My wife wants to go into a care home

[Hubbie]

My 65 year old wife is about 10 years into having the PCA variant of Alzheimer's and I think she would be considered early stage 6. She often says she would like to be in a care home. She is still physically healthy and we go for a walk every day. Despite many delusions she is very aware of what's going on around her and I think she would hate it. We moved house and town a couple of years ago and she says she doesn't like the house and is missing her old friends. She actually chose the house and because of her condition she was withdrawing from friendships before we moved. We do still see our closest friends occasionally and she has an old friend living nearby but shows no interest in seeing them.
I am able to provide her as much support as she needs including helping her use the toilet in the night. I doubt she would get the same level of care in a home.
I will be fine with her going into a care home when I think the time is right but I don't think that is now. On the other hand I don't relish going against her wishes. Probably a stupid question but when does one know when the time has come to move someone into a care home?

 

[SAP]

She could try a respite placement in a home to see how she feels. If that goes well then you will know , if not she may change her mind.

 

[Collywobbles]

I agree with SAP. Maybe try a fortnight in a care home as a ‘holiday’ for her - and see how you *both* feel about it. You might find that she flourishes and you feel more comfortable with the idea.

You have a rare opportunity to get your wife settled in a care home while she’s still keen on the idea and able to make her own decision. If you read around the forum, so many folks are in the position of burnout and despair, struggling to care for desperately ill family members who refuse to engage with the notion of a care home until some kind of crisis hits. You might be able to view your current situation as a positive.

 

[ChaceSoto]

Making the decision to transfer a relative to a nursing home is a complex process that requires careful discussion and assessment of the situation. Your wife, despite the stage of her illness, shows awareness of what is happening around her, and this is an important aspect for making a decision. It is important to take into account her wishes and preferences, as well as her physical and emotional state.

 

[Sarasa]

I think it would be a good idea to start doing a bit of research @Hubbie then you would know what was available in your area care home wise. Not all homes are alike and what suits one person won't another.
I too agree about trying out some respite, and take it from there.
Whatever happens it won't be a failure on your part if and when she goes into care. You'll still be her loving husband, just one with a team to support you.