My Dearest Beautiful Rarest Rose Mum has passed

Sasha46

New member
Jun 17, 2019
8
I have lost my most Beautiful Rarest Rose, My Mum, My Whole World. On the 25th of May 2019 at 1.03 am. How do I cope? How do I move on? I wasn't even caring for my Mum every day. My youngest sister and brother cared for mum 24/7. I should have, could have made more time. Shared more time, been at my Mums side more. Her dementia frightened me... she would cry when she saw me and knew who I was at first. Then shortly after she wouldn't recognise me. Thought I was an imposter! It hurt me so much. I left knowing my youngest sister would care for her. How wrong it was to even think that and do that! I should have done more. Now im living with the guilt
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,111
N Ireland
Hello @Sasha46 I want to let you know that you are welcome here, even though such circumstances bring you to the forum. Please accept my condolences for your loss.

Guilt is something that many of us feel as no matter what we do there is often the feeling that we haven’t done enough. It has to be said that not everyone can deal with dementia all the time and even those who think they can will often find that they have a limit in the end.

Please use the forum to express your feelings as the people here will understand and you will get support. Also, don’t be afraid to talk to your GP as he/she may be able to assist you at this time. If you feel that talking to someone else will assist you there are various helplines available and the details are

Samaritans: Call 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org

Open 24 hours, 365 days a year

Age UK: Call 0800 169 2081

Open 8am-7pm, 365 days a year

Dementia UK: Call 0800 888 66 78 or email direct@dementiauk.org

Mind: Call 0300 123 3393, email info@mind.org.uk or text 86463

I hope that, in time, you can find peace with yourself.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
374
Mid Lincs
I'm so sorry for your loss Sasha46.

Pleae don't feel guilty, we all have our limits to what we can and cannot do or bear. You are grieving, give yourself time, remember the joy and laughter and love you shared with your mum in past.

Sending you hugs......
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,013
Scotland
Perhaps one way to assuage the guilt is to be as helpful as you can be to your sister and brother who did the hands on caring. I dare say they are feeling a bit careworn as most of the carers on here will acknowledge.
 

stockport1965

Registered User
Sep 27, 2016
132
stockport
Hi Sasha. My mum also died on May 25th.
In some ways we have similar circumstances. I live 150 miles away from my parents and my sisters were doing nearly all the care. I too feel guilty, wished I had gone more to see her, however with work and money, it is hard.
Sending hugs
 

Sasha46

New member
Jun 17, 2019
8
Thank you all for your condolences, support and kind words. Its comforting to know that what I am feeling and thinking in my head is what most of you who have kindly replied to my post are going through or have shared the same experience. It doesnt make it easier but I now realise this is the grieving process. I have never faced loss of anyone as close as my mum. Everyday is a struggle desling with all the times I could have spent more time with my mum and helping my little sister and brother.

Marianq, yes.. my sister needs all the support as she was my mums carer and this has turned her workd completely upside down. Im praying thst God gives me the strength I need to be strong for my sister and family and to be there for them.

Stockport1965 So sorry for your loss. I also had issues financially which did play a huge part in not able to be help with mums care.

Thank you all for your kind words and support

Sasha
 

Sasha46

New member
Jun 17, 2019
8
Hi Sasha. My mum also died on May 25th.
In some ways we have similar circumstances. I live 150 miles away from my parents and my sisters were doing nearly all the care. I too feel guilty, wished I had gone more to see her, however with work and money, it is hard.
Sending hugs
 

Sasha46

New member
Jun 17, 2019
8
Im so sorry for your loss. I too had financial difficulties. I can't help thinking I could have done more.