I have never posted to any forum before but having lost my mum on 29th Sept to either Alzheimer's or Vascular Dementia (depending who you spoke to) I now feel like I need to. I was with mum when she passed away which was a very peaceful and she was 81, no-one in her family had ever lived to this age. Unfortunately though all of this has happened so quickly. Mum only got a diagnosis of Alzheimer's after a CT scan in September last year. She was aware at that time that her memory was poor and this caused her distress but she was quite matter of fact about her diagnosis. We are a family of nurses, mum was a health visitor and retired as a nurse manager. At the time of her diagnosis and in the months leading up to it when she would become so muddled and mixed up I was working as a district nurse. I had worried that mums memory problems were more than just anxiety (as my sister believed) however despite several trips to the GP and numerous memory tests she appeared to be a class act when it came to completing them! My sister (also a senior nurse) took mum to these appointments and it was almost that the fact mum could do the test all of the other symptoms she had and so we went on. I know that we are not the first family who have been polarized by this awful illness, but my sister seemed unable to see what I was worried about. As mum became more muddled she could be frustrating, I now know it is impossible to talk someone through how to use a medication tray whilst driving along the motorway - hands-free I promise! This was the least of it, a system on her door to alert us via a phone call when she left the house had its own issues, particularly when she flooded her kitchen at 4 in the morning! Anyway I am rambling! To be able to cope I found that I had to be with my mum as if she was one of my patients, this helped me to be patient, calm and much more understanding than I really felt deep down. Great at the time but now after mum has passed away I cannot remember her as she was before her illness, I mean I really cannot remember her. As it was such a swift decline with low and lower points. Admission to hospital, discharge into residential dementia care, admission back into hospital with a broken hip (also an un-diagnosed pelvic fracture), from where she was discharged for end of life care into a nursing home. Then miraculously rallying and taking charge of the nursing home - once a nurse manager always one apparently!! The lady who passed away 3 months later was so much in need of help, support and compassion which we gave as best we could, but she was not my witty, wacky, naughty mum. Maybe I mourned for mum last year but now whilst I feel sad, I don't believe that I am really having a 'normal' response to her dying now. I am not sure what I am hoping the forum can do to help but to be honest writing some of the things down has helped a little.