot to turn the gas off or fell or forgot to buy food in etc, I’m just wondering if she is better where she is where there is at least another person near by in an emergency.
The other thing to remember is that any move will cause confusion. It’s a tough call because of her mobility. Maybe have a word with your brother and let him know that he will either have to move out or take on more care,that may force his hand.

 

[Gemini85]

Well yes it does sound like your brother is behaving like a teenager and not taking responsibility. But…if your mum moved into a one bedrooms place and in a few months time her dementia progressed , as it will, and she forgot to turn the gas off or fell or forgot to buy food in etc, I’m just wondering if she is better where she is where there is at least another person near by in an emergency.
The other thing to remember is that any move will cause confusion. It’s a tough call because of her mobility. Maybe have a word with your brother and let him know that he will either have to move out or take on more care,th

Thankyou for you reply. My mum doesn't go out on her own anymore so we always make sure she has food in and we turn appliances off that could cause an accident.

Its just frustrating when you do most of the caring and feel like you're not getting anywhere

 

[backin]

Yes I'd also stress that he will become the main carer if he lives with her, even if you wouldn't stick to it.

 

[Gemini85]

Yes I'd also stress that he will become the main carer if he lives with her, even if you wouldn't stick to it.

Exactly! I would never give up on my mum, she's always says she wouldn't know what to do without me. Family's are so frustrating when it comes to things like this