my mother has early stage vascular dimentia

[tomsonh12]

well here goes, as this is so hard to write please excuse the errors. as my mother was told she had the above just over 2 months ago , as we are a family of seven four of us were taking turns on her care up until two weeks ago i had went on holiday and agreed that my sister would look after her until i returned yesterday as i am so close to my mother i thought i would agree with my sister that it would be best that my mother lived at her house for the two weeks until i returned yesterday, well i returned home yesterday and called my sister to find out how my mother was well no one answered so i called my mothers mobile to wich she answered so i said hi mum were are u she said she was with my sister and i asked to talk to my sister then she hung up so i tried calling back and no answer at this point i called another sister who then called my mother to ask were she was and my mother said she was in the house waiting on me to come collect her so my sister called me back and told me she was at my sisters who had been watching her and she was waiting on me to come collect her so instead of calling my mothers mobile i went to my sisters house were she was ment to be living only to get no answer so i called my mothers mobile and no answer so i called my other sister back and she tried her mobile and no answer , so as time went on i got a call from one of my sisters saying that mum was put in emergency respite two hours earlier by my sister who she was ment to be living with till i got back from holiday , so i said to my sister u having a laugh she said no so i called around as the sister who my mother was living with would not answer her phone ,next i got a call from my mum saying when are u cumming to get me so i asked her were she was and she just said in the house so i said to her il be up soon to get u, so i called around and found the place were she was and i spoke to them and they confirmed that my sister and younger brother brought my mum in , so i told them il be rite up to get my mother ,wen i got there the lady came out and said i would not be able to see my mother as my sister told them i was not aloud to see her and thats that then thi told them no one has power of eterny and then she asked me to hold on then she came back with the social work on the phone saying that my sister had enough of her and that no one was aloud to see her so the drama started and they called the police i told the police the could not refuse to let me see my mother so u could imagine i was sent on my little way well thismorning i got a call from social work andw e started talking and she confirmed what my sister had done so i asked wen did she get power of eternity and she said she was not aware of anyone having that so we kept talking and agreed i would be let in today and if my mother wanted to come home with me she could as they could not hold her against her own free will, so i went just after 4:30 today and the staff came to the door and stated after lastnite we talked to your mother and we agreed that she did not want to see u .

well how can anyone do this to me after all the time i looked after her and all the things i done for my mother so u can only imagine the sadness i feel as i write this as i do not know what to do to be honest i think now its the end of the world for me

so can any one tell me wat to do were to go to get my mother back please.



Lindy xx[/QUOTE]

hi sorry taking mother shopping hairdressers out and about in general she was totaly independant about a moth before went on holiday as she lived on her own i would go up most days and my sister would go up and make her something and keep her company funnily enough she would alway go to mcdonalds wen we were out she is 78 and still got capacity this is such a nasty way this has happened , but i suspected my older sister and younger brother were plotting something but was sure i mite have known letting her stay in my older sisters was to good to be true as they were getting bored going to mums house as sometimes they would never appear familys are such nasty people wen they cant be bothered with there own mother

 

[karaokePete]

Hello @tomsonh12, you are welcome here.

That situation must be terrible for you. If your mother has capacity I don't think the Respite Home or the SW will do much for you.

Having said that, I'm not an expert and don't have experience of this type of situation. I think it would be best if you spoke to the experts on the help line and the details are
National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

 

[Lindy50]

Hi @tomsonh12 and welcome to TP

Oh my goodness, this sounds like a terrible situation for you - your despair on returning home from holiday to find your mum in a care home is very clear and totally understandable. I agree with @karaokePete - it is a good idea to speak to someone on the helpline as there may be complex issues involved.

You don't give a picture of your mum's condition or of the type of care she needs. What were you doing for her before you went on holiday? If you can try to think about this, it may help the helpline to help you.

Sending you my very best wishes. I hope you get to see your mum soon.

