My parents both have early dementia

[juliec9999]

I was wondering if i can get some advice as my dad (who has early/ mild dementia) at the moment is constantly getting upset over my mums behaviour. She repeats herself constantly, swears at him, questions him daily about his carers and says she doesn't want them anymore etc. She is yet to be diagnosed with dementia but i have an appointment for her next week at the memory clinic. I think she definitely has dementia however.

I was wondering if i can get help for dad to deal with her on a daily basis and tips on how to deal with her because he is so stressed.

 

[Gosling]

Hello and welcome @juliec9999 to this friendly and supportive forum. There is a wealth of shared experience of dementia here so I am glad you have found us.
I am sorry to read about your Dad's dementia and now your Mum's behaviour. It is great that you have a memory clinic appointment next week, and at least you may get a proper diagnosis. I am attaching a link which you may find useful and some tips for you:

Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired

The following piece was posted a while ago on DSF and made a big impression on me. It is something I have referred to time after time and tried hard to follow. We have many new members who may not have seen it before. Yesterday I posted it on another Thread but thought it might be helpful if...

forum.alzheimers.org.uk

Do let us know how things go, and please keep posting. People here really do want to help, and most importantly, they understand.

 

[Cathy001]

The item shared is really helpful! Thank you for posting this. I’m new to the forum and appreciate this. Thank you! I’m in a similar position, both parents, mum has Alzheimer’s and dad waiting scan results in the next couple of weeks. He has had strokes and has mental health issues.
I have also found the Admiral nursing team very supportive. They signposted me to support in my area.
I’ve also given dad lines to say to mum when she is in denial about things. The latest being the medication carousel we have recently had installed. Mum says ‘I don’t need this’ Dad would say ‘Yes you do!’. So not helpful and arguement triggering. As the carousel timed, I phone dad 5 mins prior to the reminder alarm and say, if mum says….. you need to say…….
Try to model responses.
I’ve also gone for 1 day a week day care for them both. This gives them a break from each other and peace of mind for me that they are in good hands.
It’s so tricky when both your parents have issues. Neither understand each other therefore wind each other up. They can’t help it and it’s not deliberate. It’s such a shame.
I hope you get the support you need for both your parents and yourself. Best wishes.
Please keep posting as the forum can help each other.