1. susieb

    susieb Registered User

    Apr 16, 2006
    Wondered if anyone would like to join me in saying what the one thing about AD that worries us - but I can't narrow it down to one. At the risk of boring you, or making everyone feel depressed - here's a selection

    my mum might die before I see her next time
    she might live for ten years like this
    I'm not taking enough care of her
    Respite home might not be caring for her properly
    She might understand more than we think she does
    Its the medication causing the problems and she's alright really
    If we stop the medication she might get irreversibly worse
    I never really made her understand how much I loved her
    I never shared all of the things with her that I would have liked to
  2. Blue_Gremlin

    Blue_Gremlin Registered User

    Mar 15, 2006
    Morecambe, UK
    My two-peneth (for now)

    I agree with most of what you said susie, but here's a couple more

    thinking that what you are doing is for the best but not KNOWING for certain
    damaging their dignity and privacy in the name of 'helping' them

  3. rummy

    rummy Registered User

    Jul 15, 2005
    That my Mom will see this illness to the bitter end and have all the disabilities that go along with it. I pray God will be merciful and take her before she has to go into a nursing home. The Mom I know would want to be at her own house until she dies.
  4. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Had she forgiven me for the hurts I had caused her; did she realise how much I loved her?
  5. dmc

    dmc Registered User

    Mar 13, 2006
    My worry is that were shovelling all this medication down my mums throat everyday and that she dosent really need it are the doctors 100% that she has dementia or is it just the brain damage caused by the heart attack, was she suffering only from depression when we had her admitted to hospital?
    when she was well, i promised her i'd never let her suffer, will she ever forgive me now ive let her down.
  6. calamityjane

    calamityjane Registered User

    Apr 13, 2006
    My worse fear is i will be unable to look after my mother at home i know she would hate to go into a nurseing home ( as she has told me as much over the years makeing me promise this would never happen to her )yet as i have my handicapped brother also with all his needs also to look after ,to be honest as the illness progresses being realistic i can see no other option ,i do hope i find the strength from some where but it will on depend on how the illness goes.
  7. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    What an excellent idea for a thread susieb.

    I think I'd agree with all of the ones on your list. Plus:

    I ought to have somehow realised what was happening to dad sooner and got help sooner and done something, anything (I really don't know what) differently so it wouldn't be this way.

    And also, rather perversely, that dad gets a whole lot better and is able to come home ......... only to find that I've cleared half his house out and turned it upside down. Obviously I'd be delighted if he were better and able to come home. But I've felt under pressure to DO SOMETHING with the house, if only to pay his nursing home fees. But not felt really I have any right to do it. After all it's his stuff not mine that I'm clearing out. And I have the occasional horror (or is it really a useless hope) that he will come home at some point :(
  8. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I had to say that I am sure there is nothing you could have said or done to change the course of events. I'm also sure that your dad is lucky to have you.

    Now, if I could only make myself believe the same things about me and my mum, we'd have the guilt monster sorted :eek:
  9. Norman

    Norman Registered User

    Oct 9, 2003
    Birmingham Hades
    That I can live long enough to see my wife through this awful illness and too ensure that she has every care to the end.
  10. jan.

    jan. Registered User

    Apr 19, 2006
    Cheshire, UK.
    Sorry Dad!

    I would like to ask dad for his forgiveness to my intolerance of this frustrating illness, my levels being well exacerbated today!!!

  11. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    I have to say that you have nearly made me cry - and me a hard woman! That is the true meaning of love, and your wife is so lucky to have you.

    Take care Norman. :)
  12. Amy

    Amy Registered User

    Jan 4, 2006
    Ditto to Noelphobics comment.
  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006

    That my main worry .
  14. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Maybe as you say it to me I can say it back to you ..... and between us we can get the guilt monster at least to a point where he's thinking of backing off a bit ;)


  15. Dave W

    Dave W Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    Have to agree with Aine

    The whole house thing. About to sort out about letting Mum's house, so there's income to cover gap between her existing income and home fees, so capital doesn't get eaten. Have pretty much cleared the house, which she loved dearly even when she swore blind she'd been dumped there by strangers in the night and she didn't recognise it. (That delusion seems to have stopped: now all I'm getting is "I want to go back to my little house and walk my dog on the river bank"), Have put off visiting tonight as have abcess on jaw and infection on feet (run down too far, so now on anti-bios) and jut can't face possibly on another difficult visit (they'd been good, but the last one was dreadful).

    So I guess my other main worry is when the next better day is going to appear. They're feeling a bit thinly scattered the last couple of weeks.
  16. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006

    My mum's house has stood empty for various reasons since my dad died 18 month ago. It is now not likely to be sold during my mum's lifetime as her care home fees would instantly increase by £125 per week as she would become self funded rather than on deferred payments :eek:

    My niece is away at uni and when her and her fiance come home they are going to live there for a while which will be strange.

    I hope you're feeling better soon Dave.
  17. noelphobic

    noelphobic Registered User

    Feb 24, 2006
    Sounds like a good deal to me :D

    My sister and I went to the nursing home last night for a meeting with a social worker (long story, maybe will post on it!). When we arrived my mum was in tears and when she calmed down enough to tell us what was wrong she said it was 'because Brenda doesn't come to see me'! I pointed out that I was there and had visited her 3 out of the previous 4 days. I'm glad I had or the guilt monster would have crucified me :eek:
  18. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    These people who don't visit are a real menace :D My dad confided in me the other day that the thing that really upsets him is that none of my brothers have been to visit him. There could be all sorts of reasons for that ..... but the main one is that I'm an only child and don't HAVE any brothers :eek:
  19. Áine

    Áine Registered User

    Hope you feel better soon Dave. Seem to be running along parallel lines with your story. I was going to sell dad's house, but now wondering about whether I might be able to let it to fill some of the gap between dad's pension and the nh fees. I've also done nothing but be ill with various bugs since dad started to be really ill towards the end of last year.


  20. Dave W

    Dave W Registered User

    Jul 3, 2005
    Hi Aine

    I remember one of the NH staff saying when we were visig before Mum moved in "The hard thing for them is that they don't know understand what'happening to them; the hard thing for us is that we do". I think she had a very good point.

    When the giddy whirl settles for long enough to do it, I'm drawing up my own health plan. The stress of the last few months (and in the last year I've also moved house, moved in with my partner, been made redundant and started a new job - just a few major stresses then) has really knocked me for six. For the first few months with Mum I couldn't think straight. It all really started to become obvious something was really wrong just before I lost my last job, and the two events together took all the stuffing out of me. Now she's in the home and one struggle is over, I'm not as shocked or mentally fogged, but the body is definitely struggling. Rest cures needed, methinks.

    Just about to serve dinnerbut I think I might start a 'small ideas to tackle stress' thread over in the Tea Room. What do you reckon?

    Hope your evening is going well, and your tomorrow will be a better day.


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