I'm new to this site today and am getting to the end of my tether with my mum. She is 91 next month and was diagnosed with Alzheimers disease in April 2016, although to be fair she has had all the signs and symptoms for over a year now, its just taken us that long to get a diagnosis. She has lived alone for 31 years and always been independent. In the last 6 months she has struggled to cope and we have employed carers to help with some tasks. Physically although very frail, she can walk with a stick, wash herself and is continent so social services have not offered any care, we are paying for it all, predominantly carers every night to cook a meal and make sure she takes her warfarin, which she forgets to do or takes too many.
2 months ago she said she felt she couldn't cope anymore and wanted to go into a care home. Both my sisters live abroad so I spent several weeks visiting places, shortlisting some nice ones, which we then took her see when my sister visited 2 weeks ago. We found a lovely place that would have taken her for a respite week, and although she said she liked it when we visited, she flatly refused to go once we got home. We enrolled her for day care at another and again after 2 weeks she said she no longer wanted to go. We then found a very nice place near to where she lives, she went for day care and loved it. They have no beds at the moment so i have put her on the waiting list and she is going for day care twice a week. She has been 4 times and now decided she no longer wants to go there. This place is excellent and I know we won't find anywhere better. I was hoping to visit my son at university this weekend and they had said she could go for day care over the weekend to put my mind at rest, now it seems she won't go.
I work full time and she calls me several times a day, even from the care home on her mobile when she's there. One day last week I had 49 calls. She is completely deaf in one ear so calls are extremely difficult as she can not hear what i am saying, which results in both of us getting frustrated. I visit every weekend to take her out, do her medication, plus try to pop in 2 nights a week after work if I can, even though she lives 15 miles away.To be fair i have never had a good relationship with her, she has always been a difficult person, very"needy" critical of everything I do and demanding, but I am trying hard to help support her. However this is now beginning to make me feel ill and I just do not know where to turn. I am struggling to do my job properly because I never know when she will call, and I have told her not to call unless it is an emergency, but she don't remember. I remarried 3 years ago to a lovely man who is incredibly supportive, but my mums demands are starting to impact on our relationship. I was hopeful that if we could get her into a really nice care home, things would improve but I just can't see an end in sight. Her GP is frankly uninterested and we have no social worker as she would be self funding if she went into care. As both my sisters are abroad, most of the day to day care and organisation falls to me. My husband keeps worrying that I will end up becoming ill and to be honest I am starting to think he is right
I really don't have time to start looking for other homes, especially as she is adamant that she will only go to one in the area where she lives. Can i force her to carry on going to day care? If not what else can I do?
2 months ago she said she felt she couldn't cope anymore and wanted to go into a care home. Both my sisters live abroad so I spent several weeks visiting places, shortlisting some nice ones, which we then took her see when my sister visited 2 weeks ago. We found a lovely place that would have taken her for a respite week, and although she said she liked it when we visited, she flatly refused to go once we got home. We enrolled her for day care at another and again after 2 weeks she said she no longer wanted to go. We then found a very nice place near to where she lives, she went for day care and loved it. They have no beds at the moment so i have put her on the waiting list and she is going for day care twice a week. She has been 4 times and now decided she no longer wants to go there. This place is excellent and I know we won't find anywhere better. I was hoping to visit my son at university this weekend and they had said she could go for day care over the weekend to put my mind at rest, now it seems she won't go.
I work full time and she calls me several times a day, even from the care home on her mobile when she's there. One day last week I had 49 calls. She is completely deaf in one ear so calls are extremely difficult as she can not hear what i am saying, which results in both of us getting frustrated. I visit every weekend to take her out, do her medication, plus try to pop in 2 nights a week after work if I can, even though she lives 15 miles away.To be fair i have never had a good relationship with her, she has always been a difficult person, very"needy" critical of everything I do and demanding, but I am trying hard to help support her. However this is now beginning to make me feel ill and I just do not know where to turn. I am struggling to do my job properly because I never know when she will call, and I have told her not to call unless it is an emergency, but she don't remember. I remarried 3 years ago to a lovely man who is incredibly supportive, but my mums demands are starting to impact on our relationship. I was hopeful that if we could get her into a really nice care home, things would improve but I just can't see an end in sight. Her GP is frankly uninterested and we have no social worker as she would be self funding if she went into care. As both my sisters are abroad, most of the day to day care and organisation falls to me. My husband keeps worrying that I will end up becoming ill and to be honest I am starting to think he is right
I really don't have time to start looking for other homes, especially as she is adamant that she will only go to one in the area where she lives. Can i force her to carry on going to day care? If not what else can I do?