(((Hugs)))

Lindy xx

 

[Amethyst59]

I wonder if you could get in touch with the social worker who phoned you and ask her to accompany you to visit your mother? I cannot imagine the staff at the home would refuse entry to her, thoug if your mother has capacity and is refusing to see you, you are in a very difficult position.

 

[Lindy50]

well here goes, as this is so hard to write please excuse the errors. as my mother was told she had the above just over 2 months ago , as we are a family of seven four of us were taking turns on her care up until two weeks ago i had went on holiday and agreed that my sister would look after her until i returned yesterday as i am so close to my mother i thought i would agree with my sister that it would be best that my mother lived at her house for the two weeks until i returned yesterday, well i returned home yesterday and called my sister to find out how my mother was well no one answered so i called my mothers mobile to wich she answered so i said hi mum were are u she said she was with my sister and i asked to talk to my sister then she hung up so i tried calling back and no answer at this point i called another sister who then called my mother to ask were she was and my mother said she was in the house waiting on me to come collect her so my sister called me back and told me she was at my sisters who had been watching her and she was waiting on me to come collect her so instead of calling my mothers mobile i went to my sisters house were she was ment to be living only to get no answer so i called my mothers mobile and no answer so i called my other sister back and she tried her mobile and no answer , so as time went on i got a call from one of my sisters saying that mum was put in emergency respite two hours earlier by my sister who she was ment to be living with till i got back from holiday , so i said to my sister u having a laugh she said no so i called around as the sister who my mother was living with would not answer her phone ,next i got a call from my mum saying when are u cumming to get me so i asked her were she was and she just said in the house so i said to her il be up soon to get u, so i called around and found the place were she was and i spoke to them and they confirmed that my sister and younger brother brought my mum in , so i told them il be rite up to get my mother ,wen i got there the lady came out and said i would not be able to see my mother as my sister told them i was not aloud to see her and thats that then thi told them no one has power of eterny and then she asked me to hold on then she came back with the social work on the phone saying that my sister had enough of her and that no one was aloud to see her so the drama started and they called the police i told the police the could not refuse to let me see my mother so u could imagine i was sent on my little way well thismorning i got a call from social work andw e started talking and she confirmed what my sister had done so i asked wen did she get power of eternity and she said she was not aware of anyone having that so we kept talking and agreed i would be let in today and if my mother wanted to come home with me she could as they could not hold her against her own free will, so i went just after 4:30 today and the staff came to the door and stated after lastnite we talked to your mother and we agreed that she did not want to see u .

well how can anyone do this to me after all the time i looked after her and all the things i done for my mother so u can only imagine the sadness i feel as i write this as i do not know what to do to be honest i think now its the end of the world for me

so can any one tell me wat to do were to go to get my mother back please.



Lindy xx

hi sorry taking mother shopping hairdressers out and about in general she was totaly independant about a moth before went on holiday as she lived on her own i would go up most days and my sister would go up and make her something and keep her company funnily enough she would alway go to mcdonalds wen we were out she is 78 and still got capacity this is such a nasty way this has happened , but i suspected my older sister and younger brother were plotting something but was sure i mite have known letting her stay in my older sisters was to good to be true as they were getting bored going to mums house as sometimes they would never appear familys are such nasty people wen they cant be bothered with there own mother[/QUOTE]
Hello again @tomsonh12
I think it's important to establish what exactly happened while you were away. It's not easy to get someone into respite. There are costs involved, for a start. Is she paying privately, do you know? Does she have the money for this? Or do you think that she would need help with the fees? If so, a social worker would have had to do an assessment and have decided that your mum (and your sister) needed respite. I do mean needed, not just wanted it because they were bored or fed up. It doesn't normally work like that.
Is it possible that your mum had a downturn while you were away? Step changes are common in vascular dementia, or she may have had an infection? I think you need much more information.
Lastly, is it your understanding that your mum will be returning to her own home after respite? If so, when? Is her place rented or does she own it? All these things are very important when it comes to organising care.

