Mum's Memory Clinic Home Visit

[LazyZog]

I don't know what i was expecting, but that wasn't it.
After they'd gone i was left thinking 'What was the point in that?'
They aren't suggesting any meds for her as they're worried about negative interactions with her COPD and heart meds, so all we're going to be left with is a report from this visit and maybe a follow up - which mum will probably refuse. She's decided she doesn't like them, that they were giving each other 'looks' as signals (she obviously didn't notice me raising my eyebrows at one point...) and that the male nurse ignored her and was more focused on me. Oh and that they knew more than they should because they knew about her brother - she mentioned him to them, called him an a-hole actually .
Anyway, she was given the MoCA (Montreal Cognitive Assessment) and scored 21 / 30 which thanks to some Googling and Guidance notes for Drs etc, i've worked out is a diagnosis. Although as its only 5 points below normal, i'm not sure whether its that of Mild Cognitive Impairment or a Dementia. We shall see.
Does anyone else feel like they need to get 'Do not argue with Dementia' tattooed on the inside of their eyelids?
I'm trying to think of a positive to end this on.
Ah yes, it was my Birthday at the start of the month & when discussing presents mum asked if i still wanted a 'piano'. What i'd actually asked for was a 'pillow' (yes so exciting!), so we had a laugh wondering how we'd get said piano upstairs and how in the world i'd sleep on it.

 

[Grannie G]

Does anyone else feel like they need to get 'Do not argue with Dementia' tattooed on the inside of their eyelids?

You`re in good company @LazyZog.

I don`t know if you`ve seen the following but it`s as good as any tattoo.

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/threads/compassionate-communication-with-the-memory-impaired.30801/

 

[Sarasa]

Oh @LazyZog that is us at the moment. Mum has a memory clinic appointment for Thursday and is refusing to go as she 'doesen't have Alzheimer's as she still showers.' Neither my brother or I have ever said that she did, just that we are worried about her and the things she thinks are happening in her flat and want to her to chat to someone else about it.
She has just spent a long time on the phone telling my husband all this and going on about the neighbours coming in and moving stuff etc etc. My husband didn't pass her on to me as he knows how fragile I am about the whole thing at the moment.
I have a horrible feeling she will only get help when it is forced on her because she has been found wandering or assaulted her neighbours.
My laugh about all this was my mum calling my brother Vince. Vince? None of us in the family are called that and I don't know that mum knows any one by that name. As for Piano/pillow does your mum have hearing problems? I'm deaf and often make that sort of mistake

 

[LazyZog]

Thanks for the link @Grannie G, printing that off would definitely hurt less than a tattoo . I think I do almost all of the don'ts at the moment, fingers crossed I can change that.

 

[LazyZog]

Bless you @Sarasa, that must be really difficult, sending virtual hugs! Very good luck for the appointment. Is there any way you could tell a white lie about where you're going, or maybe make it sound as if it's more for your mum to get the 'trouble' with the neighbours sorted? Having just re-read your reply i think that might be what you meant by her talking to someone about it, sorry! Rather sleepy. Maybe say that it's her opportunity to show the Dr's she doesn't have Alz?
Vince is a pretty obscure name as well! Maybe she knew someone called Vince earlier on in life? Or a pet...Though i don't think 'Vince' is a very pet name - imagine shouting that in a park to get your dog back!
Mum's hearing isn't brilliant, but we'd previously discussed the bday pillow as she has one and i threatened to steal it as soon as i found out how awesome it is , so she didn't mishear me.
I can sympathise with 'i don't have Alzheimers'. I have a list of mum related oddities i've been keeping for a while, that i printed for the Memory Clinic people. Mum got pretty confused about said list so i was explaining what it was and some of the things that i've written on it. Like how when asked for her Debit card's expiry date she turned it back-to-front, which is apparently easily done when you've not used the card in 13 years (she has, and corrected herself), and there was apparently a valid reason for an empty saucepan being in the middle of the lawn - bird bath maybe?
Eeek i do go on...I hope that makes a bit of sense

 

[Sarasa]

Thank you @LazyZog. What were you hoping from the visit by the memory clinic people? My husband is wondering why we are bothering, but I'm hoping that a diagnosis will enable us to get in some proper help.

 

[LazyZog]

Thank you @LazyZog. What were you hoping from the visit by the memory clinic people? My husband is wondering why we are bothering, but I'm hoping that a diagnosis will enable us to get in some proper help.

