My Granpa has now been in a home 6 weeks.

[genethig]

My granpa was living at home by himself, 40 minutes away. He did not and will still accept help. He has days where he packs his bag expecting to go home. He gets very angry with my Dad especially as he sees him as the one taking away his independence.
He appears to be one of the more capable people in the home but when he was at home he would forget to take his tablets, the house would be a mess and food would be out of date. I believe he is in the best place as most of the family now see him twice a week, if not more and he is kept busy more so than being in a 3 bedroom home by himself with the curtains always closed.
What can we do to make sure we have made the right decision?

 

[Quilty]

I think if you read your post the answer is already there. You need to remember the reasons the family decided to put him into 24hr care - to make sure he was safe.

He might start to enjoy the company and the chance to go into the garden etc.

Make a list of the reasons and put it on the fridge where you can see it. You are feeling guilty but you should not - it would be so unloving to do nothing.

 

[stanleypj]

I agree with Quilty - the answers are in your post.

Many people eventually settle into a care home eventually. It does take some of them a long time. It's a good idea to check with the staff how he is when your family are not there. Sometimes, people behave differently then.

From the evidence of TP, it's almost impossible to avoid some feeling of guilt when someone in the family has to go into a care home. But everybody knows that it's often unavoidable.

 

[Bod]

Take comfort, from the fact you, and your family have given him the best care you could.
It is difficult, many of us have been there.

Bod

 

[Bod]

Take comfort, from the fact you, and your family have given him the best care you could.
It is difficult, many of us have been there.

Bod

 

[genethig]

We are at the point of selling his house to pay for care

I think I am over thinking it at the moment, as we are at a point where we need to start sorting out his house to sell and this will be the last time to change our minds.
He talks about the house so much, that I just don't know how to tell him we are going to sell it. Any advice or experience in doing this would be much appreciated.

 

[Quilty]

My advice would be not to tell him. It serves no purpose. Love lies are what they are called. We do it to keep them safe and happy.

I told Mum she could go home when the doctor said she was better. She was never going to get better.

I emptied her house single handed so I sympathise. It was very hard.
X
Quilty

 

[Chemmy]

My mum wore her winter coat and carried a handbag as she marched around the CH for the first six months. It can take a while but in the end, the vast majority settle. I knew in my heart of hearts there was no going back.

As the others have said, the reasons why he is in there are still the same as before. As Quilty suggests, perhaps you could write them out (pros and cons) to remind yourselves when doubts creep in.

 

[canary]

I wouldnt tell him about his house either. For a while mum asked about her home and I just said it was the same as ever. Well it was - its just that she didnt own it anymore

Its horrible having to sell the home as it feels like you are going behind their back and everything becomes so final. I think you know in your heart, though, that there is no going back.