Mum's over-feeding her dog

[Mollykin]

Hello there - i've recently joined, hello I need some help though. I am at the end of my tether. Mum has vascular dementia but still lives on her own. with her dog Jasper. My sister and myself give her wraparound care but live in our own homes. Trouble is mum's dog, Jasper. He is a 15kg dog now weight over 21kg. She just cannot see that she is over-feeding him. the vet has spoken to her and the dog has been to a weight clinic but mum knows best and won't listen. We have put up notices of what to feed him. We have changed his food to low-fat food to help, but this isn't making any difference. She actually wakes the dog up to give him more food. His main problem is that she keeps feeding him custard creams instead of his own biscuit treats. He doesn't get much exercise, mainly because my mum is 82 and can't go too far, but even so, he has absolutely no energy and is beginning to look like a little coffee table. I feel the dog needs to be taken away but i know this will break her heart, recently being widowed as well. Any ideas? I've run out of thoughts and just think the dog will end up with a heart attack. She has already said that she will have another dog when he goes!! I think not :-(

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to the forums, @SandraRose. That is a hard one. My mother used to over feed our dog and it took a fair bit of persuasion before she finally accepted it. She doesn't have dementia and that brings its own problems with understanding what is happening.
Sorry I have nothing much to offer, but others will be around with better ideas. I just wanted to say hello and to sympathise with the problems you are facing.

 

[Mollykin]

Welcome to the forums, @SandraRose. That is a hard one. My mother used to over feed our dog and it took a fair bit of persuasion before she finally accepted it. She doesn't have dementia and that brings its own problems with understanding what is happening.
Sorry I have nothing much to offer, but others will be around with better ideas. I just wanted to say hello and to sympathise with the problems you are facing.

Thank you x

 

[BluTinks]

I organised a dog walker so dog got more exercise, never stopped the over feeding though

 

[Nora12]

Hi I am jumping on this old thread, I am having same issues although I now have the dog with me. Step dad got took in hospital, he is now asking for dog back and I am worried to death because even the dog walker has declined going anymore because she thinks he shouldn't have the dog, i feel mean not taking him back but he also forgets to let dog out in garden (he started peeing in house) also the dog got out so that's dangerous for the dog ny step dad just doesn't see all these risks, it's breaking my heart.

 

[lollyc]

Hi I am jumping on this old thread, I am having same issues although I now have the dog with me. Step dad got took in hospital, he is now asking for dog back and I am worried to death because even the dog walker has declined going anymore because she thinks he shouldn't have the dog, i feel mean not taking him back but he also forgets to let dog out in garden (he started peeing in house) also the dog got out so that's dangerous for the dog ny step dad just doesn't see all these risks, it's breaking my heart.

Please don't return his dog, however mean it seems. I volunteer at a local rescue and we often get dogs in when their owners are no longer able to care for them. Many are in a truly terrible condition - not because their owners don't love them, but because they are simply no longer able to recognise, or manage their needs. I'm sure your stepdad ( in his right mind) would never want his dog to suffer.
I had to rehome my Mum's dog, aged 12 years. He went to live with a friend, where he was very much loved for another 3 years. It really was the best outcome allround.

 

[Nora12]

Please don't return his dog, however mean it seems. I volunteer at a local rescue and we often get dogs in when their owners are no longer able to care for them. Many are in a truly terrible condition - not because their owners don't love them, but because they are simply no longer able to recognise, or manage their needs. I'm sure your stepdad ( in his right mind) would never want his dog to suffer.
I had to rehome my Mum's dog, aged 12 years. He went to live with a friend, where he was very much loved for another 3 years. It really was the best outcome allround.

Thanks for your reply, I am grateful you have replied with also what is my thoughts too, it's heartbreaking, I feel sad for him as he loves he loves him so much and misses him. I love the dog too and he already had a bad start in life he was rescued from Cyprus 4 years ago and my mum died of cancer suddenly 3 month after getting him, so the dog has been great companion for him, but I feel the dog doesn't have a voice and I have dogs of my own and they all well looked after. I need to be his voice as hard as it is. Thanks again for taking the time to reply x

 

[try again]

Would he accept a toy dog? I used to have some toy cats we took fundraising. They would purr when touched, lick their paws. I actually found them quite comforting to fuss as someone who doesn't have dementia.
In fact the one I had left I gave to a local community centre that organised day care for PWD. Saw it in a recent photo on Facebook ?

