My wife is in a care home has been since April 2016 after she attacked me and was sectioned taken to hospital and then after a month into the care home.
We have been married 45 years and 8 months until this year never apart for more than a week. Two children three grandchildren my wife slipped into dementia from around 2009 when the family noticed her strange behaviour. I was working full time looking forward to retirement and being able to make her happy by doing things together.
Unfortunately it wasn't to be I took early retirement a year before my wife's diagnosis in 2013 spent the next three years careing for her home thought I was helping obviously not I nearly got me head bashed in for my trouble. Since my wife has been in the care home she seems healthy except for her arthritis and thyroid which she takes regular medication for(except when at home where she forgot and wouldn't allow me to remind her or take over administering them for her) After her diagnosis in 2014 she wasn't prescribed any medication to help with her dementia at all? even though I queried it. Whilst in the care home they take care of the her medication and ensure she gets it(so I am told.) I have many issues with the situation of my wife is in! The care home staff are luckily for her very kind and do what is required up to a point. Now I have been told they are cutting staff and putting those workers left under pressure. Because of my wifes very awkward ways she is a hoarder paranoid and suffers anxiety on a continued basis. She is on medication that is at its limit for her dementia taking mementine and resperindone 25ml day max that Community Psyichriatic Nurse will allow.
This has made her more manageable for them I can honestly say that I miss her so much
and find visiting traumatic as she "plays me"as the care workers say. Demanding to know how long has got to stay in the care home etc is she going to die in the care home etc.
How would I like to be in her position etc. When she went into the care home the children attended regularly and the grandchildren my son and daughter-in-law live only half a mile away and on who's insistence she was put close to them "so they could keep and eye on her etc" Guess what they don't I am the main visitor and my daughter lives 45 miles away and visits once a week. Now I am being asked to collect more and more to take her to places on my own so I am still the main carer. Sorry if this has turned into a epic but it is only a bit of what I have to do, keeping am eye on the care home the new GP the CPN if not followed up by me it doesn't happen. I know the care home should be doing these things and they don't I have looked around and found seemingly better care homes nearer to me in my village close by etc. I took my wife after the first bout of low standard caring after three months they upped their game but in no time at all dropped it back to sub-standard. When my wife was taken to the alternative care home she"flipped" and wouldn't go there because of "all the old ladies there with white hair who stared at her" got into a state even though it was in the village where we had lived for 31 years and a mile from her old house. So my threat to move her cannot be done because it upsets her and I am sure her present care home are aware of this! Empty threats carry no substance I have informed the local council who part fund the cost and the balance comes from my wife pension they are sympathetic and want know as do the CQC but what to do?
What I am asking is can the funding provided by the council be used to fund a home care service in her house where I live, is it wise to be thinking this way or do I just carry on with the substandard care home she is in? She has early stage dementia but little has changed she has got better but will she revert if put back in our home? Even though I could provide constant care with regular visits from one of the carer services that do this.
Helping Hands who claim to be dementia specialists is one. Quite honestly I am on duty like the police/fireman and awaiting a call to action. I have had not had more than a week away in 10 years because my wife wouldn't leave the house overnight. I am wearing out!
I have counselling, reki hynotherapy the lot. I used to like going fishing I use to like gardening I have managed to have some adult swimming sessions one hour a week.
I use to have friends, funny as soon as it was announced my wife had dementia her friends disappeared mine too. All I can ask the many carers doing what I do for their loved ones we know we care and will continue to.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.
We have been married 45 years and 8 months until this year never apart for more than a week. Two children three grandchildren my wife slipped into dementia from around 2009 when the family noticed her strange behaviour. I was working full time looking forward to retirement and being able to make her happy by doing things together.
Unfortunately it wasn't to be I took early retirement a year before my wife's diagnosis in 2013 spent the next three years careing for her home thought I was helping obviously not I nearly got me head bashed in for my trouble. Since my wife has been in the care home she seems healthy except for her arthritis and thyroid which she takes regular medication for(except when at home where she forgot and wouldn't allow me to remind her or take over administering them for her) After her diagnosis in 2014 she wasn't prescribed any medication to help with her dementia at all? even though I queried it. Whilst in the care home they take care of the her medication and ensure she gets it(so I am told.) I have many issues with the situation of my wife is in! The care home staff are luckily for her very kind and do what is required up to a point. Now I have been told they are cutting staff and putting those workers left under pressure. Because of my wifes very awkward ways she is a hoarder paranoid and suffers anxiety on a continued basis. She is on medication that is at its limit for her dementia taking mementine and resperindone 25ml day max that Community Psyichriatic Nurse will allow.
This has made her more manageable for them I can honestly say that I miss her so much
and find visiting traumatic as she "plays me"as the care workers say. Demanding to know how long has got to stay in the care home etc is she going to die in the care home etc.
How would I like to be in her position etc. When she went into the care home the children attended regularly and the grandchildren my son and daughter-in-law live only half a mile away and on who's insistence she was put close to them "so they could keep and eye on her etc" Guess what they don't I am the main visitor and my daughter lives 45 miles away and visits once a week. Now I am being asked to collect more and more to take her to places on my own so I am still the main carer. Sorry if this has turned into a epic but it is only a bit of what I have to do, keeping am eye on the care home the new GP the CPN if not followed up by me it doesn't happen. I know the care home should be doing these things and they don't I have looked around and found seemingly better care homes nearer to me in my village close by etc. I took my wife after the first bout of low standard caring after three months they upped their game but in no time at all dropped it back to sub-standard. When my wife was taken to the alternative care home she"flipped" and wouldn't go there because of "all the old ladies there with white hair who stared at her" got into a state even though it was in the village where we had lived for 31 years and a mile from her old house. So my threat to move her cannot be done because it upsets her and I am sure her present care home are aware of this! Empty threats carry no substance I have informed the local council who part fund the cost and the balance comes from my wife pension they are sympathetic and want know as do the CQC but what to do?
What I am asking is can the funding provided by the council be used to fund a home care service in her house where I live, is it wise to be thinking this way or do I just carry on with the substandard care home she is in? She has early stage dementia but little has changed she has got better but will she revert if put back in our home? Even though I could provide constant care with regular visits from one of the carer services that do this.
Helping Hands who claim to be dementia specialists is one. Quite honestly I am on duty like the police/fireman and awaiting a call to action. I have had not had more than a week away in 10 years because my wife wouldn't leave the house overnight. I am wearing out!
I have counselling, reki hynotherapy the lot. I used to like going fishing I use to like gardening I have managed to have some adult swimming sessions one hour a week.
I use to have friends, funny as soon as it was announced my wife had dementia her friends disappeared mine too. All I can ask the many carers doing what I do for their loved ones we know we care and will continue to.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you all.