I was hoping they'd look into her meds. She's been on the same dose of the same antidepressants for years, which isnt meant to happen. I should have spoken up about that but I imagine I'd be told it needs to be taken up with her GP. Mum is worried the amount of steroids she uses has something to do with things, as the Patient Info Leaflet actually says mention any memory problems to your Dr. Mum mentioned it to the Memory Clinic Dr and it sounded like that idea was firmly shot down.
I also wanted them to give her meds to slow things down, but as I said it doesn't seem they will at this stage - if ever.
Help is a good idea, unfortunately mum is dead set against any ''strangers". I hope you have more luck with that.

 

[LazyZog]

@Sarasa good luck for today love, sending virtual hugs & strength your way.

 

[Sarasa]

@LazyZog, Thank you. We took mum to clinic without exactly saying where we were going. She then point blank refused to see the nurse practioner. Not quite sure where we go from here. We have an appointment for a scan next week that mum doesn't know about yet. Any ideas how I can sell that in a better way than the memory clinic?

 

[LazyZog]

@Sarasa I'm afraid i don't have any suggestions, other than starting a thread and seeing if anyone can help?
It transpired in conversation with Mum today, that she thinks the memory clinic Dr & Nurse are spies, who're rubbing their hands with glee that they've 'got' such a criminal (she's not, but thinks they think that due to her savings...or something). So rather than doing the washing up i popped round to a friend's to give them the washing detergent i didn't like the scent of, as ya do! .

 

[LazyZog]

Well, we had mum's memory clinic report in the post today. There was more about her personal history than how she did in the MoCA, and the usual mistake or two.
She's being discharged back to the GP with no medication and the 'possibility' of some advisor talking to me.
So what the f was the point in me pushing her to tell the GP about her memory in the first place & what happens now? Nothing?
All its done is make her more paranoid.
Ah well.
I'm going to have a party in the kitchen....
In the kitchen sink...
With the cutlery...
The washing up, i'm going to do the washing up
TTFN

 

[canary]

Do You actually have a diagnosis now @LazyZog ?
When mum was seen at the memory clinic she got her diagnosis of Alzheimers, told she couldnt have donepezil as she had a slow heart-beat and was promptly discharged! It seems to de the done thing in our area.
She did go back to the memory clinic after a change of heart medication meant that she no longer had a slow heart beat; she was prescribed donepezil and then referred back to her GP.

No, there isnt really much support is there?
Have you tried looking to see what is available in support in your area?
A diagnosis of dementia will at least help when you get to the stage of needing carers/day care/respite.

 

[Sarasa]

@LazyZog that doesn't sound very helpful. As @canary says have they actually given your mum a dementia diagnosis? I contacted the dementia hub where my mum lives and they said they couldn't do anything till we get an official diagnosis. I'm hoping that the brain scan mum had last week will be enough to give us a diagnosis. If not mum now seems more ammenable to a memory clinic visit.
If your mum is anything like mine I bet she did better at the test than she does in general day to day living and that anything she said to the memory clinic people sounded credible, even if you know it was a conflation fo various stories

 

[LazyZog]

Thank you for the replies .

@canary the front of the letter says "diagnosis: see letter" but the only promising looking heading within the letter is Mental State which mentions the MoCA test but no diagnosis.
Interestingly the front of the letter also says "this letter is the patient's care plan" so I have no idea if it's the letter that is meant to contain diagnosis info (face-palm in case that emoji doesn't work).

Support? Pahaha. I've had more helpful suggestions from a colleague and my manager than our GP.

To be fair, with mum's COPD I don't think I'd have trouble getting practicle help even without a dementia diagnosis. The problem there would be mum is dead set against it so it would cause hassle, which isn't worth it right now.


@Sarasa I've been meaning to ask how your mum's scan went, glad to hear she went!

There were a couple of things mum said to 'the spies' a.k.a the memory clinic people, that made me think 'hang on, not quite right' but looking at the mistakes on the care plan (which I've highlighted. Mum says I'm cheeky ) I don't think it matters what she said.

My feelings on it all are what was the point as all its done is add more delusional stuff. I don't know what to do & I don't want to do this anymore (which the GP didn't seem fussed about after I'd clarified I'm not going to throw myself under the nearest car).

Today's funny, I bought some new shoelaces & my colleague said she hopes I use them in my trainers & not to strangle people (I'm only 5ft so said people would need to be sitting down!)

 

[canary]

Support? Pahaha. I've had more helpful suggestions from a colleague and my manager than our GP.

No, the GP wont help with support, try finding out what the Alzheimers Society is doing in your area https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/find-support-near-you, or contact SS when you need things like carer visits or day care.