My nan just passed away

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by pandyuk, Mar 5, 2015.

  1. pandyuk

    pandyuk Registered User

    Mar 5, 2015
    1
    #1 pandyuk, Mar 5, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 5, 2015
    Hi everyone, I just joined this site after receiving the news that my Nan has passed away, and I needed to write this all down. I feel numb and tongue-tied, I keep breaking into tears but trying to stay strong for my Dad. I've never had to deal with a situation like this, my Grandad died when I was very young, so emotionally I feel very confused.

    She had been suffering with alzheimer's and dementia for a long time, being cared for at a nursing home in the Midlands. I feel horrible that I hadn't been to visit her in so long - I can sit here a spout off excuses as to why, but in all honesty it was just too painful. The last time I saw her she was at least responsive and mobile, and the care she received at the home was excellent. The doctors at the end said she succumbed to pneumonia, having breathing difficulties and also not being able to eat properly.

    There's been some tension in my family - my Dad doesn't really speak to his sister after she pretty much refused to involve herself in my Nan's care, leaving my Dad to take on the responsibility. He has had 2 strokes in the last year, including a leg infection, that has really taken it's toll on him. He's been amazing, even through his own illnesses he continued to put her first. I really don't want to say this - but I can tell that her passing will give him some relief, even though I know he is devastated.

    Everyone has been anticipating her passing, but now it's happened the cliche of having "just one more day" keeps ringing in my head. It puts everything into perspective.
     
  2. Adcat

    Adcat Registered User

    Jun 15, 2014
    289
    London
    I am so sorry to read your post, my condolences to you and your dad.
    I am sure there are many conflicting emotions going on.
    Take care and stay strong for your dad.
     
  3. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    I'm so sorry pandyuk. I know those feelings of relief and devastation that your Dad is feeling. Such strong and conflicting emotions; on my few good days I think to myself 'well Pete is no longer suffering' on the bad days I want to see Pete again -and I know that is very selfish of me.

    As you say 'just one more day'-I would add 'just one more day without Dementia'-what I would give for that. Let your tears flow that may help-no stiff upper lip needed.We are here to help so if you need to get things off your chest this is a good place to do so.

    Take care of yourself

    Lyn T X
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,754
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm sorry to read about your nan and send my condolences.

    Wishing you the strength you need for the days to come. x
     
  5. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    526
    British Isles
    So sorry for the loss of your Nan. Your sympathy and understanding will really help your Dad to get through this painful time. I hope that you have some lovely memories of your pre-dementia Nan that you can share together.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.