My lovely mum passed away

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by sarahc, Jun 24, 2007.

  1. sarahc

    sarahc Registered User

    Apr 4, 2004
    Dear all, my lovely mum passed away on June 11th. I (as an only child and with father having passed away 3 years ago) had to make some horrendous decisions but I think they were for the best.

    I was in Mali, West Africa (where I now live) and she was in her fabulous care home in the northwest. They phoned me and said she was very ill and I had to come back. I managed to do Bamako-Paris- Manchester (not a route well travelled I imagine ! ) and go there by 10.00am the next morning. She was extremely weak from dysphagia (inability to swallow) which has been going on for several months) and , to cut a long story short, had pneumonia. With the GP we decided that it was best not to intervene - she was skeletal, weak, semi-conscious and could not swallow even liquid medicines. It was an horrendous decision but I was well supported by the GP, the carers and especially by the Methodist Home's Chaplain who sat up every night with me for 4 nights. Mum finally passed away in a haze of morphine delivered by the district nurses so she was at least comfortable..I talked and talked to her and told her to think about nice things such as sunsets over a fishing village where we used to see in France. To be honest I felt relief once she had passed as this long and terrible journey was over. I know she is at peace and I feel I have regained my own stability a little. The cremation was last Wednesday - it was a lovely celebration of the life someone who only knew how to give. I asked for the donations at mum's funeral to go the the AS and to be earmarked for research so we can stop this horrible disease in its tracks.

    I can't thank you enough for all your help and support over the years - I see old names disappear as their relatives pass away and new names appear - I guess that is part of 'life's rich tapestry' as they say . I will pop in occasionally to see what you all are up to but I can't tell you what this group has meant to me even if didn't contribute much.

    Anyway, I am back in Africa now and have been warmly welcomed and looked after by many people who do not have such taboos regarding death as we do - it helps alot believe me !
    With love to you all, Sarah C
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Dear Sarah, I would like to offer my deepest sympathy and sincere condolences on the death of your mother.

    I`m sure you are pleased you were able to be with her when she died, and are now relieved her suffering is over.

    Take care
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    Dear Sarah
    My deepest sympathy for your loss. It's so difficult to find the right words to say at this time, if there are any right words. However, I am so glad you were able to make it back in time, and that her passing was peaceful, and that you feel you have regained some measure of stability.


  4. jeanierec

    jeanierec Registered User

    May 7, 2007
    north yorkshire

    I`m so sorry to hear about your Mum .

    Don`t know what else to say that would be of any comfort to you except I`m sure she knew she was loved and that you know you were loved and in that you were both very lucky.

    God bless you both.

    Jeanie x x
  5. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    Dear Sarah
    So Sorry, to hear of the loss of your mum. Thinking of you. Taffy.
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Sarah dear, so sad to read about your dear mum. At least she is at peace now.

    Thank you for taking the time to let us know. Thinking of you, as always.
  7. Gill W

    Gill W Registered User

    Jan 31, 2007
    Co. Durham
    Deepest sympathy and lots of love to you Sarah,

    You were with her when it mattered and she'll have taken that knowledge with her.

    Take care of yourself and your loved ones.

  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    SW Scotland
    Dear Sarah

    So sorry to hear of the death of your mum. You did well to be able to get to her so quickly, and I'm sure she knew you were there, even if she didn't appear conscious.

    I'm glad you had such tremendous support, both at the home and back in Mali. Take care of yourself now, and come back and see us whenever you have the opportunity.

  9. Kathleen

    Kathleen Registered User

    Mar 12, 2005
    West Sussex

    Sorry to hear about the death of your Mum, at least she is at peace now.

    I'm glad you spent her last few days with her too and have got lots of support round you now.

    Take care of yourself.

  10. MillyP

    MillyP Registered User

    Jan 5, 2007
    Thinking of you at this sad time..R.I.P. xxx
  11. sarahc

    sarahc Registered User

    Apr 4, 2004

    Thanks for all your kind words . It really means a lot to me. I am soo grateful to you all at Talking Point - it has really been a lifeline for me. Do keep in touch - I will continue to check in !
    Much love, Sarah xx
  12. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Thinking of you at this sad time. Glad to hear your community at home in Africa are such a support. Take care of yourself.
  13. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    North Derbyshire

    I don't know what Reply With Quote means, and I don't know if this is getting to you, but it sounds to me very lovely that you were lucky enough to be with your mum at the end, and lovely to talk about fishing villages and sunsets, and it makes me sad that there will be nothing I can talk to my mum about when it comes to her time.

    Remember those special moments. Much love.



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