Mums slipping away from reality now

Discussion in 'Middle - later stages of dementia' started by Quilty, Feb 9, 2016.

  1. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Hello,

    Mums been in CH since April last year. We were both very happy with the choice and care - Mum even told me that thankfully. We had an eventful Christmas however and not in a good way. My invisible sister turned up on Boxing day and took my mother home to her house. I had already agreed with the staff to visit and leave her in the CH as talking about Christmas was making her anxious.

    Anyway, last visit from sister was in April so I never imagined she would do this. Mum was in bed for 4 days after boxing day, constantly falling and very confused. The last bad fall led to a trip to A&E and a cracked rib. She also had a chest infection and urine infection. Its never really got better from that point. She now hates the care home, hates me, thinks I stole her house and all her things. She thinks she is living in a pub.

    Since last week her conversation is no longer in the "now". She is rabbling, seeing things and no longer "here". Its so sad to watch. She is also loosing weight rapidly despite all attempts by the staff. She had 2 falls yesterday in the space of one hour. On the first one the carer saw her stagger backwards and put himself between her and the floor to protect her as much as he could. When he told me that I was so touched.

    This is such a terrible disease. God bless all walking this journey with me. I don't think my mum will see another summer.
    Love Quilty
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    Quilty, I am so sorry that you and your Mum are having such a difficult time. The carers sound as though they are really lovely. Thinking of you xxxxx
     
  3. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    I am lucky to have such a great care home and in my mums home village. One of the neighbours kids works there now and keeps an "extra eye" on her too. All the residents are loved.
     
  4. cragmaid

    cragmaid Registered User

    Oct 18, 2010
    7,942
    North East England
    I got to the stage with my Mum where I was praying that she couldn't suffer another summer. I wonder if it's worth asking for a hospital bed so that she can be held in to prevent falling at night?
     
  5. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    She has just been mived to a new bed but trues to climb out. Its set almost on the floor with an alarmed crash mat beside it. They can raise and lower it to get her in and out. She still wants to walk and can still walk but lets go of the tripod sometimes. She is now kept in the monitored lounge but hates the restrictions. Her short term memory is now a couple of minutes. This woman was dancing at the christmas party. Its scary how fast this goes.
     
  6. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    563
    My heartfelt sympathy to you Quilty, and to your dear Mum, I think watching a loved one's deterioration, especially when so rapid, is truly heartbreaking. Even worse that all of this was preceded by the unwelcome, and unwise actions of your sister. I hope that your Mum suffers no more falls - how wonderful of the carer to act in the way he did - and that she becomes more peaceful and settled again.

    Big hugs to you Quilty.
     
  7. beverrino

    beverrino Registered User

    Jan 12, 2015
    1,111
    really sorry to read this Quilty, its so sad that the actions of others can have such a negative effect.
    I wish you and your mum well. sounds a lovely care home. take care
     
  8. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Thanks to all for your kind words. It helps to know that we dont walk alone. Love to all.
     
  9. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,619
    USA
    Quilty, I'm so very sorry to hear about your mum's condition. This must be so upsetting and distressing for you. I also hope she is able to settle and not be agitated. It does sound like a good place with kind and caring staff.

    Will be thinking of you and your mum.
     
  10. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,814
    Female
    South coast
    Im so sorry quilty - its always hard when there is a downturn.
    xx
     
  11. Otiruz

    Otiruz Registered User

    Nov 28, 2015
    255
    Kent
    I find it very reassuring to know so many of us are linked through our love for the people who are suffering from this terrible disease. I drove home from the hospital after visiting my Mum and cried at the seemingly sudden deterioration. Mum and I are somewhere in the middle of this journey, yet reading so many posts I realise that we both have a long way to go. I cannot see anything to recommend the very lonely feeling of not coping, the guilt and the pain. You really are not alone even though it feels as if you are. My friends are wonderfully supportive but it is only people who are living with the disease who truly understand the power it has over everyone. I often feel as if I will never smile again. I know I will and so will you.
     
  12. Quilty

    Quilty Registered User

    Aug 28, 2014
    1,051
    GLASGOW
    Thank you and i understand how you feel. I lost my Dad to cancer 20 years ago. I felt that i could never be happy again but i have had many happy days. My dad would have wanted me to have a happy life. Our mums would want the same for us. Im a mum and know this is true.
     
  13. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    308
    Hello there Quilty - I just wanted to say no you are not alone, as you are finding on this wonderful forum. Its so so hard watching your loved one deteriorate and you are not able to do anything. This cruel evil illness causes so much pain to so many but hold in your heart your mum loves you and so many are here to but their virtual arms round you in support

    Big hug xxxx
     
  14. CJinUSA

    CJinUSA Registered User

    Jan 20, 2014
    1,125
    eastern USA
    Quilty, my heart goes out to you. Hard times.
     

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