Mums progression

[Kevin66]

hi guys,

My name is Kevin and mum has mid to late stage dementia. She moved into a care home last September and recently has taken another step down the dementia path.

I go and see her every day and she greats me with a smile and a wave, but I feel as she’s not there any more, when talking to her, it’s just short sentences or one word answers.

I am starting to find it difficult to cope with this horrible condition and some time the resentful feeling start to come through, when I visit.

My partner is a great support but at times, I just find it difficult to cope with my feeling when alone. I am losing my mum to dementia, and feel so sad.....

 

[Risa]

Hi Kevin66 and welcome to TP

I do understand how you feel. My Mum is still at home but so far advanced that conversations are not possible and what she does say doesn't make sense. Not sure how often you are visiting your Mum but maybe if you are going through a down patch, you could take a break from going in person and perhaps just phone instead to see how she is doing? It's great that you have a supportive partner as having someone to talk to honestly about your feelings makes such a difference.

I think anticipatory grief is something many of us here suffer with. It is very hard to see loved ones diminished by this awful disease. I feel I have been mourning my Mum for several years although she is still alive. Not sure what the answer is other than be kind to yourself and know that you can always come to TP to find someone to 'talk' to as we are all in the same boat {{{hugs}}}

 

[DeMartin]

I too have difficulty visiting mum, is yours a distance away, could you just pop in for a cuppa, visit if there’s an activity going on, it’s hard sitting there with someone who’s not with you. There is no obligation to stay for a set time, pop in, cuppa, hug, home.
One day I’ll get it right.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Kevin66
welcome to TP
I get what you mean as my dad now is hardly able to communicate and often in a world of his own, so visits are pretty quiet affairs (unless he is agitated and that's a very different kettle of fish)
it certainly brings you face to face with the fact that your parent is really present anymore
I tend to just take each day as it is, and if I get a positive reaction from dad, that's a pleasant surprise - mostly we just sit and watch TV or listen to music and take in fruit for him
might help to read these about anticipatory grief
https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/showthread.php?85774-Anticipatory-Grief
http://www.hospiceyukon.net/D_D_Anticipatory.html
and keep posting here to get things off your chest