My mum died

[Sparkling Wine]

L

Love to you, too! Hang in there. It’s a hard slog but it does become more bearable. And true: I agree with what you and another poster have said, it does come in patches. As time goes by, these become further apart. For me, now, after nearly 15 years, I am only struck by sorrow every six months or so. A couple of times a year I guess. And still I am so bowled over by the feeling until I remember, “Oh yes, I know what you are! You are grief. How strange I’d forgotten.” Be kind to yourself. And by the way if people eventually start expecting you to buck up, ignore them. It takes as long as it takes and everyone is different. After only ten months you are still in the first throes. I do so WISH now I hadn’t kept criticising myself for not “getting over it” faster. The first time I had this unrealistic expectation of myself was only three weeks after my son’s death. What was I thinking???!!! Love again, Carolyn.

Thankyou again for your kindness in sharing your experiences. You have known a lot of sadness...
Love Sparkling Wine

 

[Sparkling Wine]

Sorry to hear your loss of your Mum. I lost mine 4 years ago and I still go to phone her thinking must tell Mum (so wish I could). We talk about her a lot to my twins, sitting here crying now.....

Take Care

Thankyou Twinmum, I’m so sorry for your sadness. I guess it never completely leaves you, but talking about her to your twins keeps her lovely memory alive.
Love Sparkling Wine xx

 

[Sparkling Wine]

Hello everyone. I just thought I would check in and see how you are all doing... yesterday it was exactly 12 months since my lovely Mum died, after a 12 year journey with Alzheimer’s. I simply can’t believe a whole year has gone by without me seeing her, hearing her laugh and sing, giving her a hug or hearing her voice. It has got easier over that time, but there are still some days that are very hard. I miss her very much. I ticked off all the anniversaries, birthdays and other events...all the ‘firsts’ over the course of a year. Time marches on at a time when you want it to stand still. I went to the cemetery with my brother, to read her entry in the Book of Remembrance, have a walk with him and a chat and reminisce about her. It was so lovely and so peaceful. We went for some lunch together and then I came home. This morning though I woke up thinking, I’m now starting another year without her.
Please tell me things will improve...
Lots of love to you all,
Sparkling Wine xx

 

[carolynp]

Hello everyone. I just thought I would check in and see how you are all doing... yesterday it was exactly 12 months since my lovely Mum died, after a 12 year journey with Alzheimer’s. I simply can’t believe a whole year has gone by without me seeing her, hearing her laugh and sing, giving her a hug or hearing her voice. It has got easier over that time, but there are still some days that are very hard. I miss her very much. I ticked off all the anniversaries, birthdays and other events...all the ‘firsts’ over the course of a year. Time marches on at a time when you want it to stand still. I went to the cemetery with my brother, to read her entry in the Book of Remembrance, have a walk with him and a chat and reminisce about her. It was so lovely and so peaceful. We went for some lunch together and then I came home. This morning though I woke up thinking, I’m now starting another year without her.
Please tell me things will improve...
Lots of love to you all,
Sparkling Wine xx

Thank you so much for posting. What a heart warming account. A well spent day, I feel, mindfully accomplished. The sense of peace is so special. I think you have rounded off that most arduous first year in the best way possible. Well done.

Yes it will get easier. Be reassured. But always be kind and tolerant of yourself. It will be a patchy progress, if that is the word, with ups and downs. But overall the peace will increase, it will come more easily, and the pain will soften into a warmth and new sense of love at your core.

 

[Sparkling Wine]

Thankyou carolynp for your lovely warm and caring reply. I feel sure you are right. I somehow felt that once I’d completed a year without her, then somehow she’d be back... I know how daft that sounds, but the day felt so momentous, but then it passed and I expected to immediately feel better.
It was a special time with my brother though, we had shared the caring over the years and had so much to talk about, bad and good, about mum and we laughed together.
Thankyou for your advice, i will take it on board, and for taking the time to reply.
Love Sparkling Wine xx

 

[carolynp]

H

Thankyou carolynp for your lovely warm and caring reply. I feel sure you are right. I somehow felt that once I’d completed a year without her, then somehow she’d be back... I know how daft that sounds, but the day felt so momentous, but then it passed and I expected to immediately feel better.
It was a special time with my brother though, we had shared the caring over the years and had so much to talk about, bad and good, about mum and we laughed together.
Thankyou for your advice, i will take it on board, and for taking the time to reply.
Love Sparkling Wine xx

Hello again, and I know exactly what you mean about being good, and patiently waiting, expecting to be rewarded in due course by their reappearance! I was the same. A friend of a friend said the only way this person had coped with her mother’s death was eventually to decide she’d gone on a very long holiday and wouldn’t be coming back again.

You’re doing so well. Just take it slowly as you are doing. So great you have your brother and that he is such a kindred spirit.

 

[Norfolk Cherry]

I'm so sorry about your loss, such wise words on here. I lost my dad very suddenly and unexpectedly eight years ago yesterday. We had a difficult relationship but I the grieving was very hard. I have a thing now where I as it were, talk to him about looking after mum. I know what he would have said. Although he's died, he is still a reality to me, and this helps a lot.
I also practise lots of self care stuff like yoga, exercise, massage once a month, getting my nails done . Do try this approach as a gift from your mum.

 

[Sparkling Wine]

H

Hello again, and I know exactly what you mean about being good, and patiently waiting, expecting to be rewarded in due course by their reappearance! I was the same. A friend of a friend said the only way this person had coped with her mother’s death was eventually to decide she’d gone on a very long holiday and wouldn’t be coming back again.

You’re doing so well. Just take it slowly as you are doing. So great you have your brother and that he is such a kindred spirit.

Thankyou again, I really like the idea of imagining that Mum is on a very long holiday. I might try that. Thankyou for your kindness.
Sparkling Wine x

 

[Sparkling Wine]

I'm so sorry about your loss, such wise words on here. I lost my dad very suddenly and unexpectedly eight years ago yesterday. We had a difficult relationship but I the grieving was very hard. I have a thing now where I as it were, talk to him about looking after mum. I know what he would have said. Although he's died, he is still a reality to me, and this helps a lot.
I also practise lots of self care stuff like yoga, exercise, massage once a month, getting my nails done . Do try this approach as a gift from your mum.

Thankyou for your kind reply. I am very sorry for your loss. No matter what your relationship is like, it still leaves a huge hole when they are gone. You have to do whatever helps you to get through. There are many kind people about, who can help. I am trying to look after myself more with a regular massage and having my nails done too. I still talk to my mum on a daily basis...
Thankyou again,
Take care,
Sparkling Wine x x