I hope you've managed to speak to someone about all tnis

All the best

Lindy xx

 

[tomsonh12]

well here goes, as this is so hard to write please excuse the errors. as my mother was told she had the above just over 2 months ago , as we are a family of seven four of us were taking turns on her care up until two weeks ago i had went on holiday and agreed that my sister would look after her until i returned yesterday as i am so close to my mother i thought i would agree with my sister that it would be best that my mother lived at her house for the two weeks until i returned yesterday, well i returned home yesterday and called my sister to find out how my mother was well no one answered so i called my mothers mobile to wich she answered so i said hi mum were are u she said she was with my sister and i asked to talk to my sister then she hung up so i tried calling back and no answer at this point i called another sister who then called my mother to ask were she was and my mother said she was in the house waiting on me to come collect her so my sister called me back and told me she was at my sisters who had been watching her and she was waiting on me to come collect her so instead of calling my mothers mobile i went to my sisters house were she was ment to be living only to get no answer so i called my mothers mobile and no answer so i called my other sister back and she tried her mobile and no answer , so as time went on i got a call from one of my sisters saying that mum was put in emergency respite two hours earlier by my sister who she was ment to be living with till i got back from holiday , so i said to my sister u having a laugh she said no so i called around as the sister who my mother was living with would not answer her phone ,next i got a call from my mum saying when are u cumming to get me so i asked her were she was and she just said in the house so i said to her il be up soon to get u, so i called around and found the place were she was and i spoke to them and they confirmed that my sister and younger brother brought my mum in , so i told them il be rite up to get my mother ,wen i got there the lady came out and said i would not be able to see my mother as my sister told them i was not aloud to see her and thats that then thi told them no one has power of eterny and then she asked me to hold on then she came back with the social work on the phone saying that my sister had enough of her and that no one was aloud to see her so the drama started and they called the police i told the police the could not refuse to let me see my mother so u could imagine i was sent on my little way well thismorning i got a call from social work andw e started talking and she confirmed what my sister had done so i asked wen did she get power of eternity and she said she was not aware of anyone having that so we kept talking and agreed i would be let in today and if my mother wanted to come home with me she could as they could not hold her against her own free will, so i went just after 4:30 today and the staff came to the door and stated after lastnite we talked to your mother and we agreed that she did not want to see u .

well how can anyone do this to me after all the time i looked after her and all the things i done for my mother so u can only imagine the sadness i feel as i write this as i do not know what to do to be honest i think now its the end of the world for me

so can any one tell me wat to do were to go to get my mother back please.



Lindy xx

hi sorry taking mother shopping hairdressers out and about in general she was totaly independant about a moth before went on holiday as she lived on her own i would go up most days and my sister would go up and make her something and keep her company funnily enough she would alway go to mcdonalds wen we were out she is 78 and still got capacity this is such a nasty way this has happened , but i suspected my older sister and younger brother were plotting something but was sure i mite have known letting her stay in my older sisters was to good to be true as they were getting bored going to mums house as sometimes they would never appear familys are such nasty people wen they cant be bothered with there own mother[/QUOTE]




well first of all id like to thank all the people who responded to me but the best news is my mother is home now were she belongs as she managed to tell the care home she needed to see me tonite it was important , so i went up i explained to her if she wanted to come home she would have to tell them that was her wish so she did , well it sounded easy but it wasnt the care home contacted the police and my little brother and my sister but once the police arrived they said if that was her wish then she could go with me so she did and the police helped pack all her stuff and helped her in the car for me as my brother was screaming and shouting along with my sister to no avail for them so i just laughed at them as we left my mother turned around and said to me imagine i done everything for him , and i said to my mum yes and theres the thanx u got from themso now i am at rest no more worries about her .

 

[DeMartin]

Glad to hear your mum is back with you.
Now you must find out how to prevent this happening again. Please do as other posters have advised, find out you and your mum’s rights and get them official. Best Wishes, hope you slept better.