 

[lollyc]

Thanks for your reply, I am grateful you have replied with also what is my thoughts too, it's heartbreaking, I feel sad for him as he loves he loves him so much and misses him. I love the dog too and he already had a bad start in life he was rescued from Cyprus 4 years ago and my mum died of cancer suddenly 3 month after getting him, so the dog has been great companion for him, but I feel the dog doesn't have a voice and I have dogs of my own and they all well looked after. I need to be his voice as hard as it is. Thanks again for taking the time to reply x

Mum accepted the rehoming of her dog quite well - maybe because she lived with me and I had 3 dogs, but mostly, I think, because caring for him had become a worry. She didn't walk him, and I suspect it was because she was afraid of getting lost , although that didn't occur to me at the time.
You are right, you need to be his voice - if he could speak I'm sure he would be very unhappy and confused by his current situation.
Can you keep him (wasn't possible for me to do this), and take him to visit your stepdad now and again? Or you may find that after the intial upset, your stepdad simply forgets about him, and it's no longer a problem.

 

[Happy Hampton]

Hello there - i've recently joined, hello I need some help though. I am at the end of my tether. Mum has vascular dementia but still lives on her own. with her dog Jasper. My sister and myself give her wraparound care but live in our own homes. Trouble is mum's dog, Jasper. He is a 15kg dog now weight over 21kg. She just cannot see that she is over-feeding him. the vet has spoken to her and the dog has been to a weight clinic but mum knows best and won't listen. We have put up notices of what to feed him. We have changed his food to low-fat food to help, but this isn't making any difference. She actually wakes the dog up to give him more food. His main problem is that she keeps feeding him custard creams instead of his own biscuit treats. He doesn't get much exercise, mainly because my mum is 82 and can't go too far, but even so, he has absolutely no energy and is beginning to look like a little coffee table. I feel the dog needs to be taken away but i know this will break her heart, recently being widowed as well. Any ideas? I've run out of thoughts and just think the dog will end up with a heart attack. She has already said that she will have another dog when he goes!! I think not :-(

This often happens with older people, but especially in PWD as we forget whether we fed the dog so when the dog asks for food we just feed them again. Same with meds, I cannot stress the importance of having someone dole out the meds daily and watch the PWD take them. We have trouble swallowing and we take a lot of meds. If you don’t watch us we will throw them away rather than take them.

 

[Happy Hampton]

Mum accepted the rehoming of her dog quite well - maybe because she lived with me and I had 3 dogs, but mostly, I think, because caring for him had become a worry. She didn't walk him, and I suspect it was because she was afraid of getting lost , although that didn't occur to me at the time.
You are right, you need to be his voice - if he could speak I'm sure he would be very unhappy and confused by his current situation.
Can you keep him (wasn't possible for me to do this), and take him to visit your stepdad now and again? Or you may find that after the intial upset, your stepdad simply forgets about him, and it's no longer a problem.

I know this is terrible but when he asks about the dog if you tell him (something) even if it’s not the truth. After a couple times he will think he just forgot and he will let it go. This is if he’s in late stages, not sure it will work on mid stage. Unfortunately, we had to tell my mil her cat passed away, then we took her cigs away and she asks a couple times so we told her she quit smoking. She’d just say I did? Ok. God bless.

 

[Sheep Lady]

Hi This is my first time on this site - I care for my mum shes 87 and has a dog that she overfeeds.
It's a tricky one we have a pot with some dog biscuits in for her to feed him but she has made him a cup of tea with them on more than one occassion.!! You can buy very realistic toy /fake dogs my mum says there is a lady at the respite centre who adores hers. They are very realistic.

 

[Grannie G]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Sheep Lady

 

[nyxwong]

Hi, i just joined this forum as my mum has mild dementia.
She is still very mobile and independent. However, she is overfeeding my mum as she is temporary staying with me for 1 year. Now i tried to bring my dog for more exercise in the morning and evening. Hope this helps.

 

[Louise7]

Hello, welcome, you'll find lots of friendly support here. Best to stop the over feeding if you can but I hope that the extra exercise is helping to keep your dog healthy

 

[nyxwong]

Hello, welcome, you'll find lots of friendly support here. Best to stop the over feeding if you can but I hope that the extra exercise is helping to keep your dog healthy

Thank you so much. ?
I am bringing her for 3 walks instead of 2 walks daily now. She likes to give my dog bread (I want to cry?)
its challenging to tell a dementia patient to stop as she keeps insist bread is good for dog!