My mum doesn’t have dementia…so what do I do now???

[Lukusplukus]

Hello,
My name’s Luke and I’ve just joined…yippee!
My mum is 84 and her short term memory has been slowly deteriorating for the last couple of years. She lives in a sheltered scheme but in her own bungalow, with access to a warden and events that go on in the community room. Pre covid she was one of the most active members but over the last couple of years she has gradually stopped going to all the events that go on. When I push her to explain why she says that she just likes and wants to be at home.
Prompted by my concerns and that of my brothers, she has recently seen her GP and had lots of tests for dementia, including a brain scan. They all show no signs of dementia, which is great news! But we now don’t know what is causing the loss of short term memory and the desire to stay home all the time. Mum will go out if I take her out but she doesn’t want to go to social events, even with her friends. She cannot offer any explanations as to why she feels this way.
What should I do now??? What could be causing these behaviours??? The GP has said that it is really important that mum socialises and go to events in the community room. How do I get her to go???

Many thanks 😁

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to the forum @Lukusplukus Luke I hope you will find it helpful.

If all tests show your mum doesn’t have dementia I suppose you will have to accept these results. However, the change in her behaviour must be quite worrying for you.

Do you think the isolation during lockdown might have something to do with this? It has certainly made a difference to me .

It sounds as if she has lost her confidence. If she will socialise with you and you have the time to accompany her it might solve her problem eventually and enable her to socialise under her own steam.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

It's easy for the GP to say that - what are you supposed to do? Frog-march her down to the community room whether she wants to go or not?

If she does have dementia (it doesn't always show on scans though the memory tests should have shown something), you're just going to have to wait till it's more obvious.

It is a fact that many older people gradually reduce their social engagements, whether through lack of confidence, apathy, depression or just can't be bothered-ness. All you can really do is keep encouraging her and maybe arranging for someone to call and take her.

Meanwhile, I'd suggest you keep a diary of her memory lapses and any other odd behaviours you witness then you'll have 'evidence' next time you approach the doctor.

 

[Lukusplukus]

Welcome to the forum @Lukusplukus Luke I hope you will find it helpful.

If all tests show your mum doesn’t have dementia I suppose you will have to accept these results. However, the change in her behaviour must be quite worrying for you.

Do you think the isolation during lockdown might have something to do with this? It has certainly made a difference to me .

It sounds as if she has lost her confidence. If she will socialise with you and you have the time to accompany her it might solve her problem eventually and enable her to socialise under her own steam.

Greetings Sylvia,
Many thanks for your thoughts and ideas. I have talked with my brothers and my eldest brother has been up visiting this weekend from down near London. We are going to go back to the GP for some further possible help and mum has agreed to go to one social event to try and build back her confidence 😁

 

[Lukusplukus]

It's easy for the GP to say that - what are you supposed to do? Frog-march her down to the community room whether she wants to go or not?

If she does have dementia (it doesn't always show on scans though the memory tests should have shown something), you're just going to have to wait till it's more obvious.

It is a fact that many older people gradually reduce their social engagements, whether through lack of confidence, apathy, depression or just can't be bothered-ness. All you can really do is keep encouraging her and maybe arranging for someone to call and take her.

Meanwhile, I'd suggest you keep a diary of her memory lapses and any other odd behaviours you witness then you'll have 'evidence' next time you approach the doctor.

Greetings. Many thanks for your advice. We’ve talked as a family and with mum and she’s going to try one social event each week to help build back her confidence and go for a short walk each weekday. We are also going to seek some further advice from the GP regarding other possible causes. 😁

 

[dora]

I presume that the dr excluded hypothyroid and vitamin B12 deficiency etc? These would have been by blood tests. Low thyroid can be very insidious in onset and there is a good list of symptoms here https://www.btf-thyroid.org/hypothyroidism-leaflet although some are quite non-specific. If this does look possible to you, you could ask for the actual result of the thyroid test and discuss it with the charity I have linked to.

 

[AlliRich]

Hello,
My name’s Luke and I’ve just joined…yippee!
My mum is 84 and her short term memory has been slowly deteriorating for the last couple of years. She lives in a sheltered scheme but in her own bungalow, with access to a warden and events that go on in the community room. Pre covid she was one of the most active members but over the last couple of years she has gradually stopped going to all the events that go on. When I push her to explain why she says that she just likes and wants to be at home.
Prompted by my concerns and that of my brothers, she has recently seen her GP and had lots of tests for dementia, including a brain scan. They all show no signs of dementia, which is great news! But we now don’t know what is causing the loss of short term memory and the desire to stay home all the time. Mum will go out if I take her out but she doesn’t want to go to social events, even with her friends. She cannot offer any explanations as to why she feels this way.
What should I do now??? What could be causing these behaviours??? The GP has said that it is really important that mum socialises and go to events in the community room. How do I get her to go???

Many thanks 😁

Hi, my mum started like this in 2017 and it took four memory clinic assessments until they finally stated she had dementia in 2021. I know they are reluctant to diagnose until they have to, as once they do it’s final. Am not sure if that is about time to get things in order or just proof positive. I felt that if they had diagnosed earlier mum would have started the meds earlier. I would say encourage as much as possible and take her to events yourself a couple of times if possible. I just took the lead and act like she already arranged to go somewhere and she often fell in during the early years. This is a steep learning curve for anyone. I knew even though they kept saying she didn’t have dementia. You just have to carry on, encourage, be sympathetic but sometimes just push them into events you know they love if you can. Other times accept things are now different and adapt….