Ok so my mum has a pub at the end of her road which she takes herself off to a couple times a week. She sits there and does not bring her purse so they kindly feed and water her. We her daughters pay the bill. The landlord now says he doesn’t want her coming in on her own as she takes up a whole table and does dementia stuff (tipped mayonnaise into her tea). He says people are being put off going in. He asked my sister how many days do we work, he said he wants us to sort out a solution. Me and my sister both work and we live in different towns from our mum. We both take care of cleaning mums house, cleaning her, laundry, shopping, cooking, mum fights us when we try to get her to change her clothes but we still do it. The landlord is getting to be a stress for us, we told him we can’t control where she goes when we’re not there. But he’s getting angry with us. What do we do?? We are trying to get her to go to a nursing home but she refuses, even though she failed the MCA. She gets lost a lot too, police we called yesterday to find her. I can’t cope this much longer. What do we say to the landlord?
My mum goes to the local pub on her own but the landlord says no more!
- Thread starter Highlandfever
- Start date
You control your mum or he will do what precisely? I can understand his concern but threatening you will get him absolutely nowhere. He can chose not to serve her or throw her out, she will forget and return. He can complain to the police but they will do very little. He could call social services and that may back your case for her being in residential care. At the end of the day you have no legal requirement to sort your mum out. You work, possibly have family none of that is his business . His business in the pub, your mum is a difficult customer….that is his problem.
We told him he can stop serving her but he said it makes him look like a nasty person. He’s quite adamant he wants us to come up with a solution. We don’t have one.
Hello @Highlandfever and welcome to the Dementia Support Forum.
There are two main issues here. First of all as far as I am aware because public houses are private businesses the landlord can ban anyone that they wish from their premises. But that is unlikely to stop your mum from going to the pub, how he deals with that is up to him.
The second issue however is more important, you say that your mum has started to wander, has got lost a lot and had to be returned by the police. This is a real red flag as your mum is therefore at risk of harm. From what you have said she really needs to be in residential care to ensure her safety. This is not about what she wants but what she needs. I would suggest that you contact her social worker urgently to explain that your mum is wandering and getting lost and as a result is a vulnerable adult at risk of harm.
There are two main issues here. First of all as far as I am aware because public houses are private businesses the landlord can ban anyone that they wish from their premises. But that is unlikely to stop your mum from going to the pub, how he deals with that is up to him.
The second issue however is more important, you say that your mum has started to wander, has got lost a lot and had to be returned by the police. This is a real red flag as your mum is therefore at risk of harm. From what you have said she really needs to be in residential care to ensure her safety. This is not about what she wants but what she needs. I would suggest that you contact her social worker urgently to explain that your mum is wandering and getting lost and as a result is a vulnerable adult at risk of harm.
I told him we both work we live in different towns to mum, neither of us drive, it takes over an hour to get there, we’re both nurses, we can’t just leave the job to get a train and then a bus to get our mum out of the pub. We are both stressed about this. I hope he does call social because I want mum in a safe home. The police said last night well obviously we have carers coming coming in as the house is clean and I said no!! We clean and do everything because she won’t let the carer do anything other than give her tablets and make her a sandwich!! My dad just went into a nursing home 2 weeks after 3 months in hospital. My dad would not let carers in the house. I do not know what else we can do. We are breaking.
I have raised 3 safeguards over this very issue. This has been ongoing for months now. Social have done MCA and she failed it. But because she has been adamant she will not leave her home social say they will need to bring it to court to get her in a home. We want her in a nursing home, social seem to want her to stay at home. I have begged the police each time they have picked up mum to tell social she is not safe at home. They report to social.
Get on to social services and keep getting on to them. Tell them exactly what you have told us. You could say you are concerned that your mum is now wandering and is coursing a local difficult situation. Both these things make her extremely vulnerable and therefore it is a safeguarding issue. As @SeaSwallow has said this in no longer about what your mum wants but what she needs to keep her safe.
Also I wouldn’t waste anymore breath on the pub landlord, you owe him no justification.
Also I wouldn’t waste anymore breath on the pub landlord, you owe him no justification.
Each time mum gets lost we tell the SW. I’m in contact with SW every week. My safeguardings I have raised state not safe, vulnerable, at high risk, what els do I have to do for people to listen to me?? I told the SW and the police if she does go to a nursing home something bad will end up happening to her.
I have been repeating myself over and over to Social and to police for months, my safeguarding flags I’ve done 3 recently all for vulnerable and high risk alerts, I phone them, I email them, I speak to the SW each week I told the police each time please say in your report to social that she is at high risk, but nothing, nothing!
Yes social services do need to ensure that if she is moved in to care against her will then it is done legally ie they would need to put a Deprivation of Liberties for safeguarding in place. These can be done as an interim measure until a full assessment is done and there is usually a team dedicated to doing this . They will have the legal duty to manage this situation …I think saying they need to go to court is a bit strong. They will make an application to the COP for the DoLs but it’s common place. I suggest that you call the help line and talk through what you’ve been told and then go back to the social worker with the information you get .
Contact us
Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
This must be so difficult for you @Highlandfever. I would suggest that you contact the Alzheimer's Society's helpline for advice. Link below.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Contact us
Find out how to get in touch with Alzheimer's Society by phone, email, post or online.
www.alzheimers.org.uk
Would it be an idea to perhaps employ a "companion" who could accompany your mother to the pub a couple of times a week as a temporary measure until social services get their act together? This companion could help to moderate her behaviour in the establishment eg stop her putting stuff in her drink etc. There are a number of companies who I believe offer this sort of service. Just an idea of course and may not be appropriate.
Mum's dementia friends have 'companions' who take them to Alzheimers Scotland activity groups. You could do something similar for a few hours a week, for the pub and a general wander to keep her safe and give you peace of mind whilst you wait for SW support. The landlord obviously wants to help but doesn't know how and your mum likes to go there so a companion could be a good idea.
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