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My mum at 53

natz

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
2
Dorset
hi everyone

im a newbie & very upset after 18months of tests me&the family have just been told that my mum of just 53 has dementia i did think it was a memory problem but never thought it would be so serious! im 26 and i cant take it all in so upsetting and all the help i can see where we live is for elderly people. i said i would give up my fulltime job to care for my mum but my dad says i have to carry on & that he is home to care for mum my dad retired at 50 which is such a great help although i would do anything for my mum i need to at least work parttime. i really dont know how i will get through it i try to be strong for my mum&dad but i know she can see the upset in my eyes. i wish it was me that was ill and not my mum.

natz xxxx
 

nicetotalk

Registered User
Sep 22, 2006
155
stretford
Hi natz

I am so very very sorry to hear about your mum my mum was 54 when she was diagnozed. It is an emotional rolercoaster and all you can do as a family is take one day at a time. My dad looked after my mum and we as a family helped out when we could. Its difficult i know and peopl;e on here understand iam knew to this site as well and i find it helpful.

Any time you need a chat or advice just come on here and someone will answer your question or concern best they can.

Take care you and your family.

kathy
 
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Bets

Registered User
Aug 11, 2005
100
South-East London, UK
Welcome to TP Natz,

My husband, who was 80 yesterday, has dementia, so my situation is not the same as yours, but I just wanted to reply to your post and say that you will find a lot of advice and support here and there are people who are in a similar position to yourself who will be able to give constructive help. Dementia is a hard road for the sufferer and the carer but at least you know you are not alone on the journey.

Bets
 

Amy

Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
3,453
Hiya Natz,
Welcome to TP - you have joined one very special family here.
My mum showed early signs of dementia in her late 50's; hers has progressed slowly; she is 74 now,but very poorly.
Natz, I think of us all making our own journey through life, encountering our own joys and our own pains. I am sure that you have been through tough times, and mum and dad have been there for you. They couldn't stop you hurting, but they loved you and walked alongside. That is what you have to do for them. Your dad has made it clear that he is prepared to care for mum; they will need your support, but they will both want you to live your life.
Natz, make the most of the time that you have with mum. If you haven't got a camera, get one, and record all the good times that you are going to have - because you are; there are still family times ahead, where you will laugh together. Things are going to change - but your mum will always be your mum. It will hurt; you are going to shed a lot of tears - but you need not cry alone, not if you have a computer. TP is an excellent source of information, and people who understand and care.
Take care.
Love Helen
 

katherine

Registered User
Sep 5, 2006
57
hello

Hello there
My mum was diagnosed about three years ago and she was 56. We were so devestated too. It was such a shock and it felt like nothing would ever feel normal again and we would always be living under a cloud. But although there are still very hard times, on the whole it has got so much easier. Time being the healer I think. There is help out there. It just seems to take time to find it. A hero of an occupational therapist who we stumbled upon at a meeting for younger people with alzheimers was our saviour! She has sorted out all sorts of care. Just keep asking questions and looking for help.
You might feel right now that you should give up work, but don't rush into anything. In time it'll be clear to you how much you need to do to feel at peace with yourself. Think too of what your mum would want. She might want you to keep on with your work. There's also guilt with all of this - feeling that you should do more, but over time you will work out what is right for you. I think making sure you still have some sort of mum/daughter relationship is really important. because you still need her and she needs to be there for you.
I hope i don't sound preachy or anything. I'm no expert but for me things have got better by finding and accepting all the help we could, and by following my heart about how much i should and could do myself.
Lots of love to you
Katherine
 

natz

Registered User
Sep 27, 2006
2
Dorset
thanks so very much for everyone who has replied means alot to me i dont feel so alone ive cried loads this week! i know i have to try & carry on a normal life but it is so hard i just hope my mum will improve a bit when the specialist gets her onto medication i hope it will slow things down so with have many more years together even though she has been diagnoised she is still well in herself.

thanks everyone for the support

natz xxxxxx
 

zak

Registered User
Sep 29, 2006
9
hi natz


i have just read your story and i understand your situation, my dad was 70 when we had suspicions if his dementia. and like you i got really upset and still do. its hard but you have to try and keep your own thing going as well.. i dont work at the moment and feel guilty at the thought of doing anything other than visit dad, but in the end you could make yourself poorly like myself and you dont want that.. try and carryone with your life but you can still be there for your mum
 

Loulou

Registered User
Jul 22, 2005
17
Hi Natz.
This is the first reply posting i have made BUT after reading your post I just felt I had to - Probably not experienced enough in the whole dementia thing to even comment BUT just wanted you to know that you aren't alone.
If you are anything like me you will have days (sometimes weeks) of crying - but like everyone has said you mum will also still be here for good times too.
This is such a cruel illness !!
I have now been dealing with this for in excess of 2/3 years - can't even remember exactly when it all started. In the beginning I wouldn't accept any help / advice from anybody BUT here I am now ... mum in respite care for 2 weeks (something I swore I would never do) - works being completed on the house to enable her to stay at home (good job she isn't here actually because it is soooo noisy !!).
I am also considering giving up work to look after mum - not sure I can financially though.
You and your family will be OK - Just try to stick together - this illness has a tendency to make or break relationships.
I wish you and all of your family the best.
Loulou
x